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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wasting my time with him

76 replies

ChasingRainbows123 · 15/02/2025 12:37

Nearly a year ago I dated a guy for a few months. Then out of the blue he texted it was over as he couldn't commit to me with his busy work schedule & working away all week.
Never heard from him except the odd message every few months.
Then a few weeks ago he messaged to say he had made a mistake, regretted what he did to me, missed me & wanted to put things right.
He messages every day & it's just general chat.
Then the other day he was on about how he should never of walked away like he did.
I said why have you got back in touch after all this time regretting what you did. What do you actually want from me.
His reply was love & friendship.
What does that mean to you lot on here.
He only wants friendship or friendship leading to more in time.
Is this a red flag with him.
Am I wasting my time with him & should walk away now.
Or is he being genuine & I should give him a chance & see where it goes
Any advice much appreciated.
How others see this looking at it from the outside.
Thanks

OP posts:
Charlottejbt · 15/02/2025 12:41

You'd be mad to give him a second chance. If he'd wanted to be with you, he would. He'll mess you around then disappear again.

username299 · 15/02/2025 12:43

My best guess is that he wants to get laid.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 15/02/2025 12:44

It means he had a different offer, it didn't work out, so he's coming back to you as a back up.

Walk away.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/02/2025 12:48

You said he texted every so often after ending things with you

What did he say in those texts? x

Cadenza12 · 15/02/2025 12:55

I'd say it didn't work out with his last partner and you are ok for the time being. I'd move on.

Goodadvice1980 · 15/02/2025 13:00

Bin him off! Don’t be the place marker girlfriend.

RubyRedBow · 15/02/2025 13:02

Ignore and block him.

I think whoever had this attention the other times has gone so he’s scouting around his previous options.

They mess you around once they always do it again.

Nanny1983 · 15/02/2025 13:03

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 15/02/2025 12:44

It means he had a different offer, it didn't work out, so he's coming back to you as a back up.

Walk away.

This …

He was seeing someone else and it didn’t work out now he doesn’t want to be single so he’s giving you the spiel .

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 15/02/2025 13:03

Didn’t work out with who he was seeing, don’t reply

BooomShakeTheRoom · 15/02/2025 13:04

RubyRedBow · 15/02/2025 13:02

Ignore and block him.

I think whoever had this attention the other times has gone so he’s scouting around his previous options.

They mess you around once they always do it again.

This. You’re a rebound. Move on to find someone worthy of your time.

Weedoormatnomore · 15/02/2025 13:10

Sounds like he wants friends with benefits. My guess would be he had someone else on the go did not work out so he came back to you.

Mydahliasareshit · 15/02/2025 13:13

He's pressing his 'test my power' button to get his ego back up to speed after the last chick probably dumped him.

Once he's back on a full tank, he'll be on his way again, but now you'll be the one feeling drained and depleted. Again.

Let him latch on for a feed somewhere else.

Thirteenblackcat · 15/02/2025 13:13

He wants you to massage his ego and his penis, run don’t walk

DazedDragon · 15/02/2025 13:14

You're right to be cautious.

But the ball is in your court, so if you actually liked spending time with him, I suggest you start of as FRIENDS only for a few months. Let's see how committed he actually is to winning you back!

Movinginthesunlight · 15/02/2025 13:17

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 15/02/2025 12:44

It means he had a different offer, it didn't work out, so he's coming back to you as a back up.

Walk away.

100%!

He wants to get his leg over or have an ego boost. People go back to ex situations like this all the time, don't fall for it.

GroovyChick87 · 15/02/2025 13:22

I had a man do this to me but instead of ending it over text he ghosted me. Two years later he gets back in touch, gives me the speech about how I'm the one for him, he's sorry, he made a mistake etc. I fell for it and guess what happened next. He ghosted me again after a week. Five years later I get a random text from him on my phone asking to meet and he's got something urgent to tell me. I didn't bother replying and was also married at this point. These men just want their egos fed.

whatawonderfultime · 15/02/2025 13:32

he had made a mistake = he chose someone else over you.

don't be second best.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 15/02/2025 14:08

I have been single since it ended it with him.
Ending it cause he couldn't commit to me was a poor excuse. If you want someone you make an effort to make it work.
I thought I was being over cautious about what him coming back again.
Looks like I was right to be looking at all these responses.
I know some people split up & get back together & it does work for them
I just can't get my head around he wants love & friendship from me.
Why didn't he say love & relationship.
Never heard of love & friendship before.
Is that supposed to be friends with benefits meaning or we'll be friends first & then progress to relationship.

OP posts:
GivingUpFinally · 15/02/2025 15:11

Sounds like he wants a fwb situation.
Personally, I think if he wanted a full on relationship, he would have replied with that . He's looking for no strings sex and the occasional meal out.

I wouldn't five him the time of day tbh. He's a proven flake

UrbanFan · 15/02/2025 15:12

He's a twat. Tell him to take a hike.

Your worth more than him

BusyMum47 · 15/02/2025 15:34

@ChasingRainbows123

Honest opinion? He wants a casual shag with no commitment. Walk away.

PoorMisgenderedPeteThePlumber · 15/02/2025 15:42

Your voting is split because it's not clear what your question is.
I voted yabu because I think you'd be mad to entertain him for one more minute.
I see the comments are pretty unanimous though.

Endofyear · 15/02/2025 17:07

I'd say he's after a shag! Do you want a FWB type arrangement or are you looking for something more? I wouldn't get involved with him again if it's a proper relationship you're after.

penelopelondon · 15/02/2025 17:13

He's feeling lonely because he got dumped very recent and wants a friends with benefits were he gets to dangle the relationship carrot to keep you interested and willing to have sex with him. Once he finds someone he's more interested he would walk out again using the "I'm too busy to be in a relationship" excuse.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 15/02/2025 17:18

PoorMisgenderedPeteThePlumber · 15/02/2025 15:42

Your voting is split because it's not clear what your question is.
I voted yabu because I think you'd be mad to entertain him for one more minute.
I see the comments are pretty unanimous though.

Question was.
Am I wasting my time with this bloke ? Or is he being genuine ? coming back messaging after all these months saying he's regrets what he did, wants to put things right etc. Then says he wants love & friendship from me. Whats that supposed to mean ?
Like wanting to be friends first & then progressing to more ?
Or is it he wants friendship only. ?
I'm very wary of him & being cautious.

OP posts: