To think you can still achieve things even if your progress is slower ? AIBU to find my friend's comment very rude ?

[PoppyMeadows]

My friend's child and my child have been attending the same swimming classes for years since they were about 4/5. It was to give them some basic life skills and so they can spend time together (they go to different schools). The kids are now 8 and a few months back her child progressed to the next more advanced stage and mine was left in the current swim group. They recently introduced swimming galas in our local swimming pool but only kids from her childs group and older are allowed to compete. Yesterday, my friend made a weird comment that one cannot become a competitive swimmer if at the age of 9 they are still not swimming full length /not competing and asked if I had considered any other sports for my child.

AIBU to think you can still improve and catch up at this age in sports with the right coaching and even if not, these expectations are not healthy for children ?

Your child can enjoy swimming for fun but doesn’t have the natural aptitude to be a competitive swimmer. Children with a particular talent will be pulling ahead of their peers by age 8 or 9.

Yesterday, my friend made a weird comment that one cannot become a competitive swimmer if at the age of 9 they are still not swimming full length /not competing and asked if I had considered any other sports for my child.

she's right to think it

she's very wrong to TELL you. No good ever comes to tell people anything except compliments about their children, unless you are the coach.

even if not, these expectations are not healthy for children?
Is it healthy to want your child to become a competitive swimmer? Do they want to be one?

I guess it depends what your aim is, if it’s for fun then of course it doesn’t matter as long as your child is enjoying it. But f it’s to become a competitive swimmer then I’d probably agree with your friend.

Be glad you'll not be swim parent getting up at 5am for their training and sitting all day at very dull galas.
Smile and be smug inside

She's talking bobbins.

You would need a level of confidence by 9/10 but a lot of swimmers don't really take off until 13/14 due to how the body develops.

And at 9 they will only be in a foundation squad, yes some will be exceptional and racing properly, but the majority won't be they will have just been moved up for space in the groups.

Ooh she's a frenemy! Nice little sting there to make you feel shit. So her dc is slightly more advanced than yours, hardly Phelps though is it?

Just nod and smile and perhaps drop in that your dc is doing so well in the gifted stream at school. Walk away leaving her floundering. It'll take her at least a year to work out there is no gifted stream, but she will always wonder.

My kids are not competitive swimmers but have friends who are. Separate sibling groups. The schedules are insane. Honestly you've dodged a bullet there, unless you don't particularly like sleep or having spare time. By 9 they are into training already though. As they get older they get siphoned off into first and second tier which is pretty brutal. I love sports and always wished I'd been able to do something competitive as a child but now I don't want it for my kids at all. Much better to have a balance.

I think a more important point is that swimming is a good thing to do regardless of competition. Why does she think that even matters?

Well if you were talking about your child becoming a competitive swimmer then she's right but if you weren't then I don't know why she'd feel the need to say it.

Yes weird comment, most kids don’t become competitive swimmers, they just learn how to swim, is she usually so hyper competitive?

Have you ever even expressed a thought about your child being a competitive swimmer? If not, bit of a stretch for her to make such a comment. Most do swimming lessons for essential life skills.

This! It’s miserable.

It’s definitely never too late to get better, so YANBU.

But also, there does come a point where it’s too late to become the best. Or when the lack of ability to become the best becomes apparent.

If your child has been having lessons for years and cannot swim a length, then they probably do not have natural talent. They CAN still learn to swim lengths, maybe 100 lengths one day. But maybe not competitively for their age. But there’s no shame in that!

I like your mindset :-)

My 8 year old is stage 6 at swimming and I doubt he'll ever do competitive swimming. He's a decent enough swimmer, just slow. And that's fine! I highly doubt he's already peaked though 😂 He'll continue doing swimming lessons for years to come and will therefore naturally continue to get better, as will your child.

Why are people so competitive about absolutely everything 😩 It's perfectly fine to do something just because you want to, not because you want to be the very best at it.

I always hoped my kids didn't want to do it competitively for this reason. Know someone who's kid did and it was multiple 5 am training sessions every week.

I don't think DC who aren't swimming better than peers at this age could become competitive swimmers unless they love it and spend many hours training every week. However I don't see why it needs to be said by her nor why what she said matters to you OP?

I think it's a weird comment. Most kids won't become world class swimmers and can still learn to swim well and enjoy it. I used to compete in local galas at age 10 11 ish, I wasn't an amazing swimmer, I didn't train much (and hour or 2 a week max) , it was just a bit of fun for kids.

If your 9 year old can't swim a full length after 4 years of lessons I think that's unusual though. I'd expect an average 7 year old to swim that. Maybe the lessons aren't the right ones for her?

But why would she assume your child has the remotest interest in being a competitive swimmer, any more than a competitive darts player? Swimming is one of those things parents pretend is a life skill, but actually it’s primarily a social skill, useful for holidays. There’s no rush.

Depends which question you want answering really.

As a general life rule ?
YANBU. Of course you can achieve things even if your progress is slower.

In terms of being able to be a competitive swimmer if they can't swim a length at 9 yrs ? YABU. Your friend is right.

At 9 / 10 mine had all got their Kilometre badge (40 lengths), but none of them were good enough at swimming to be competitive swimmers thank goodness

Did your friend need to say that ? (Unless you were asking her if you thought your child could be a competitive swimmer ?). No, obviously not.

But sometimes threads are started on MN without giving us all the context.

Even the ones picked for teams aren't that great both DD did swimming for local teams and practiced three times a week whilst they are now both competent swimmers they were miles away from champions and watching it was only as the kids got to late teens that they really started to look like professionals.

There's no way to tell now and is much more to do with the children's level of desire and perseverance.

It's weird that anyone would want to inflict the dull life of attempting to become a competitive swimmer on a nine year old. Hours and hours just ploughing up and down a chlorinated pool, crazy early mornings, long drives to galas. It's not exactly sociable and so few make it through. Of all the childhoods you could want for your child, that would be very low on my list, even if I was driven by the need for my child to achieve.

But learning to be a strong swimmer is massively important. It took one of my children years to get good at swimming but we stuck at it.

Not really thought about competitive swimming ever before she said that to be honest. I want my child to believe that they still might achieve whatever they want with proper support and coaching and perhaps make a bigger progress in the next few months and surprise themselves (not me or anyone else). I sort of try and encourage my child to think this way about many things in life. Not giving false hopes or anything just want them to dream big whilst they can. My friend thinks its important to be realistic so just made a comment like that.

She sounds very strange. I saw this so sad, why would she think that you would want your child to be a competitive swimmer? Is your child doing better than hers in another area so she feels she needs to stick the knife in?

OP, you sound a bit mad on this issue. If your child is just swimming normally for an eight year old, and enjoying it, without ever expressing a desire to race, why is ‘dreaming big’ even relevant?

Her child is only slightly ahead of yours, it doesn't sound like they are club swimming or anything. Club 9yos are swimming lengths for over an hour, not just managing one.

It's probably been a shock to her to enter a competition and see the level some kids are at.

Are you sure she wasn't talking generally about both your kids?

She is probably right that on average, if you've been doing something for 4 years at the age of 8 and you aren't in the top group you're probably not going to win many competitions at it when you're older...but it's a very strange thing to bring up, like there is no point in doing a solo sport with many health benefits if you're not doing it just to beat other children in your age group! A hobby is meant to be something you enjoy not just something you win. I know a lot of competitive swimmers who gave up because of early starts, boredom, and chlorine hair