AIBU to consider giving birth alone?

[mumofboysinlondon]

I am pregnant with my third child, two existing kids are 1.5 and 4.

My problem is - what do I do with my kids when I give birth?

Family support is either non-existent, too elderly or too far away to be helpful.

We live in an area of London where people tend to move on quickly and sadly we’ve lost our really good local friends in the past couple of years. We have acquaintances, but no one I’d ask to take my kids in the middle of the night, if it came to it.

I’m planning a home birth and my hope is either the kids will be out at childcare or it will happen overnight (and quickly) so they won’t know anything about it. This is what happened with #2 so no problems.

At this stage I think it would be less stressful to plan for my husband not to be there. I just have no idea what we’ll do if the kids are at home and I need to go to hospital.

Anyone else ever done this/ in the same boat?

That was my plan but a neighbour (that had a similar aged toddler) offered to have DD last minute.

Where do you expect your husband to go while you’re labouring or giving birth at home?

I think you’ve misunderstood really.

I think it’s your only solution to be honest, people don’t understand not having family support… it tough! Good luck I hope it happens at the perfect time!

I've given birth 3 times by myself. Plan on giving birth to my forth alone too.

Husband had our other children. First time I had to go into theatre, 2nd and 3rd he had our children.

We did the same. Planned HB but if it went tits up, I'd go in alone and dh would have to follow with the DC when appropriate.

YANBU, hopefully home birth will work out but it would absolutely help to mentally prepare yourself incase you end up in hospital and he can’t come. Is there any option to hire a babysitter locally that might be willing to be on stand by?

I would totally help look after an acquaintance’s kids if they needed help with the kids whilst they gave birth, I would help anyone, even someone I’d never met before. I think you underestimate the kindness of strangers. Ask a few of your acquaintances, I’m sure one of them will offer some support! If you are in Surrey I offer my help!

I had my second and third alone and hired a doula to be with me. Really helpful and peaceful

I thought you meant actually alone and was going to say NOOOO don’t do that, it’s dangerous!

Anyway, YANBU. Good luck.

Hire a nanny or childminder
Get to know one and agreed a standby rate

It sounds like it would’ve been better to have planned for him not to be at the conception if he’s that useless.

I think you have completely misunderstood the post!

I think what the OP is saying that he will be able to be present at her homebirth but if she has to go to hospital, she would have to leave him at home to stay with the kids.

i had second baby at hospital without my husband (not planned) he just never made it in time as was looking after dc1 waiting for grandparents.

tbh it was fine and possibly even better as he would have been anxious at how out of control it got!

I don’t know about your area, but in Brighton there is Doula’s Without Borders.

They can support in situations such as this for free

I realise Brighton are rich in support compared to other areas but it is worth reaching out and discussion options with your midwife in case there is anything such as this.

Only if your assessment of uselessness is inability to be in two places at once. 🙄

Some other options -

Emergency childcare can sometimes be found and paid for

A doula to support you and your husband at home, and who can transfer in with you if needed. Some might be able to offer that they stay with your children instead if you preferred

A student midwife - often they will need to caseload a few women at some point during their degree. You might be able to ask the local university if any students would like to caseload you, particularly any who are very interested in a home birth, and again they could come with you if you transferred in.

Not sure how many weeks you are, but if still fairly early in your pregnancy you could ask if there are any student midwives who could caseload you?
Students have to caseload a small number of women in thier 3rd year, and they go on call for these women. If you get your homebirth, then that’s great experience for the student. But if you go to hospital, at least you will have somebody you know and have built a relationship with looking after you!

Snap 😂

Could you ask a worker at the nursery if they would be able to help you with (paid) out of hours childcare if you need to go to hospital and need your husband with you? I know some at my nursery do standard babysitting for families. One at yours may be happy to help given the circumstances.

Exactly the same here.

I have misunderstood - sorry op. Long day.

I think this is fine OP. I had my 3rd at home and actually DH was able to be with me but I would've been fine without him - my midwives were absolutely awesome and they were all the support I needed really. Plus 3rd babies can come very quickly!

I love this. Your heaven sent. I wish there was more people like you.

I am really impressed with everyone who gives birth at home. My daughter just suggested this the other day and I almost had a heart attack. I had three and all of them in the hospital. I would be so worried that something would go wrong and I would not get to the hospital on time.😩