To think DH is being ridiculous about nephew playing with DD’s toys?

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So, we had BIL and SIL over today with their DS (6). Lovely kid, well-behaved, gets on well with our DD (4). They were playing nicely when DS started playing with some of DD’s toys – mostly her dolls and the Barbie house. DH suddenly pipes up and says, “Oh, those are DD’s special toys, let’s not mess them up.”

I was mortified. DD wasn’t bothered at all – in fact, she was happily playing along. But DH kept making little comments like, “Maybe you’d rather play with the cars instead?” (which, ironically, DD also plays with all the time!). BIL and SIL didn’t say anything, but I could tell SIL was a bit ??? about it.

After they left, I told DH he was being ridiculous, and he doubled down saying, “They’re her toys, and I don’t want them getting ruined.” I pointed out that (a) DD was fine with sharing, (b) he doesn’t bat an eye when other kids play with them, and (c) DS is SIX, not some rampaging toddler who’s going to destroy them. He then muttered something about “boys should play with boys’ toys”, which… just no.

I honestly didn’t think DH was that old-fashioned, but now I’m wondering if I’ve been blind to it? AIBU to think he’s being completely OTT? And if so, how do I get through to him?

Posting here before I actually lose my mind.

Sorry that's ridiculous. I would be very worried to have a boy with this man.

Ridiculous, toys are toys. What did your iLs say in response?

Yep, totally mad. I imagine the in laws also think it’s very odd behaviour!

How disappointing to label toys “boys’ toys” and “girls’ toys”!

If the children are having fun and playing nicely then there’s literally no problem in this situation other than your DH….

It was obvious from the moment you said about the dolls that your DH was worried that nephew would "catch the gay" from playing with "girls' toys".

That's absolutely pathetic.

Are you sure it isn't DH who's 6? He sounds beyond immature and pathetic.

I'd tell him to knock it off. I can't stand that kind of nonsense.

I genuinely don't think I could raise a child with a man who thinks like that.

You are not over reacting at all, but how can you not know someone's attitude to things like this before you have a child with them?
That is a toxic attitude to force on a child. I'd think long and hard before I risked having a son with him

Pathetic of him. Unacceptable actually.

Yuck. I'd make it clear to him how sexist it is and how nephews penis won't fall off if he plays with dolls and barbies.

But honestly, I'd struggle to be married to someone with those views.

Is DD your only child?

That’s what I thought! SIL didn’t say anything, but I could feel the awkwardness. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a conversation about it on the way home. I just don’t get it – DD was happy sharing, so why is DH acting like her toys are some sacred artefacts?! Feels like there’s some underlying weirdness about “boy” vs “girl” toys that I hadn’t clocked before. Ugh.

YANBU. I would be tempted to tell him that you hope he has no ambitions of having sons of his own because there is no way you would risk it having seen how ridiculously he behaved with DN.

Might give him pause for thought

So it's OK for dd to play with cars which he presumably sees as boy toys but not ok for dn to play with girls toys? Can he explain the logic, leaving aside the fact that there is no such thing as boys' toys and girls' toys in my world?

I have a bil with similar attitudes, although I know long before any of us had dc that he was a misogynist and a homophobe so I wasn't terribly surprised. I just avoid him wherever possible.

Well he's made himself look a right knob hasn't he?! How embarrassing (for him).

Does he ever get down on the floor and play with dd?

Tell him that DD now can't have her card, calls, Lego etc

Exactly this.

Rarely, if I’m honest. He’ll do the odd puzzle or read to her at bedtime, but actual playing? Not really his thing. Makes it even more ridiculous that he suddenly cares so much about who touches her toys! Feels like he’s making it a bigger issue than DD ever would.

Sounds ridiculous. I think it's nice that the two children were playing together and both children probably saw it as nice to have someone else to play the same thing with. My son absolutely loved playing babies with his sister, he was also (and still is) very much into trains.
Does your DD have 'boy' toys or are they forbidden too?

Could you ask him about it, with a curious attitude? If you say he's talking nonsense he would argue but if you explore his ideas, he might realise how flawed they are.
I didn't believe these attitudes were real until my neighbour got funny about my 3yo son pushing a doll in a buggy, saying he didn't want to do that. She never got upset when my husband pushed my kids in a pram or buggy!!

Please message your SIL and say you're sorry DH was being such a weirdo!

But presumably that's just an excuse. He's not actually bothered about damage to toys, but it sounds more socially acceptable than saying 'boys can't play with dolls'. It's even more odd when it's not even his child! I don't tolerate this from my 75yo FIL and call him out on any comments.

Just reassure him that The Gay is actually quite hard to catch. My 3 sons all had toys that could Give Them The Gay but only one of them Caught It.

My sister's two sons both had toys with potential for transmission but they appear unscathed thus far & should have been showing symptoms by now.

My twin nieces are another story as one of them shows a preference for blue & trousers, but no one cares about that..

Yes he's being ridiculous