What happens if your children are sick whilst you're at work?

[Ditaditaddddita]

Say if the nursery phone you whilst you're at work and say your child is sick, can you come and collect ASAP. Are you able to leave work for this? What if this happens regularly, would you not face disciplinary action?

I have no children of my own, but this is something I've wondered about and that worries me.

@Ablondiebutagoody Because sending a child into school who is still, or has very recently vomited, is bloody selfish. And unfair on the child.

Noted. Thanks

I once went to a work meeting two hours away in a car with 3 colleagues only to get a call that my DD was in the matron's room with tonsillitis. DH was even further away so the 4 of us had to come back 😳 but there was no question from anyone as to whether we should.

My worst ever work/child logistics incident was leaving on a flight one morning when DH was due to return on a flight during that day only to find out on arrival at my destination that he'd been bumped off his flight - cue us frantically making arrangements for DD.

People usually end up taking a more flexible job for this reason as you normally need one parent who can drop things.
Your choices are normally
-friends/family (tricky because anyone with kids, doesn't want a sick kid)

• you share it equally between parents and share the hurt
• you chose one parents career to protect and sacrifice the other.

My sister for example at one point had the career that had to be protected because it was more difficult to get into and they were more reliant on it and time off would have impacted her progress. Her husband then took 90% of the time off for sick days etc, and tolerated the impact on his employment etc
She's then climbed to a place where they tired to distribute the damage equally, and now his career is prioritised to get it back to where it was.

My husband is freelance and when he’s working (9 months of the year), he more or less can never answer these calls. His industry is very family-unfriendly, he has basically no rights, and he’s often working on site far away.

it’s really tough, my boss is v understanding but I have a demanding job and it’s tough to keep up when you have to run off. My son has been sent home from nursery twice this week and I’ve done my best but still fallen behind (meanwhile he has watched an absurd amount of tv).

the remaining 3 months my husband does everything - all drop offs, picks ups, deals with any illnesses, cooks all the meals - and I get to experience what it must have been like to be the ‘man of the house’ in the 1950s - bliss!

When mine were younger we just juggled, with the help of amazing Grandparents living fairly close by. We worked out on a case by case basis who could best get there. Work were understanding on the odd occasion I needed to leave. My experience has always been that it’s give and take with your employer. Helps when your boss has children of a similar age too, as they are in the same boat!

One of us goes.
I'm the parent and when my child is unwell it's the parent they need.

I think we've only been called in about 3 times, once in nursery and 2x in y11.

I've been called out of work more times to accompany my demented df to a&e where he needs 1:1 support.

If I need I can cancel clinic appointments. I am community based and it will only impact on 1 or 2 patients (or 4 or 5 if it's 30hrs in A&E).

DH finds it hard to leave because he's one of v few staff in school prepared to drive the minibus so he's often out with a bunch of kids - and you can't cancel y4 swimming because your own child is ill. If he's just in class, in school he can drop and run.

I leave. It’s frowned upon but my children are more important than my job. I can find another job, I can’t find another child!

ETA: this has only happened a handful of times throughout both of my children’s lives, and they’re 9 and 17 now.

You go and get them.
It’s just life.

Single parent so I’m the only one who could have collected (thankfully no longer need collecting) and I work in board trains so am often 3 hours away from home. I would go and collect them “asap” but I’d have to explain to school that “asap” doesn’t mean immediately and I’ll be there as soon as I can. It was easier once they were at secondary school and the nurse would send them home and they’d be allowed to just walk home and could let themselves in.

It’s not really that ridiculous, it’s very common for families to prioritise the main earner if there is a large disparity in income. Also not everyone works local and is able to collect their kids at the drop of a hat, in my old job I used to be 2 hours away regularly so the other parent needs to be prepared to collect.

My husband is in the military so I am the contact, and quite often the only option as he is genuinely uncontactable and away for days at a time. My job is work at home and fully flexible beyond a few key meetings so I collect then work my hours around childcare. I always have time owing so if they were really sick I would just take time back that day.

