Am I wasting my time with him

[ChasingRainbows123]

Nearly a year ago I dated a guy for a few months. Then out of the blue he texted it was over as he couldn't commit to me with his busy work schedule & working away all week.
Never heard from him except the odd message every few months.
Then a few weeks ago he messaged to say he had made a mistake, regretted what he did to me, missed me & wanted to put things right.
He messages every day & it's just general chat.
Then the other day he was on about how he should never of walked away like he did.
I said why have you got back in touch after all this time regretting what you did. What do you actually want from me.
His reply was love & friendship.
What does that mean to you lot on here.
He only wants friendship or friendship leading to more in time.
Is this a red flag with him.
Am I wasting my time with him & should walk away now.
Or is he being genuine & I should give him a chance & see where it goes
Any advice much appreciated.
How others see this looking at it from the outside.
Thanks

Love and friendship can also be looked upon as him saying sex and someone to chat to .
If that suits you , fine , if not best to ignore and block .

He had a better offer, men are more ruthless when it comes to relationships. They will even get with a woman knowing that she absolutely isn’t the one and is just a will do. I’m sure some women will do this but honestly it’s more prevalent in men.

I'm not sure if he had a better offer or what happened.
But he strung me along chatting for 7 weeks.
Promising every weekend to meet up & chat & him put things. Every week there was an excuse he was tired with working away from home all week. Or he wasn't back home from work until Saturday lunchtime.
I never actually saw him this time.
Full of words to meet up but no action.
Dont know why he bothered coming back again after all that time or messaging every day.
No need for me to block him.
He has blocked me.
You were all so right on here.
I should of listened & walked away & blocked him.
Not given him the satisfaction to string me along with no intention of meeting up & then him block me for no reason & walk away

I was stupid too.
Luckily I only was messaging him.
You wonder how they can come back again & do exactly same thing to you again & they seem OK doing it to someone

May I ask OP, genuinely, why you didn't trust your gut or the good advice of Mumsnet?

This ^^

In a couple of years when he's bored and single he'll get back to you for another ego boost while giving you all sorts of apologies, watch this space. You may or may not fall again for the BS.

It won't happen again.
I have learnt the hard way with him.
I would never trust the man again.
He has shown me his true colours.
Full of promises what he wants & he's going to meet up. None of which happened.
Then he just blocks me & walks away for no reason.
Onto his next victim no doubt

I should of done. But I thought it was me overthinking & that he had changed & was being genuine. Obviously he wasn't.

Someone who contacts you after a year of dumping you (with no explanation) wanting to chat, telling you how "he misses you and wants to get back together" yet "has no time to meet you" is just using you for an ego boost, he just wants to know "you're still game". You should have told him to get lost the first weekend he said "he was too tired or too busy", Some men have such a small self esteem that need these type of ego boosts to know they still matter and they're not the little piece of sh-it they deep down believe they are, there's some very unhealthy men out there so see this as a bullet dodged.

I’m sorry OP.

He didn’t block you and walk away for no reason. He’s got back with the person who broke up with him/seemed to be wanting a break from him a few weeks ago.

Some people will hoover back previous partners with no shame, no matter how badly the hooverer treated the previous partner, to avoid being on their own. Or to have as back up if they feel the current relationship is on the way out.

He’s blocked you so none of your messages can pop up on his phone at an inconvenient moment.

You’ve dodged one to be honest.
You’ll probably hear from him again if you haven’t blocked him. Hopefully you won’t give a crap next time.

💐

You have described that man perfectly
I've had a lucky escape

Nobody has ever dumped someone they were smitten with because they had a busy work schedule.

I think you were his Plan B. He dumped you last time because he met someone he liked more. That obviously went south, hence him getting in touch again and lining you up as her replacement. I think he was probably still talking to her all along, hence him being too tired to see you, so I’d bet my next month’s salary that he’s now back with her and so no longer needs you. He’s an absolute shit.

I also think you should read ‘He’s just not that into you’. It’ll help you the next time you start to think you’re overthinking something.

Your right he is an absolute shit.
Not sure how he can be OK knowing he's treated someone like that.
To be honest I think he just moves from women to the next. Whoever will give him attention.
Don't think he will ever settle with just one.
Always looking for someone else for an ego boost.
Strange cause his marriage ended after 20 years cause his wife cheated. He hasn't seen or had contact with his 21 year old daughter for 5 years. Missed out on her 18th & 21st birthday.
Makes you wonder did he cheat in his marriage & that's why he has no contact with her

I call them submarines. I had one who would reappear every year a couple of months before the school summer break because he was looking for someone to go on holiday with. Someone else I met in 2017 occasionally resurfaces. I block their numbers.

The best thing to do here is block his number without any further conversation. You’re too busy to chat.

Please don’t do this. Why would you even want this man as a friend?

I agree. Let him live with his regrets.

Has he dated over the last year, it's ended and now he's at a loose end?

He chatted nicely to me all these weeks.
Then for reasons only known to him. He chatted nicely. Then minutes later I was blocked & he walked away. No explanation or closure. I was left hurt & confused.
Exactly the same way he left the last time.
Bit of a pattern with the man.
I have blocked him.
Just feel like I have wasted so much time with him.
When he knew exactly what he was doing to me

No idea what he's been doing.
Think he just moves from one person to the next when someone else gets his attention.
He's away again & there's no coming back this time.
When he's bored or lonely or wants someone.
He had his chance here & made no effort to meet up at weekends & put things right like he wanted to. Always an excuse.
Stupid me put up with it. Thinking we'll maybe he is tired with working away all week. But he didn't make any effort to spare an hour of his time. Single life for me now I think. Not sure I can trust anyone

Don’t be tempted to unblock his number, then he can’t waste any more of your time. His loss. Next!

No chance of that.
He's blocked & he's not coming back.
Your right he has wasted so much of my time.
My own fault really.
Should of ignored him.
You wonder what goes on in these mens heads when they treat women like that.

Sorry not read everything but love and friendship is deliberately keeping things open and a bit confusing. If he was desperate to put right his mistake and to try dating/a relationship again, he would say so.

Also there will be very few times in which a relationship with a real spark and potential end because of work. It will be more because at least one party isn't feeling enough to really make time to try.

I would let this one go.

Deleted - replied to wrong thread.