Awful reaction to my child

[Shellsash22]

Currently on holiday in tenerife
We are staying at a very child.friendly hotel with DD 15mths and Ds 3 just been to the resturant and our DD got a little bit of food stuck in her throat she was ok but enough for my DH to pick her up and slap her back just incase she was scared afterwards and started to cry alot until DH past her to me to calm her whilst he took our DS to the toilet
There were two women on the adjecent table looking agast at me with DD visibly upset they saw the whole incident and me calming her down whilst muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!
Then after several more nasty looks one of them started shouting at me as if to say shut her up!!@@ my blood is still boiling its not like our DD was screaming for the fun of it fgs she almost choked
I shouted back and not nicely!
AIBU to her reaction?? We are literally in the most kid friendly hotel on the island
Im shocked how she reacted to my poor baby in distress

Why didn't you take the screaming child outside? Just because a hotel is child friendly it doesn't mean that everyone wants to lisren to a child screaming while they are trying to eat! It would have been more respectful to other diners to have calmed the child down outside.

I think the past few posters also have a point.
Child friendly hotel =/= let your children scream and cry and make a nuisance without taking steps. It means there are options for them like clubs and activities, you expect children around more.
If OP was just sitting there with a screaming child then it might well irritate them.

Are you sure you understood what was being sad to you? Presumably shouted to be heard over the crying. As to time, op mentions an island so probably not GMT. Even so families and adult groups should be able to enjoy meals without histrionics.

Wagging fingers and the rest doesn't come through from the OP and following edits that were made to fit the narrative.
If anything, "southern cultures" are more accepting of noisy children than northern ones.

@Garlicworth is the kind of parent I’d pay good money to avoid. If people could look beyond their own families and noses - they’d see there is an entire world out there, one which doesn’t revolve around your brood. Other people just want to enjoy their holidays without being inconvenienced by others, even families at family resorts. Shock horror.

Goodness me, she must have had long arms! Are you quite sure they weren't orangutans?

This just sounds like a ridiculous situation.

You should've taken the child outside, at least that would have spared other guests from half of the circus.

You sound charming !! Get a grip

There’s a difference between crying and screaming but the two words seem to be being used as synonyms throughout this thread.

So you started hollering and made the situation even worse. And we wonder why British tourists get such a bad name. It's a restaurant, not a fish market.
When you say DD was crying, as in full on yelling the way kids do at that age when they are afraid? If so, why didn't you take her out?

Even foreigners understand choking and smacking a child to dislodge something fgs

Wow, haven’t you received savage reactions?!

I feel for you. You have 2 young children and were already stressed enough by your daughter choking. To then to have two strangers butt in and shame you and make it worse ONCE YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES (the cowards) is terrible. Shouting isn’t the best response, but you were in such distress. Frankly, I’d have offered you help.

I remember travelling once with the most intimidating partner at my firm and a young mother on the plane near us had a baby that wouldn’t stop crying. This partner took the baby and held it and soothed it while the mother recovered from her obvious distress. She said to me that she remembered being a young a mother and how hard it was. You can be part of the solution and make life better, or be a viper like those ladies and make it worse. I’m sorry you encountered the latter.

What then, nowadays, to bear the right expression?
Oh, a stony face and turn away.
I could manage that, but then I don't go to "family friendly" places.

You need to take your kids out if they are making a lot of noise in a restaurant

Hi op,

you were stressed and for good reason. Just focus on your children, you know why and what, leave them and have a good holidays.

Also, stare at them if you see them again. Like put your sunglasses half way eyes style staring at them…

enjoy! 😎

Has your "." key broken?

Spanish and Italian people tend to speak a lot louder than English between themselves so perhaps it's a misunderstanding and you shouldn't have shouted at them without knowing what they were saying.

It is safer to encourage strong coughing if someone has something caught in their throat. The body is designed to expel things this way. You might end up throwing up but this also works to remove any item. Slapping on the back is the next stage but needs to be done effectively otherwise you're likely to make things worse or at the minimum scare the person! Only when both these fail should other methods be tried.

I'd have probably run over and got her coughing 😂 ... Because I wouldn't want a child to die when I could've helped even if I get shouted at by the parents.

You have no idea what they were saying. It could've have been horror at DD being whacked either based on abuse or medical knowledge. It could've been them talking about a cheating lover. Either way they failed to help so just ignore them and move on.

From your original post, OP, you seem to be someone who reacts first and then, maybe, thinks things through afterwards. Why do I say this? It's because your post is largely unpunctuated. You don't stop to draw breath. You don't give time to realise that a comma (a pause, IRL) can make the difference between an encounter going one way or the other way. Slow down. Breathe. Think. Look around. As other PPs have said, your onlookers may have had an entirely different take on the event they think they witnessed to the that you, personally, felt you were experiencing. Cultural, language, age differences. Did you ask a waiter for help to understand, intervene, interpret? No. You didn't.
Learn to punctuate your headlong emotional rush into what you think is happening.
You'll find life easier to deal with.

Your poor baby, must have been frightening for all of you. It’s hard work taking two very young children abroad on holiday. However, others at the hotel also want a peaceful, relaxing holiday and witnessing screaming children for any reason is not good. I’m sorry this situation added to everyone’s stress.
I’m sure you had already apologized to them for the disturbance. Maybe you could have carried your baby away from others and returned when she was calmer and happier. I hope you are enjoying the rest of your holiday.

We spend a lot of time in Spain and I speak good Spanish
DD speaks it quite well now too but when she was younger she spent a lot of time being terrified of people "shouting at her". She got stuck in a toilet cubicle once and was so convinced that the lady offering instructions through the door was threatening to kill her she slid underneath to the cubicle next door!
You have no idea what they were saying

So I can understand a little better, what do you mean by writing -

”…..enough for my DH to pick her up and slap her back just incase she was scared afterwards ….”

your DH slapped her back AFTER she stopped choking?

if that is the case, then these ladies were not upset about your daughter crying, but rather what would look as though your husband slapped your daughter because he was upset she nearly choked, not that he was clearing her throat, then took off with your son, leaving you behind with a screaming child and appearing not to go anything.

The woman was shouting at her first almost with her finger in the child's face.
I'm sure a lot of mothers would have shouted back

She’d have heard from me, that’s for sure. I’d have been over at their table in a flash.

@Shellsash22 You have my total sympathy. I've stopped my daughter from choking twice in her (almost 😰) 7 years around the sun, with back slaps as her face was turning colour. Absolutely scary as fuck!! I understand why you wouldn't (didn't) go out of the restaurant.
Could you have asked a waiter to speak with the other women? Yes.
Could you have taken DD out of the restaurant? Yes.

But you didn't and I think you don't need all these others berating you.
What I do think you should do is try and move past the situation.
It's happened, you can't change it.
You're on holiday (hopefully) in the sun!
Try and enjoy the rest of your time and try and stay away from the other table women.
If they decide to continue it on, then speak to the hotel staff and ask for them to intervene.