Ex partners new partner calling my son "mum"

[Mummaonherown]

My ex has a new GF, they met end of October and things have moved quickly, they are "in love" however when he sees me, he always "tries it on" with me and has stated he doesn't think his feelings for me will ever fade.

Anyway, we had an agreement that new partners would not be introduced until 6 month mark, my son is on the ADHD waiting list and still wants "mummy and daddy" to have days out with him.
My ex collected our son on Saturday and took him swimming, when he came back I asked if he had a good time and he said "yes I went swimming with daddy and mum"
I asked my ex if she was there, he said no however my son has stated on 3 separate occasions with my family members and my friend and her mother that "mum" was there and this morning my son has said he wants to go swimming with mum and daddy again.

I have corrected my son, and told her what her name was, but yet he keeps saying "no it's mum"
AIBU for not thinking this is right?
My ex will deny she was there

Aw your little lad must be confused ! I think a family tree is good too, but if ex swaps and changes gfs a lot then it'll probably confuse ds more. So weird why he would encourage your son to call a gf mum, also does the gf not feel uncomfortable with it ?

I was meant to say it could definitely be seen as alienating in the eyes of a family court. Maybe the mediator could mention this... ?

@cruisetipz He does what he wants, he had a agreement that 6 month minimum to introduce, he's denied she's been around him.
3 weeks ago, it was PGM birthday, my son stayed over the night my ex was constantly messaging me until around 6ish then just went quiet. I called my ex around 8 to say goodnight to my son (we had previously agreed this) he ignored my calls. He finally answered at 9 when he did he video called me and he was walking down the stairs in the house, I asked where our son was he said downstairs asleep on the sofa, he showed me on video call our son asleep, still in his clothes asleep on the sofa on his own. I do believe that she was there on his PGM birthday and he went upstairs with her and left our son alone downstairs (PGM was in the kitchen)
If this was the other way around and I saw my son 2 Saturdays a month and I was at my parents house, to bring another man around my son and take them upstairs would not be acceptable in my parents house, especially when my 4 year son is around and still confused.
He does it because he does not care about my feelings, it's all about him.

I can understand this hurts but sadly in today's society that it seems mothers and fathers are replaced quite easily, especially when the children are young.

For years fathers have had to watch as their "ex's new partner is now quickly dad or stepdad" never agreed with it and think it's a despicable practice but now it's mothers who can just as quickly be replaced.

Equality is finally being equalised

I have been with my DP for just over a year, he introduced me to his little boy 6 months in. In the last few months his son has been calling me “mummy ryderrer” as he’s with us half the week every week. I have discouraged this saying his mummy is his only mummy. My dp also says this to him. But he persists, sometimes when kids get stuff in their heads they just run with it. I totally understand that it could be hurtful, but it’s just a name. You will never be replaced as his mummy, and everyone knows that you’re his mummy!

the issue is more that he’s introducing his young son to different women seemingly indiscriminately. I met my DP’s son’s mum before I ever met him. It’s about respect and safety.

@Ryderrer yes, I agree that was also discussed very briefly that out of respect we would introduce our new partners, and to build a relationship with that person, but as I've said he will never let me meet her due to the fact he's been trying it on with me non stop and sending sexual messages.
My ex only has our son 2 Saturdays a month - sometimes he has a sleep over with daddy sometimes he doesn't, I honestly think the only reason why he brought her along was to act like "he's a good dad"
He rang me earlier from his mum's phone and confirmed nursery pick up tomorrow, he will collect at 6 and be back at mine at 6.30 I was expecting to go to the gym tomorrow after work but he told me to be back by 7 as he's got things to do, then said he would call our son to say good night, he never bothered.
It's all about him, he's behind this I'm sure!

He doesn’t care about your feelings. He didn’t care about them when you were together so he’s not going to know you’ve split. Let go of that expectation because you’ll only be disappointed if you hang onto it.

He should be prioritising his child’s feelings and making sure the little time they have together is spent together, not your son trailing after him and his new GF.

