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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful reaction to my child

97 replies

Shellsash22 · 10/02/2025 21:54

Currently on holiday in tenerife
We are staying at a very child.friendly hotel with DD 15mths and Ds 3 just been to the resturant and our DD got a little bit of food stuck in her throat she was ok but enough for my DH to pick her up and slap her back just incase she was scared afterwards and started to cry alot until DH past her to me to calm her whilst he took our DS to the toilet
There were two women on the adjecent table looking agast at me with DD visibly upset they saw the whole incident and me calming her down whilst muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!
Then after several more nasty looks one of them started shouting at me as if to say shut her up!!@@ my blood is still boiling its not like our DD was screaming for the fun of it fgs she almost choked
I shouted back and not nicely!
AIBU to her reaction?? We are literally in the most kid friendly hotel on the island
Im shocked how she reacted to my poor baby in distress

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 10/02/2025 22:36

You did absolutely nothing wrong, some people are nasty and horrid. Sorry you had a fright with DD.

MrsTigerface · 10/02/2025 22:36

Thank heavens your daughter is OK x

You are in a very child friendly hotel…one would expect some kiddie related noise, in that case. Sounds like these ladies had booked the wrong sort of hotel for their needs.

Please don’t let this interaction spoil your holiday. Give them no further thought x

Booboobagins · 10/02/2025 22:38

murasaki · 10/02/2025 22:05

I read as they thought your husband was beating her. Given neither of you could understand each other, let it go. Shouting was wrong.

Lots of posts like yours forget 1 key thing.

55-93% of language is non verbal. You feel it and you are invariably 100% right in how you understand what is said. If OP says they were shouting and pointing in her DDs face she had every right to defend her child.

@Shellsash22 YANBU. Poor baby and shame to the idiots shouting. Have a lovely holiday and F them x

ArtTheClown · 10/02/2025 22:47

She probably thought she'd just seen your DH battering your child.

WiddlinDiddlin · 10/02/2025 23:00

Perhaps she thought you should take your child outside to calm down rather than sit there with her screaming her head off indoors?

Instead of that, your DH disappears with the non-yelling child and you sit there with the noisy one, seemingly doing nothing.

Child friendly might not mean 'tolerates any and all volume levels from children regardless of reason'.

EsmeSusanOgg · 10/02/2025 23:01

The amount of teaching here to excuse two qem being unkind is crazy. OP has described the situation. You do not have to be fluent im another language to understand what is meant.

WilmaTitsDrop · 10/02/2025 23:03

whilst muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!

Wow, you're very clever!

Perhaps you could return for the Summer season cabaret since you can read minds in languages you don't understand?

2025willbemytime · 10/02/2025 23:05

Did you mean your husband took your baby to the loo to calm down in private in case she was scared, as you wrote her hit her on her back in case she was scared .

You are gong to spend a lot of time stressed if you're going to get this wound up when people comment on or react to your kids behaviour or your parenting.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 10/02/2025 23:06

OP has described HER version of the event

The two women could easily appear here saying "we are at a hotel and a family sat to lunch next to us. We suddenly witnessed the father start to smack the baby's back quite hard. We were concerned, the baby was crying and the man disappeared with the other child. The mother left the baby screaming. We were concerned and tried to ask if everything was OK but she didn't really understand so one of us went over to her, tried to check the baby was OK and kept asking. Then she got aggressive with us. AWBU to have just tried to make sure she was OK?"

80smonster · 10/02/2025 23:18

Um, this was posted at almost 10pm. What 3 year old eats their dinner at that time. Child friendly resort doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t follow child appropriate routines.

Garlicworth · 10/02/2025 23:18

Animatic · 10/02/2025 22:35

Perhaps she was terrified at a sight of a choking child and was asking if you were OK....

Show quote history

😂 Sure, sure. Scowling up in someone's face, wagging your finger at them and yelling is how some folks express concern? Right!

I was just thinking that Latin cultures in general are more 'shouty' than us cold-blooded northerners, more emotive altogether. Shouting back was probably the correct response.

