Child ear piercing gone wrong - help me with what to say

[formula3]

DD8 had ears pierced today at Claire’s. All went fine, until we got home and she said “my earring has fallen out” and after initially telling her that was impossible l looked, and sure enough there was no earring in right ear. She hadn’t fiddled with them in the 3 hours they had been pierced and we got home, and I found the earring itself in the hood of her coat, no sign of the back so assume it was loose from start and is still somewhere in the shopping centre.
she was very upset, obviously, as she’s 8 and was panicking due to some blood around hole. I called Claire’s and explained what happened, the lady I spoke to sounded very shocked and said she had never had this happen and she needed to call her senior. She called back to say they were very sorry, that it must have been a fault with the earring (though it looks fine) and all that can be done is to leave it a week to heal over and they will pierce it again and as an apology not make me pay again!

I was too shocked to really process it other than to say that I didn’t think she’d want to come back there given she’d been brave to get it done in the first place and was now very upset, and said I had to go as had a very upset little girl to sort out but Could someone senior get back to me. That didn’t happen by the end of the day.

what do I do now? Contact head office? I spent £68 on good quality piercing earrings and about £15 on the piercing aftercare which for me is a lot but it was a special occasion that has gone really wrong. I’d like a refund because I feel I’ve paid for a service that has been poor (be it the fault of the equipment, or staff not checking the back was secure). My daughter is upset she only has one earring (fair enough) and I will try and encourage her to get it re-done elsewhere but right now there’s no way she’d agree to being pierced again.

I don’t write very well- could someone help me word an email and what I should say/ask for? I mainly want to stop this happening to someone other child but I’d also like my money back, not just free new piercing which can’t be goof
for her ear after a week? ☹️

thank you X

This! Why is it such a big deal to get ears pierced?! Why all the Mumsnet faux outrage?! I don't get it. In the real world kids get their ears pierced all the time and it's a totally normal thing to do.

It's not unusual at all except in Mumsnet world where piercings of any form are seen as akin to injecting your child with hard drugs and the start of a downward spiral of depravity.

Mumsnet thinks it’s even worse than that!

It is laughable really!

Unsure where people are getting that she wasn't ready?
its understandable she would be upset at losing an earring and then that there was blood from the hole.
im 40 and still pysch myself up before getting a new piercing or tat even though im ready, as i know they're about to put a hole threw me!
then op was trying to put the earring back so clearly she did not want her to go back near her ears!

fresh piercings start closing up immediately do not advice people to try put an earring back through.

But it is blunt trauma with a gun? Just look it up.
this was not a single use gun either.

i’m not sure where you’re going to get piercings, but everywhere I've ever gone they have put new gloves on right in front of me
i have a lot of piercings. I would avoid anywhere that was not doing this.

that's all a bit dramatic. let it heal. a freshly pierced ear will heal over in no time and then get it redone - at a proper piercing salon. not at Claire's with the silly guns. Problem solved. It's a none issue really.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Piercing is not against the law, unlike those other examples. We all have to abide by laws, but body autonomy is important and doesn’t begin at an arbitrary age.

The only exception to that for me would be medical procedures, including vaccinations, where the advice of experts should be given greater weight.

But piercing? My child is perfectly capable of deciding whether or not they want their ears pierced. And if they change their mind, it’s a really simple fix.

most reputable piercing studios will pierce well below 18. But a parent needs to consent and be present. she cannot just rock up herself.

Wait and see how being unnecessarily authoritarian pans out for you with teenagers.

Much better parenting is allowing autonomy within safe boundaries.

Allowing a child to make a decision about ear piercing is in no way comparable to enabling underage and illegal sex.

The kind of parent who doesn’t allow their child to develop a sense of personal responsibility, often ends up with a teenager who lies and does whatever they want behind your back, or is so sheltered they struggle with life.

Trusting your child to make appropriate decisions is part of parenting. You might not agree that ear piercing is appropriate at 8 but the law is ok with it, so society isn’t on your side.

I do agree that places like Claire’s are awful and shouldn’t be allowed to pierce anyone.

Similar experience here. They were very clear with me that if my child changed their mind or didn’t want the second one, they would not do it. They did breathing exercises and checked consent with them throughout. I had to sign the form and provide proof of age, parental responsibility etc, but once in the room, consent could only be given by child and had to be given several times.

Compare that to the video of the Claire’s employees piercing a screaming toddler being manhunt by their parents in the middle of a mall. Grim.

What that experience showed me was that they were professional and correctly trained, and cared about the experience as much as the end result.