@StormingNorman I know, and that's hurtful as it seems everything we've ever discussed/been through has been a lie.
I've got a meeting with SEN lead tomorrow at nursery and I'm going to have a quick word with her today as ex is collecting him tonight, I'm hoping she might say a few passing comments to him.

Give yourself a new name? Like, Super-Actual-Birth-Mum ♥️
Try and relax. You can only control you and the way you are. X

@Elhu thank I might just do that x

Hi all,
So just an update
Ex's new GF isn't called Rachel, he lied about her name I don't know why, but he did
"Rachel" has 3 children, all under 10 again he lied and said she didn't have children, my son has been around her and her children every Saturday my ex has had him (4 overnights this year) makes sense why he was calling her mum now.
My ex has refused to introduce her to me, despite me asking if I can meet her, again I don't know why it would be nice to know who is around my child
2 weeks ago, my ex came to my home and denied they were together, said we should "think about getting back together, I shot this down'
He doesn't call during the week, doesn't get involved in any parenting refused to do medation or download the parenting app.
He doesn't pay for our son neither, this weekend he ensured me I would have money on Friday, it never came, again yesterday, it never came and he ignored my message this morning.
It's seems to be all a game, I don't know what to do.
I just want him to show me our son is his priority but it seems he only wants him to impress his gf and "play happy families"
I'm so drained I really am

He sounds a dick.

However if the girlfriend has children of her own and is happy to let your son call her mum she might actually be taking better care of your boy than his father?

He might have chosen her as she is maternal.

Is it worth going to court for CMS?

@Chuchoter I think because her 3 children were calling her mum, that's why my son did. He now calls her by her "real name" and that's what he refers to her as.
My ex introduced her after 2 months, the last gf which was the reason we spilt (he was cheating) was after 2 months.

My ex doesn't get involved with anything, I used to lead him on parenting and getting involved with anything to do with our son, so maybe he's looking for someone to do the same.
It's just a shame that the only time my son sees his dad, his gf is there with her 3 children and my son shares his dad with 3 other children (he has known her for 4.5 months)

@Nanny0gg he currently fraudulently claiming UC. He was genuinely out of work in August/Oct last year I helped him get everything set up with UC (rent and single person allowance) he went back to work end of October he was paying me up until he started his new relationship, the last payment I got was 6th December then he just stopped.
Since the 6th December I've received £130 to date off of him (should be £250 a month)
I contacted CMS in January when he refused to pay and they were the ones who told me he was on benefits, I told them no he's working (he earns £700 a week) they told me he wasn't declaring income so it's fraud.
Had to choice but to report him to benefit fraud, it's a 6 month investigation so they will catch up to him. He's 6k in rent arrears thats one of the reasons why he's doing it, so the government pay his rent.
So unless he has a heart and wants to pay, I don't get a penny.
I'm borrowing money off of people at the end of the month until I get paid, it's causing me real problems.

Prince among men!

Right, now I have found out (he admitted it) that she doesn't have her 3 children in her care full time. Am I right to be concerned about this? I thought it was strange as I've spoken to him a few times during the week and he's in the pub with her at 9 at night, she she seems to always be able to drive him around (this was before I found out she had kids) but now I know she's got kids, I was wondering where they were.
I questioned him last night and he admitted it.
From my understanding it takes quite a lot for a mother to loose custody of her children.
My ex asked me not to say anything about his "colourful past" as she would walk.
Now I understand why he has lied so much, he/they are hiding something.
Should I be concerned about her being around my child 4/5 months in?

Yes you should.
Contact SS and ask for advice.

@Mummaonherown depends what he means. Technically you don’t have full custody as you share with your ex, many children are 50:50 with each parent so it’s not automatically a bad thing that she’s free in the evening to go out. It may be that her children live with their other parent for the majority of the time and she only has them EOW, there can be a whole host of reasons for this. However if you have reason to be concerned about her suitability to be around your child due to safeguarding concerns then it makes sense to check with social services.