Garlicworth · 10/02/2025 23:25

80smonster · 10/02/2025 23:18

Um, this was posted at almost 10pm. What 3 year old eats their dinner at that time. Child friendly resort doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t follow child appropriate routines.

WTF? Did I miss the invisible post where OP said she was still in the restaurant with her kids?

Surely it's more likely they've finished their evening, settled the children, and OP's posted here because she's still upset and doubting herself.

If you must be a goady online sleuth, you could at least try to do it right 🤨

RafaFan · 11/02/2025 00:00

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 10/02/2025 22:01

They weren't speaking English. They might have been expressing concern! Some languages sound quite aggressive regardless

Agreed! German, for example, sounds quite aggressive. I think it's the frequent "ch" sounds!

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 00:05

I would’ve done the same as you and told them to mind their own business. How dare they interrupt you whilst comforting your child.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/02/2025 00:44

First post "muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!"

Second post "she pointed in anger almost in my DDs face"

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/02/2025 00:45

Bit of an escalation between the posts.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/02/2025 00:47

Missed this out of quote from first post.... "Then after several more nasty looks one of them started shouting at me as if to say shut her up!!"

Basically, I'd have already mentioned the "getting up in my baby's face" in my original account.

Hairyfairy01 · 11/02/2025 05:58

How long was she crying for? Sounds like all of this was going on for a while? Personally I think I would have taken her outside to calm down. A bit of crying is fine, but if you are trying to eat a meal and talk with the other person, having a child crying for 5 minutes can quickly become rather annoying.

supersonicginandtonic · 11/02/2025 06:25

Erm she was crying a lot, why not take her outside to calm her down? Poor kid had a scare but everybody else doesn't need to listen to your screaming child.

80smonster · 11/02/2025 07:08

Garlicworth · 10/02/2025 23:25

WTF? Did I miss the invisible post where OP said she was still in the restaurant with her kids?

Surely it's more likely they've finished their evening, settled the children, and OP's posted here because she's still upset and doubting herself.

If you must be a goady online sleuth, you could at least try to do it right 🤨

Show quote history

Maybe OP wants to step in and confirm the timing. Personally, I get absolutely sick of adults behaving (along with their kids) inappropriately at family resorts. A family resort doesn’t mean you have a license to behave as if your kids weren’t with you. That extends to ruining other people’s holidays/mealtimes. I’ve no interest in family dramas over my dinner, sounds like the adjacent table felt the same. When my DD was 3 she was in bed at 7pm, because she needed her sleep… and so did I.

80smonster · 11/02/2025 07:42

Hairyfairy01 · 11/02/2025 05:58

How long was she crying for? Sounds like all of this was going on for a while? Personally I think I would have taken her outside to calm down. A bit of crying is fine, but if you are trying to eat a meal and talk with the other person, having a child crying for 5 minutes can quickly become rather annoying.

To me this is about age appropriate mealtimes, at 6pm at a family resort I may expect my meal to be interrupted by kids, it’s kiddy feeding time, at 9-10pm I’d be of the opinion that young children and babies should be in bed. Families often have a struggle understanding that family resort does not mean I am anticipating your child attending adult events like late evening entertainment and mealtimes.

biscuitsandbooks · 11/02/2025 07:45

I would have taken her out once she started to cry. Child-friendly doesn't mean your kids can just scream and scream no matter what.

UndermyShoeJoe · 11/02/2025 07:46

There’s kiddy friendly and then there just basically sitting holding a crying/screaming baby/toddler.

Child friendly means they tolerate more noise and toddler wildness than a normal place it doesn’t mean they expect screaming babies / toddlers to not be taken out to be calmed down. The noise is very different.

Newfoundzestforlife · 11/02/2025 08:34

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 10/02/2025 22:31

I would have taken her outside personally.

But you have no idea what they were saying. I would just let it go.

Take her outside so she wouldn't disturb others as she choked to death....?

biscuitsandbooks · 11/02/2025 08:35

@Newfoundzestforlife the screaming happened after the choking incident.

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