What it showed my child was that their consent was more important than anyone else’s, and that they could make choices about their own body that were driven only by them - all important lessons which I believe will have positive consequences on their understanding of consent.

Untrue. Being authoritarian is much more likely to send teens off the rails.

Fostering a strong sense of self-worth and understanding of consent is important.

If you think imposing arbitrary rules over your kids’ body is going to make them respect your rules or their body, you are deluding yourself.

The alternative to ‘her body, her rules’ is ‘her body, my rules’ and that is a pretty icky way to think. I’m pretty sure the Proud Boys have been using that phrase for the abortion bans in the US.

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Some of us just have standards and make better parenting decisions.

Allowing my children to be pierced isn't not a bad parenting decision and does not give you the moral high ground by claiming you have standards. If I told you my year 11 DD has 4 lobe in each ear, helix in both, forward helix in 1, nostril and navel, you'd probably report me to social services for child abuse 😂

You keep saying how brave and mature enough DD is, sorry but it does not sound that way from your posts.

she was very upset

panicking due to some blood around hole

so distressed (when you tried to put the earring back in)

I had to go as had a very upset little girl to sort out

I think you need to accept she isn’t emotionally mature enough to have a piercing yet. She’s only 8 so it’s understandable!

It isn't just about the piercing itself, it’s if something goes wrong just like it has in this case and it’s all drama and upset (from the pair of you actually).

I was too shocked to really process it

As i said upthread, i'm 43, i have a lot of piercings in my ears, some done by gun at a jewellers when i was 11, some by claires when i was a teenager, and some by a professional piercer over the last few years.

The most recent my daughter got to see first hand the aftercare required, the pain when i did get an infection (my fault) and the 'fun' of trying to change the earrings in cartilage piercings and has decided she doesn't want hers done ever.

2 sets of my lobe ones i don't change, they have titanium sleepers in, they're the ones claires did and they still give me grief, so its easier just to clean them occasionally and not mess.

Everyone has to be 'brave' for a piercing, i know even though i REALLY wanted it, and it was done by a professional, my triple helix still needed courage, and it bloody hurt by the third one.. so an 8yo needing to be brave doesn't mean they're not ready.

The only thing i would say to anyone who's children want piercings, is please not a gun, and PLEASE make sure you make them aware of the aftercare and the dos/don'ts of today, because the advice is very different from when we were kids.

You’d probably be shocked at the number and position of my piercings, but adults and older teenagers are not the same as 7 year old children.

Sorry, missed that. But 8 is a bit young for piercing ears - unless there is a cultural reason?

Not cultural, unless I start a debate on uk and regional culture which I am not! simply a near 9 year old who has had a tough couple of years and couldn’t join her classmates who got them pierced 2/3 years ago and who has waited patiently to get them done. Disappointed it fell out as we arrived home - as was I.

Email sent to head office thanks to your helpful wording - will update outcome when I hear back.

Only on Mumsnet can another woman extrapolate so massively and think allowing an 7 year old earrings is condoning her “sleeping around “ as a teenager.
Utterly bonkers.
😝
Millions of children get their ears pierced.

I went without telling parents to a local jewellers who pierced with a needle and gold ring sleepers in school lunch hour having saved up my paper round money that I had in the post office account- I first has sex at 20 with my husband. Loose earrings don’t equate to loose morals!🧐

How you have been hounded on here is ridiculous.
Earrings are fine at 8.
Some of my friends at primary school had little sparkly studs and I was so jealous!
It’s not like you are allowing her a full face tattoo.

I would contact Claires Accessories and insist on a full refund. Then Id let dds ears heal and leave the whole idea well alone until shes 16+ A child isnt able to give informed consent about a decision of that nature.
Children shouldnt need to be "brave" so that they can experience something totally unnecessary.

@JasperTheDoll my sister took my dd to get her ears pierced at age 6 or 7, possibly at Claire's I don't remember, my sister is a social worker 🤣

I got mine done at age 2, over 40 years ago, I didn't sleep around as a teenager, I'm not sure a bit of metal in my ears has had much impact on my life other than my love for shiny diamonds!

she’s wanted to do it for years - she was totally fine getting them done but had to be brave when I tried and failed to insert it again, she has had to learn the nature of consent and when she can give it through many hospital appointments and knows what she can and can’t control in terms of her body and what happens to it. This was toteliy her choice- not mine!

I took her to a reputable piercing studio and it has been fine, apart from a few lost backs.

What kind of backs were they?