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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have called the social services and they are going to put him in a children’s home

141 replies

ByArtfulBird · 10/02/2025 20:23

If you have not seen the first thread about it don’t reply you will get confused. I have called them up and they said we are going to put him in a children’s home but not until Wednesday so he will be staying at mine till then just thought I would let you know how it’s going.

OP posts:
Hekett · 10/02/2025 22:57

MustDoNothing · 10/02/2025 22:12

To the people saying this process is BS, it's not. I've namechanged for this but at the age of 10, I came home from school to the bombshell that I was being took to a residential children's home there and then. For me there was no warning, no knowledge of a social worker involved, nothing. I was distraught, confused and everything else. It was the one and only time I was ever arrested by the police because i refused to go. I still 29 years later do not know why, apart my own evidenced conclusion that my mum didn't want me now she had a stable boyfriend who didn't like me and my brother. It took a lot of intervention to get over that.

My point is this is possible and DOES happen, though obviously the parents have either consented or cant be contacted.

What. The. Fuck.

Fucking horrendous. I hope you are doing well in your life now.

Bambiisasillybilly · 10/02/2025 22:59

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 20:59

Wrong. I doubt they would ever engage with anyone but a very strict list of people over this child. You REALLY think people can “call up social services” and access very confidential information over a legal process?

Show quote history

Yes, if the child's family has fucked them off. He doesn't live with his parents he is temporarily staying with the op. She can't have him living there for good she has other children. Social services will talk to Gus parents about removing their other son most probably, hopefully 🙏

Convolvulus · 10/02/2025 22:59

x2boys · 10/02/2025 21:11

Children's homes don't really exist anymore is he gong into to foster care ?

Not true

Hibernatingtilspring · 10/02/2025 22:59

@MustDoNothing sorry didn't mean to suggest it can't happen now - more that it's much less likely to happen without a child having any interaction with support services or social workers beforehand.

As others have mentioned the route for section 20 is very different to court, though social services will try to avoid it being used. Mainly because once a child is moved out of the home, it's very, very difficult to rebuild the relationship for them to go back, and separating a child from their family (even if a parent requests it) isn't something we should do lightly.

Hibernatingtilspring · 10/02/2025 23:02

@MustDoNothing meant to add this link you might find it useful
https://www.careleavers.com/what-we-do/access-to-records/

(OP sorry for hijacking the thread a little hope you understand!)

Access To Records

Working to ensure all care leavers have better access to their social care files.

https://www.careleavers.com/what-we-do/access-to-records

Crazyclover · 10/02/2025 23:04

Why would you post this update on a public forum where he may be identified by his unusual situation?
Additionally his parents may now be prosecuted for child abandonment and their other child/children be placed on a child protection plan, personally I hope they are prosecuted as they don’t sound fit to be parents

lnks · 10/02/2025 23:05

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 22:57

Yes I know which is why I’ve eaten humble pie later in the thread

Show quote history

Next time it might be worth not starting your reply with a single word sentence “wrong”.
It’s rude, smug and arrogant and will only ever result in pissing people off.

Hibernatingtilspring · 10/02/2025 23:08

@Crazyclover I'm pleased for you that you live in a world where you think this situation is identifiable, but it really isn't that unusual for teenagers to stay with friends parents because their own parents have kicked them out.

I used to work in a team where our sole responsibility was assessing under 18s who tried to present as homeless (ie at a housing office)

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 23:12

lnks · 10/02/2025 23:05

Next time it might be worth not starting your reply with a single word sentence “wrong”.
It’s rude, smug and arrogant and will only ever result in pissing people off.

Show quote history

Well I’ve apologised so won’t be self flaggelating over it. I didn’t want to do what too many posters do - fuck up then scuttle away.

itsallabitofamystery · 10/02/2025 23:19

It sounds like you've had more help than I have!

I'm currently on week 3 of taking in a young homeless person whose parents have also kicked him out. I'm a family friend, nothing more. I phoned social services and they told me far more than I ever thought they would, and this thread has explained why. But 3 weeks on and I'm no further forward finding a permanent solution for him. He's currently staying in my summer house as my house is full. It's so far cost over £300 in electricity to heat. Whilst it's a tested structure (for electricity), it's not authorised as a dwelling, so he simply cannot stay there. SS gave me £50 so I could go buy him clothes (as his mum won't hand them over), and that's it.

How have you managed to get the Section 20 so quickly OP? SS here are saying it's absolutely the last resort due to the high costs involved. There's also no facilities for him in our immediate area, so he's likely to be placed elsewhere away from school and his friends. On Friday I told SS I couldn't keep him here anymore from both an affordability and legal basis (my kids now going without as electricity bill so high), and so far I've heard nothing from them despite me calling them 11 times today!

lnks · 10/02/2025 23:22

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 23:12

Well I’ve apologised so won’t be self flaggelating over it. I didn’t want to do what too many posters do - fuck up then scuttle away.

Show quote history

I don’t expect you to.

I do respect you for coming back and admitting you were wrong. Not many people would have done so. It shows integrity.

purpleme12 · 10/02/2025 23:25

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 10/02/2025 20:46

This whole thing has been so odd.

Very odd....

StormingNorman · 10/02/2025 23:33

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 21:05

She is not a family member

Show quote history

All they told her was when he would be moving out of her house and into foster care. Would you rather a crack team of ninjas whisked him away in the middle of the night?

littleluncheon · 11/02/2025 10:14

itsallabitofamystery · 10/02/2025 23:19

It sounds like you've had more help than I have!

