A reset weekend for me and my teenage son 🥹

[fifimummy]

My 13 year old amazing son was diagnosed (shock) with Crohn's disease in December.
It's been brutal honestly and he "failed" according to the hospital a course of liquid feed, and then had 7 weeks of steroids which has been living hell honestly....
I only took him to the GP because of scalp psoriasis and his life has been totally flipped on its head ...
The Prednisolone gave him rage and insomnia, he started vaping, hanging around with people I'd never heard about and also pretty bad depression, I massively fought against the.medication, but he was told they would work miracles....they haven't worked
He's now been prescribed more tablets and has to have infusions.
Anyway that's the backstory
I want to take him away for a weekend.....
Somewhere back to nature maybe, with walks and pretty scenery ....with phones for just an hour
I'd like for him to ride a horse for the first time.....I used to do it loads and it's pure therapy, there's nothing better in my eyes....be around animals and have a fire or barbecue at night....I feel like I need to reset after all the arguing
Can anyone recommend anything? Don't want to do the big things like center parcs etc xx

Only do what he wants, physically. He'll be weak, drained, wanting to be in bed, and near a toilet.

Maybe ask him what he'd like to do and plan it out together for a few weeks time? You'll get much more out of that then springing a weekend on him that he may or may not enjoy imo and as pp have said access to a toilet is important

Did you read the OP?

Self catering house with two bathrooms? Short distance from home, but opportunity to relax in country scenery?

🤣🤣🤣
Bless you for thinking that one is in control of a half-ton animal that will take flight after seeing a leaf, one that it sees everyday, looking at it funny.
A horse never obeys, it just goes along with stuff until it is tired or hungry.

It's a nice idea, but what does your son actually want?

I can't help hut think that at 13 years old, angry with the world, with the trauma of a shock diagnosis of a life changing bowel condition, he may not want to be skipping through the woods with a pony and no toilet for miles.

Talk to him. See what he wants. Make it about him. If that's a city break with a trip to a gaming arcade, so be it. Reconnect with him absolutely - but do it around his interests, rather than yours.

Bosinver Farm in Cornwall has lovely accommodation, lots of animals (including horses), great walks and a swimming pool.

It is quite expensive but we’ve been back several times as it’s so great.

Ask him what he wants to do. This sounds a lot like what you want to do.

I’m so sorry to hear of your situation! It must be so hard!!

my family had a reset holiday recently, we got a hot tub cabin in wales on a very small quiet campsite surrounded by fields. There were a few castles and a forest to explore but we spent a lot of time playing games and chilling in the hot tub. It was very reasonable in price too, if wales is suitable I can recommend maesmawr farm.

hope wherever you go you have a lovely weekend x

have you asked you son if this is what he wants? As someone with a bowel disorder this would be hell for me.
stress can make it worse, i would not want to be walking around somewhere and need a loo.
new environment might be more stressful right now esp around the areas you’re talking about.
trying new things like horse riding etc
i think you both sound like you have had huge things to deal with it, you sound like a great mom.
take your lead from him.
ask him what he feels he is up for.

I'd like for him to ride a horse for the first time.....I used to do it loads and it's pure therapy, there's nothing better in my eyes....be around animals and have a fire or barbecue at night.

yes nothing better in your eyes
it is pure therapy in your eyes
it would be by my 14 yr old DS’ worst nightmare Whereas it would indeed be therapy and wonderful for my teen daughter.

What would your son like to do?

Agreed

i I mean to have a serious bowel condition and be out gallivanting on a horse for the first time

He was diagnosed a few weeks ago really and already

The Prednisolone gave him rage and insomnia, he started vaping, hanging around with people I'd never heard about and also pretty bad depression, I massively fought against the.medication, but he was told they would work miracles....they haven't worked?

When I planned a holiday with my teenage son I did some mind map type stuff. So I wrote first a few words like 'city' 'beach' 'mountains' 'countryside' on the paper and talked about which one(s) he'd like - he chose city and beach. Then I wrote some activities down and asked him to choose a couple of those too. From there I planned a holiday that suited my budget and greater knowledge of the world, but knowing he'd had some input.

I don't deny that sometimes parents need to drive through an idea - if your instinct is that spending time with horses would be good, fine. But I'd guess most of all he needs to feel he can make some enjoyable choices.

I was going to say new forest too. I went during one of the breaks in lockdown, and just seeing horses around in the mist was magical.
I don’t have any recommendations of where to go specifically. But definitely think about new forest as a general starting point.

Ditto sitting on a horse.

