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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn’t show up

84 replies

NMc16 · 11/02/2025 21:04

I was supposed to meet a friend today for coffee. Gave it half an hour and they didn’t show. Sent a message before hand saying I was on my way. They read my message and didn’t reply. Why do people do this? It takes less than 2 seconds to send a message to say you can’t make it. So rude and bad manners. I get people have stuff going on but a simple text to say ‘I can’t make it’ really doesn’t take much.

OP posts:
Eleanor6 · 11/02/2025 21:30

That is pretty crappy, I suppose maybe they were in an accident or something? Not unless there was a reason I wouldn’t be meeting them again for a while.

ilovelamp82 · 11/02/2025 21:32

Very rude. I wouldn't meet up with them again.

Ontobetterthings · 11/02/2025 21:42

Wow that's really rude

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 11/02/2025 21:44

It gets my goat when people don't reply to texts. I agree it takes 5 seconds. That is supremely rude OP.

Hollydays · 11/02/2025 21:44

I have friends who find it difficult to socialise sometimes, so we cancel or rearrange at short notice but I would find it annoying if someone couldn’t just send a text saying they couldn’t make it if there was no underlying reason.

Oblomov25 · 11/02/2025 21:45

So rude. I wouldn't engage again until they had, and apologised.

TwentyTwentyFive · 11/02/2025 21:46

Inexcusable in my opinion. No one is that busy that they can't take two seconds to send a text and to just leave you waiting there is just straight up unkind.

Elfie23 · 11/02/2025 21:48

That would annoy me so much! They've read the message so they know you're on your way but make no attempt to stop you or let you know they're not coming?
That is not ok!

Assuming you've not heard anything from them today I'd be letting that 'friend' go...

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 11/02/2025 22:01

Not much of a friend. I wouldn’t dream of treating anyone like that much less one of my own friends. Have you heard from them since?

Mary46 · 11/02/2025 22:07

That is so rude and flaky. Did they reply.

BigDeepBreaths · 11/02/2025 22:11

Super bad form.

A casual acquaintance, I would move on with my day and probably let that ‘friend’ship slide.

A close friend, I would message and say “is everything ok? any reason why you couldnt let me know you werent turning up today?” and their response would dictate my next move.

Bestie, would get an absolute bollocking from me.

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 22:12

I wouldn't be friends with someone who did that. I'd be pretty annoyed if they cancelled last minute (emergencies aside) but to leave you waiting is a deal breaker for me

Funykeudfh · 11/02/2025 22:12

Have you heard from this friend since?

XenoBitch · 11/02/2025 22:14

YANBU I fucking hate this too.
I was due to meet a friend, and after 30 mins of waiting, I text her. She replied with "sorry, I am not coming". It took me an hour to get where we were due to meet. Fucking rude.

Teanbiscuits33 · 11/02/2025 22:14

I would guess they either don’t have any respect for you or they were too scared to tell you they couldn’t make it so just ignored it. It’s really rude and I’d tell how upset I was and how disrespectful they were and I’d not arrange to meet again.

sunshinerainbowcloud · 11/02/2025 22:18

Another perspective - if it was me I’d worry my friend has just had an emergency or something was going on and would give them a call. Yes it would of been nice to have had a “this has just happened can’t meet”

It might be unlikely and if your friend has just flaked on you then ditch her… but if a friend called me later on to explain her child just fell over and broke their arm and she was in a panic I would let it slide.

sunshinerainbowcloud · 11/02/2025 22:19

sunshinerainbowcloud · 11/02/2025 22:18

Another perspective - if it was me I’d worry my friend has just had an emergency or something was going on and would give them a call. Yes it would of been nice to have had a “this has just happened can’t meet”

It might be unlikely and if your friend has just flaked on you then ditch her… but if a friend called me later on to explain her child just fell over and broke their arm and she was in a panic I would let it slide.

Or if they read the message and didn’t respond I’d call them to ask what’s up. Again, emergency understandable but another flakey excuse I’d hang up go home and block them.

Franjipanl8r · 11/02/2025 22:48

If a friend didn’t show up to meet me I’d call them.

PassingStranger · 11/02/2025 23:15

Oblomov25 · 11/02/2025 21:45

So rude. I wouldn't engage again until they had, and apologised.

My guess is they aren't that bothered anyway the friend that didn't turn up that is.

No true friend does that?

Echo21 · 11/02/2025 23:28

This isn't a friend sorry op :(

Cardinalita90 · 12/02/2025 00:23

I wouldn't respond to anything less than an apology from them. That's so incredibly rude to not show up. To be honest though, even if they apologise I'm not sure I'd be able to get past the fact they saw your message and didn't even bother to let you know.

roastedrapidly · 12/02/2025 10:27

Friendship ended.
You deserve so much better OP

LostittoBostik · 12/02/2025 10:28

That's awful. How well do you know them?

If they were an acquaintance I would totally distance myself.

If they were an old, good friend and it was very out of character I would be worried about them

Original poster
NMc16 · 12/02/2025 13:31

LostittoBostik · 12/02/2025 10:28

That's awful. How well do you know them?

If they were an acquaintance I would totally distance myself.

If they were an old, good friend and it was very out of character I would be worried about them

Not the first time they have done it. They messaged today to say they were unwell. I mean why not message when we were arranging to meet and when you actually read the message?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 12/02/2025 13:34

They were hardly that unwell that they could not type the words sorry I cannot make it.

Honestly I would probably and have done dropped people like this.