To wish more formal mourning rituals were still observed in society?

[Celia24]

I suppose this might have been class related (not sure) but the idea of wearing black for a period of time and everyone knowing it was due to a period of mourning.

With fresh bereavements in the past I’ve struggled with people being happy go lucky during periods of grief.

currently I told a manager I am on leave for the week and she replied ‘oh nice, I’m on holiday soon too.’ This manager has been piling the work on too and I dread her asking how my holiday was when I return or expecting me to be rejuvenated. Not just her, but others who see leave=holiday. I don’t need everyone to know my business but there’s no way I’d be replying ‘good thanks!’ either.

Lots of religions/cultures around the UK still have specific rituals/practices during mourning. I teach and generally speaking the Muslim children take 3 days off after the death of a close loved one. Travellers can take weeks off as they often take the body back to Ireland to be buried with family, and there are certain things they don't do for a certain period of time afterwards too. I find the traditional British attitude is 'back to normal ASAP' but other cultures take a specific time to try to process the grief and don't feel the need to resume normality within a few days.
I often find with other cultures that there isn't a hierarchy of grief, in the sense that losing a cousin/grandparent isn't less than losing a parent or sibling. I remember a thread on here where someone had lost her husband, and a colleague said she could empathize as she had lost her beloved grandmother recently. The poster said she wanted to punch her, because losing a grandparent is nothing like losing a spouse, which I was quite taken aback by.

I feel trying to show empathy for a spouse dying by likening it to losing a grandparent is a bit crass. If we all reached for the funeral clobber every time a family member died, we would get nothing done.

I think 'formal rituals' are unhelpful because we all grieve in different ways. Some people take longer than others and sometimes people can feel ok and it hits them later. I also think many people are uncomfortable with dealing with the bereavement other people are expressing and we need to get better at talking about that as a society.

I think we should bring back keening. As I do a lot of it anyway.

I think OP what you're getting at it's about making something that is invisible to others, visible in someway when you're feeling fragile / need more understanding than normal. I think the same is probably true if you have, for example, a chronic illness or disability which has no outward signs. I have a mostly invisible disability but occassionally it's visible to others and my life (in some ways) is made easier as people automatically make adjustments. That said, I think everyone grieving is different and wouldn't want to go back to requirements to wear black because I think people who then don't want a constant visible reminder will struggle. I do think, as a society, we need to be more open about death though. And think a month between death and the funeral is a long time and makes it harder to start processing things. Although logistically I understand why there is often a wait.

I don't agree with you OP. DH died unexpectedly last June, although he had a long term illness. We had a lot of support and contact from friends and family, I didn't want it from strangers too. It was nice, for instance, to go to the hairdresser's and not have to talk about his death or anything to do with it as they had no idea. Not being religious, we were able to do things totally individually and exactly how we wanted it. Having been to numerous Catholic (I'm half Irish too) and Jewish funerals, I really dislike them. They are so off the shelf and formulaic I feel they are very cold and impersonal. I know the Jews and catholics think they've got a great understanding and acceptance of death but I don't think it's true, they just have easy set rules to follow. I don't understand why you would want some form of "badge of grief" but not be willing to tell people and then not like their behaviour.