Water is very calming. Can you have a break at the coast? Skimming stones, playing slot machines etc

What about a lovely sea front hotel when it gets a bit warmer? Still got access to toilets then

I have no firsthand experience of crohns so this isn’t advice on what you should do, it’s an anecdote you might find interesting. My friend has crohns. It’s appallingly bad. He’s been to hospital tor it numerous times. The treatment caused him to lose weight dramatically and his mental health fell off a cliff. Eventually, he went to a doctor in the United States and was prescribed a meat only diet. This has, remarkably, enabled him to live a normal life again. He can work and provide for his kids. I think he started with just lamb. No idea why. All I know is that it has worked.

@fifimummy he has been overwhelmed by this diagnosis! I think your son might be better speaking to a teenager who has the condition. at the moment, he feels like his life is over before it has begun. he is terrified. the hospital will have contact numbers of crohns help groups. that is the best place to start.

Hey OP, just to say I have Ulcerative colitus, and after my diagnosis I was put on prednisolone and also reacted in a very similar way to your son -it really did give me almost instant mood swings, depression, insomnia and fits of rage. It also did not stop my UC symptoma although it did temporarily improve them slightly. I was also having to deal with the shock of having gone from the mindset that i am a completely healthy young adult and the world is pretty much my oyster to I have a long term unpleasant uncurable health condition, I can't leave a toilet, I keep having accidents through my clothes, Im in constant pain, will I lose my bowl? Will i have a stoma? Will anyone ever fancy me again? (Also having accidents in bed during sex). Work also turned against me even though I was not having any sick days other than appointments, it was a small company and I think my mistake was revealing to them what was happening (needed a day off short notice for a sigmoidscopy) as they just didnt want to support an employee that would be long term sick, they wanted me to go. So it was a whole ton mentally to deal with and I was also very depressed for about a year. Several years on I have a great supportive job who have no issue giving me time off for regular infusions, and the medication Im currently on I have no symptoms at all so live my life happily. Im married, still work,bought a house, children. Meet 70 year olds in the infusion ward who have the condition but are doing ok and have a good life still. No stoma yet. It might all go south still, but I have reached a point that I have a positive mindset and am very happy generally. They key has been finding the right medication for me, and being aware your body can adapt and you might need a new one from time to time. I now have on file how bad i react to prednisolone and they no longer prescribe me it, to do so I had to go see the right GP while i was in the middle of the prednisolone induced depression/insomnia and pretty much cry to them. But it was worth it. I went through all this at an age much greater than 13 and I can imagine that your son is struggling a lot to come to terms with and get used to the condition. You are probably also going through hell trying to support him, as my then boyfriend did. Good luck with it all. I recommend a holiday cottage (with a nice bathroom and nice bedrooms if he is tired!), perhaps in the countryside fairly close to some bigger towns. Maybe Dorset? National Trust properties are good for outside walking for me, as you can look up if they have toilets in advance and they are normally ok. Be aware if your son will struggle to hold his bowels on long drives and always have a change or two of clothea in the boot of your car, spare pants and wipes discreetly in your handbag etc. Agree with others ask him what he wants to do if possible (cinema? Bowling? Shopping?) and then go do it with him, have some time togeter but chilled. Good luck again.

I was told I would have to take steroids for the rest of my life for IBD but changed my diet completely and have been in remission ever since... what has shocked me most is that the hospital consultant had zero interest in why I'm in complete remission, even when he signed me off from their care. At 13 it's not going to be as easy to change his diet but there are drug free options to explore. If I do flare again I would do what @Genevieva 's friend did using carnivore diet and slowly build my diet back up. Best of luck

Boggle Hole is the most stunning location.
Forget the tents, the lads got crohns and needs decent bathroom facilities. The national trust do lovely cottages, a number of which are off the beaten tack and WiFi free. There’s a gorgeous one at Ravenscar, you can walk across the coast to Robin Hood’s bay (past boggle hole) or down to see the seals, or another near selworthy and you could go pony trekking on exmoor, definitely also some really off the beaten track on wales. He can build a log fire and be in easy reach of the bathroom.

My son was diagnosed with crohns at 14, the first year was very rough on him (well both of us) so your reset weekend sounds like a lovely idea if he's well enough.

Treatment wise it's a good thing they've stopped fucking around with steroids and put him on the good stuff (biologicals). Once they find the right drug combi for him his life should return to (near) normal quite quickly.

Mini break wise what I would do is find a stables that offer hacking for beginners and then find a hotel/airBnB near that.

It would help if you told us where in the country you are and how you’re willing to travel cos I’m sure the New Forest is beautiful but if it’s 8hours drive away it probably has less appeal!

When my DS2 was disagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis he wouldn't have felt up to an active holiday, plus the possibility of pooing himself out on a trip..nope. Mine was a little older but it was a big adjustment and steroids make you feel like crap.
Getting the meds right takes time and persistance... it took us a few years to get good control, but DS2 hasn't had a big flare up for over a year now and the combo of meds he takes is working.
What would your son actually enjoy doing? I get the need to go away and escape but it has to be enjoyable for him!