I'm currently on week 3 of taking in a young homeless person whose parents have also kicked him out. I'm a family friend, nothing more. I phoned social services and they told me far more than I ever thought they would, and this thread has explained why. But 3 weeks on and I'm no further forward finding a permanent solution for him. He's currently staying in my summer house as my house is full. It's so far cost over £300 in electricity to heat. Whilst it's a tested structure (for electricity), it's not authorised as a dwelling, so he simply cannot stay there. SS gave me £50 so I could go buy him clothes (as his mum won't hand them over), and that's it.

How have you managed to get the Section 20 so quickly OP? SS here are saying it's absolutely the last resort due to the high costs involved. There's also no facilities for him in our immediate area, so he's likely to be placed elsewhere away from school and his friends. On Friday I told SS I couldn't keep him here anymore from both an affordability and legal basis (my kids now going without as electricity bill so high), and so far I've heard nothing from them despite me calling them 11 times today!

Unfortunately, while you are voluntarily accommodating him and not costing them any money they will leave him there as long as possible.
I've heard of cash strapped social services departments encouraging homeless teens to just sofa surf with a different friend each night to avoid having to take them into care.
You will probably have to force the issue by taking him to school and telling the safeguarding lead that he is now homeless and won't be coming home with you, make it the school's problem.

itsallabitofamystery · 11/02/2025 11:08

@littleluncheon I'm at the point now where I'm backed into a corner, so I have said to them this morning (by text, as they never call me), that he has no where to go this evening and therefore if they do not collect him from school he will be walking the streets. So far, no reply.

I'm just interested to see how OP has managed to get him a placement so quickly, as they're basically telling me they would absolutely try to avoid this at all costs. Yet they've been telling me this for 3 weeks!

BelleDeJourRose · 11/02/2025 11:14

MustDoNothing · 10/02/2025 22:12

To the people saying this process is BS, it's not. I've namechanged for this but at the age of 10, I came home from school to the bombshell that I was being took to a residential children's home there and then. For me there was no warning, no knowledge of a social worker involved, nothing. I was distraught, confused and everything else. It was the one and only time I was ever arrested by the police because i refused to go. I still 29 years later do not know why, apart my own evidenced conclusion that my mum didn't want me now she had a stable boyfriend who didn't like me and my brother. It took a lot of intervention to get over that.

My point is this is possible and DOES happen, though obviously the parents have either consented or cant be contacted.

Oh no, that's awful. Did you have to stay in the children's home after that?

MustDoNothing · 11/02/2025 11:18

BelleDeJourRose · 11/02/2025 11:14

Oh no, that's awful. Did you have to stay in the children's home after that?

Show quote history

Yes I stayed there until I was 16. I was then offered a flat with supported living staff as a "moving on" step.

BelleDeJourRose · 11/02/2025 11:20

MustDoNothing · 11/02/2025 11:18

Yes I stayed there until I was 16. I was then offered a flat with supported living staff as a "moving on" step.

Show quote history

Well I hope your mum has a lonely old age. She deserves it

Sheeparelooseagain · 11/02/2025 11:26

Children's home covers children's overnight respite centres. I know of children who have stayed in them temporarily at short notice.

littleluncheon · 11/02/2025 11:27

itsallabitofamystery · 11/02/2025 11:08

@littleluncheon I'm at the point now where I'm backed into a corner, so I have said to them this morning (by text, as they never call me), that he has no where to go this evening and therefore if they do not collect him from school he will be walking the streets. So far, no reply.

I'm just interested to see how OP has managed to get him a placement so quickly, as they're basically telling me they would absolutely try to avoid this at all costs. Yet they've been telling me this for 3 weeks!

Have you informed the school? They need to know so they keep him at the end of the day and the headteacher gets on to social services. Otherwise he might literally be on the streets or staying somewhere unsafe.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/02/2025 12:19

OKNerd · 10/02/2025 20:59

Wrong. I doubt they would ever engage with anyone but a very strict list of people over this child. You REALLY think people can “call up social services” and access very confidential information over a legal process?

Show quote history

The OP will need to know if she is going to have to accommodate him for a couple more days. A simple answer i.e we'll be taking him on Wednesday. She is already involved.

Flamingoknees · 11/02/2025 12:29

x2boys · 10/02/2025 21:11

Children's homes don't really exist anymore is he gong into to foster care ?

I can assure you they do, for teens. I've visited some, through work, worked with families who have a teen living in one, and will be walking past my local one in about 30 mins

thatsalad · 11/02/2025 12:54

MustDoNothing · 10/02/2025 22:12

To the people saying this process is BS, it's not. I've namechanged for this but at the age of 10, I came home from school to the bombshell that I was being took to a residential children's home there and then. For me there was no warning, no knowledge of a social worker involved, nothing. I was distraught, confused and everything else. It was the one and only time I was ever arrested by the police because i refused to go. I still 29 years later do not know why, apart my own evidenced conclusion that my mum didn't want me now she had a stable boyfriend who didn't like me and my brother. It took a lot of intervention to get over that.

My point is this is possible and DOES happen, though obviously the parents have either consented or cant be contacted.

You were arrested at age 10?

itsallabitofamystery · 11/02/2025 13:20

@littleluncheon I have, but they've said there's nothing they can do as they cannot hold him back after school.

MustDoNothing · 11/02/2025 13:57

thatsalad · 11/02/2025 12:54

You were arrested at age 10?

Show quote history

Yes, i was arrested for breech of the peace (i think its called that). Spent 4 hours in a cell and was then escorted straight to the children's home by both a police officer and 2 members of staff from the home.