Awful reaction to my child

[Shellsash22]

Currently on holiday in tenerife
We are staying at a very child.friendly hotel with DD 15mths and Ds 3 just been to the resturant and our DD got a little bit of food stuck in her throat she was ok but enough for my DH to pick her up and slap her back just incase she was scared afterwards and started to cry alot until DH past her to me to calm her whilst he took our DS to the toilet
There were two women on the adjecent table looking agast at me with DD visibly upset they saw the whole incident and me calming her down whilst muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!
Then after several more nasty looks one of them started shouting at me as if to say shut her up!!@@ my blood is still boiling its not like our DD was screaming for the fun of it fgs she almost choked
I shouted back and not nicely!
AIBU to her reaction?? We are literally in the most kid friendly hotel on the island
Im shocked how she reacted to my poor baby in distress

You've absolutely no idea what was being said, they could have misunderstood the situation and think DH battered her... regardless, they were not speaking your language, so smile and wave and get on with your day. You're not going to achieve anything by getting annoyed and trying to argue with a person foreign to you.

Why did you shout? Sounds like a massive overreaction.

They weren't speaking English. They might have been expressing concern! Some languages sound quite aggressive regardless

I agree with you OP, it's not difficult to "read' people, even if they are speaking a different language. You had a potentially dangerous situation with your dd and that sort of thing is stressful. The last thing you need is others being mean. They may have misunderstood what was going on and not seen it all. However, you go and enjoy the rest of your holiday, shake off their nonsense and move on.

It sounds like you were very emotional because your child was choking and have reacted strongly to what they may or may not have been saying. You’re upset because your child choked and it’s really scary for any parent when that happens. So let the rest go and just be kind to yourself and look after the kids.

She shouted at me whilst my husband was gone with DS at the toilet she pointed in anger almost in my DDs face regardless of language barrier it was obvious she wanted her to be quiet iy was awful

I read as they thought your husband was beating her. Given neither of you could understand each other, let it go. Shouting was wrong.

So you shouted? A better idea would have been to ask staff to intervene.

I'm glad your DD is okay. I think you got a fright understandably but I don't think you should be shouting at anyone in front of your children to be honest. You're also now all staying in the same place and likely to bump into them again.

I mean your options here are to just let it go as a high stress situation that got out of hand, or continue to stew on it and let it ruin the remainder of your holiday. I know what I'd be doing.

You have no idea what they were shouting or why.

Don't escalate things on future - they might have been in the wrong, but it makes you look just as bad.

I literally just told her to stop staring and shouting she was the agressor in the situation

It’s a hard one with the language barrier but if anyone ever shouted at me and got up in my child’s face, you better believe I’m sorting that out myself.

I’d have shouted back too. Those are such horrible situations.

My DS when he was 3 was waiting on the pavement for me to get the pram out the boot and uncharacteristically ran out into the road for no apparent reason. I shot my arm out to grab his hood and pull him back, which hurt his neck, and literally a second later a speeding van shot down the street. I went into full panic mode, and told DS he was a silly boy and never to do that again. Not my finest parenting hour but I was in complete shock and couldn’t help it. One woman who saw it came over to comfort me as she’d seen the whole thing and was also freaked out. Another woman came up to me and said “What a nasty thing to say to your little boy”. I got close to her and shouted at her to fuck off. Again not my finest hour but I think id temporarily lost my mind.

Hmm. Two women witness a man smacking the hell out of a kid (in their mind) everyone’s upset. Man goes off with older kid and then the woman starts screaming at them when they say something. Were you both drinking beer?

I have a 3 year old and I’d be the same. When something like that happens every nerve in your body is firing, then someone just tips you over the edge. Totally understandable.

I think it’s either pure rage or pure hysterical upset. Those “my life could have changed in one second” moments scare the shit out of me.

The most obvious explanation is there is a lot of misunderstandings going on caused by the stressful incident and language barrier. The women may have misconstrued the event from the angle they viewed it. Emotions were running high. You misunderstood their words and intentions.

Agree with PP that some languages sound harsh when they are not. Spanish for example is very direct and not larded with pleases and thank yous. Also in many countries - especially Mediterranean ones - parenting advice from strangers is pretty normal. Older women especially will be upfront in telling you what you are doing wrong with your children.

I would really try and stop dwelling on this. These stressful incidents on holiday with toddlers are very normal but best forgotten.

Edit: I just thought of something else. Maybe stereotyping but I've always found that some Europeans are very opposed to finger foods for babies and toddlers. Purees seem to be the norm. Could it be they thought you were giving her dangerous food?

Yep. It’s the whole combination of relief, horror, anger at yourself, nausea, fear, love. It’s too much.

It just sounds like a high stress situation - possibly they didn’t realise what had happened and couldn’t understand why you didn’t take your screaming kid out of the restaurant, and obviously you reacted strongly to that, which is understandable given you just had a shock.

Take a breath and forget about it.

No idea what they were saying or thinking, could have been anything.

Even in the kid friendliest of kid friendly places, if my baby was crying I took them outside. That way I didn't have to deal with this kind of stuff.

Okay? I was literally repeating back what you said - you said you shouted at her & I said in my opinion you shouldn't shout at people in front of your children if it can be avoided. You parent the way you want to.

I would have taken her outside personally.

But you have no idea what they were saying. I would just let it go.

Perhaps she was terrified at a sight of a choking child and was asking if you were OK....

Oh for god’s sake, there’s always one isn’t there!? her husband did the right thing, in First aid training they literally tell you to slap the back firmly when a child is choking