Solo parent but luckily my mother lives nearby. I've had to work from home before but we have some flexibility in our working time so I was able to make up the hours. I once had to leave work at very short notice and drive 250 miles because my Dad had been rushed to hospital. Work has been very understanding when people have had to deal with elderly parents and sick children - everyone rallies round to cover if needed, and knows it only happens in a real emergency.

@Completelyjo And Mum is once again the "default parent" in terms of her work. Not good.
No wonder employers are "secretly" reluctant to employ women of a certain age. I'm not saying for one second that's OK, but I can see if from their pov.

If I'm working then Dh collects and takes the leave. We work around each other as we have no family support. I'm a pharmacist though so if I have to leave abruptly the pharmacy would have to shut until they got someone to cover. If they couldn't find anyone the pharmacy would potentially remain closed intil the next day which is worst case scenario. The only way I would really consider leaving was if a child had to attend hospital which thankfully hasn't happened so far.

It would be interesting to hear from those in jobs where I imagine it is much harder to just leave. For example police office, surgeon, paramedic, GP, judge/court lawyer etc.

My boss is fab and I can pretty much do as I wish in regard to my working hours, providing I get my work done. It probably helps that my bosses youngest and my youngest are in the same class, as were our eldest kids before they went off to uni last year. I work when I'm on holiday (there are aspects of my job that no one else can do), and so there is flexibility there on days when I am at work. I can work in the office or from home, start early or late, finish early or late...whatever I need to do. I'm very lucky!

I tell my manager that I need to leave and explain why. They're fine with it because it's not a regular thing. I WFH but I'm then off for the rest of the day because no one can work and look after a toddler at the same time.

One of us leaves work. We both have Flexi time and work very hard so normally have plenty of hours "in the bank" to take it a child is ill.

Now they are older we can generally work from home provided they aren't too ill, they are happy resting.

With my team, I am always happy to let them go if someone is ill, not necessarily a child it could be and elderly family member or a partner or pet. Again they either take leave or make up the hours later. That's the joy of flexitime. They can take random impromptu leave just to go for a long lunch or get their nails done if they like, provided they block the time out in their diaries and are getting the work done

Most nurseries insist on having at least two sets of contact info for people who are normally within an hour of the nursery.

If we think there’s any risk of being called we sort out who’s dealing with it. Eg. If has been a bit snotty, or seeming more tired, or there’s a bug going round nursery.

I had to collect my child and go home. As my husband and in laws were working/lived miles away. My boss did get arsey about it as it happened once a month. She wanted my husband/in laws to take turns, but they were hours away. I didn't return after my second, as she made me feel horrible about taking parental leave. I heard they're short staffed now, and I think they should have treated us better so we'd return after maternity leave. Having young children is temporary as they grow so quickly, it would be kinder for bosses to be more flexible. I ended up being a stay at home mum for their primary school years, now I'm back to work. Is that an option for you?

Not the main reason, but one reason I had a nanny for my children. My husband and I both work, the type of job we might not be able to answer the phone and if we could answer the phone we might be miles away, and we have no family support locally.

However it didn't happen often.

I lost multiple jobs because of my DD's condition. Most work places will accept it happens occasionally but I had times where it was 3 times in a week (atypical seizures) eventually I found an employer who not only didn't mind me running out (they said family comes first) but i could bring dd to work with me too meaning that I could work even if school had washed their hands of her again (they could have let her go back to class but wouldn't at that point, eventually we got a better arrangement where she worked in the school office on a laptop)

This would trigger a phone call between DH and I about who could most easily get away. We both travel to sites within 70 miles-ish for work.

We've had flexi time for 25 years which helps, but what really helped was that the boss I had when my dc were little was a woman with dc only 10 years or so older than mine. She was very sympathetic and supportive, as her daughter had done longstanding health issues.