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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let him in?

72 replies

HEIHEI23 · 09/02/2025 08:30

Last night, I heard someone knocking on the door at 3am. Thought I'd imagined it but then it happened again. I woke my husband and he said I'd dreamt it until it happened again! I looked out the window and there was a man walking round the street looking panicked and I could hear him on the phone to his mum.
I opened the window and shouted him over and he said someone had just tried to stab him on his way home from the pub and he needed help.
My husband went to let him in and he basically said he'd been jumped by four lads who had knives and he'd ran off but didn't want to walk home incase he saw them again. He was middle aged and obviously had a few drinks! He waited with him until his taxi came and then he left and came back to bed. The man took our details for when he spoke to police when he got home.

Since waking up this morning some of my friends have been saying we were mad to let him in at that time and now I'm curious as to what others think 😂

So AIBU?
Yes - what were you thinking? I wouldn't have let him in.
No - I would have let him in too

OP posts:
Squigglesandgiggles · 09/02/2025 08:32

I wouldn’t have let him in but only because I’ve got kids in the house.
if it was just me and DP I’d of been more inclined to help

QuestionableMouse · 09/02/2025 08:35

As a single woman, not a chance I'd let him in my flat. I would let him in the lobby though where he could wait safely.

PennyKitchen · 09/02/2025 08:35

No I wouldn't have let him in. I'm not putting me and my family in danger. I'd phone the police.

Zanatdy · 09/02/2025 08:36

It’s hard to say really without being in that situation. My natural instinct is always to help people. With a man there, slightly different, I live alone with teenage DD.

Octavia64 · 09/02/2025 08:36

I wouldn't have let him in but I would have sat outside with him and brought out a cup of tea.

username299 · 09/02/2025 08:37

I'm in London and I'm not letting in a drunk man at 3am. I would have called the police.

JudgeBread · 09/02/2025 08:38

Not if I was on my own, no. I might tell him through the ring doorbell that he can go sit in the back garden until his taxi arrives if I was feeling particularly charitable.

The combination of my husband and dogs in the house would make me feel better about it, but I'd still be very wary. You just never know with people, and the Clockwork Orange scene springs to mind....

xRobin · 09/02/2025 08:39

If it was right now, no. I’m pregnant and have a 7 year old in the house so worst case scenario it would be my DP as the only one who could defend the house.
If it was pre-pregnancy then I would help and let him in but only after watching him for roughly 30 seconds out the window (without him spotting me) to assess his behaviour and check whether there were any others in the street that could rush the door once I opened it.
First thing I’d do would to also check the back door before opening the front door to see if any others were out the back.

PennyKitchen · 09/02/2025 08:39

I think I'm just very wary. I live in an area that's a big rough. One night I heard banging on my door around midnight, looked through my ring doorbell and there was a dodgy looking man shouting that he needed me to phone an ambulance, then I saw him glance at the camera, say " shit there's a camera" and walked off ( with his phone in hand). So I presume he was trying to rob me.

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 08:41

I once got out of bed, went across the street (on my own) to help a woman who was being assaulted be her partner. She lived in one of the houses across the street (not seen her before), her partner ran inside, came out carrying the toddler, and tried again to drag her by her hair inside the house (he had already punched her to the floor)
I managed to call the police who were there in a flash
Other neighbours all stayed inside while this poor woman was screaming on the floor … they were all looking out of their windows though.

i can’t be doing with bystander syndrome.

tiredoflondonbutnotlife · 09/02/2025 08:43

I, as a woman, wouldn't have invited him inside my house.

I wonder what the responses would be from men.

OctopusFriend · 09/02/2025 08:45

You're on MN - people don't even answer their door in the middle of the day. You're an outlier.
Well done for helping someone, though obviously you wouldn't have done so if you were on your own.

OctopusFriend · 09/02/2025 08:46

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 08:41

I once got out of bed, went across the street (on my own) to help a woman who was being assaulted be her partner. She lived in one of the houses across the street (not seen her before), her partner ran inside, came out carrying the toddler, and tried again to drag her by her hair inside the house (he had already punched her to the floor)
I managed to call the police who were there in a flash
Other neighbours all stayed inside while this poor woman was screaming on the floor … they were all looking out of their windows though.

i can’t be doing with bystander syndrome.

Well done, you. Yes, many people are bystanders.

kiraric · 09/02/2025 08:46

We had something similar and what we did was call the police for her but we didn't let her in the house.

It really unnerved me how keen she was to get in the house. That was what made me not want to do it. The police came very quickly

Moonnstars · 09/02/2025 08:46

No I wouldn't have let him in.
I would have rung the police though and perhaps talked to him out the window/kept an eye out. I am not sure why you didn't call the police or he didn't call them when you let him in and he was waiting? Surely this would have been more timely for them to patrol the area to see if they could spot anything.
I think I would now be logging this with 101 with whatever details you have from this man so there is a record.

JoyousPinkPeer · 09/02/2025 08:48

Had he tried to get the police to come?

Justalittlehandhold · 09/02/2025 08:53

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 08:41

I once got out of bed, went across the street (on my own) to help a woman who was being assaulted be her partner. She lived in one of the houses across the street (not seen her before), her partner ran inside, came out carrying the toddler, and tried again to drag her by her hair inside the house (he had already punched her to the floor)
I managed to call the police who were there in a flash
Other neighbours all stayed inside while this poor woman was screaming on the floor … they were all looking out of their windows though.

i can’t be doing with bystander syndrome.

Bloody well done you! I hope he was duly prosecuted.

we had frantic knocking on the door late one night, two young lads had climbed over the park fence (had been drinking), one caught his arm and tore down to the muscle. Then collapsed, they’d knocked on another door but got shouted at to go away.

He had collapsed, so I didn’t want to move him, but we got towels, etc, kept pressure on the wound until the ambulance arrived.

I would always help.

Original poster
HEIHEI23 · 09/02/2025 08:54

So interesting seeing the different responses! We live in quite a quiet area so that's perhaps why we let him in. I did watch from the window first and listened to him without him knowing I was there and heard him saying to his mum "no they've gone now but they might come back" whilst looking round corners.
I think he was desperate to get somewhere safe in case they did come back. Once he was in our house he did say he'd call the police but to be honest we just wanted to go back to bed so told him to do it when he got home 🙈
He looked like a normal middle aged man with a little bald spot and a back pack! Which i appreciate doesn't mean anything but I wonder if that swayed us a bit.

OP posts:
Ophy83 · 09/02/2025 08:55

I'd be concerned about a situation like Olivia Pratt-Korbel where a gunman was chasing a drug dealer, dealer hammered on front door then gunman followed after and the poor little girl got shot...

So I think the sensible option is calling the police, and only going outside yourself to assist after waiting and watching to be sure there's no additional source of danger

Justalittlehandhold · 09/02/2025 08:55

Moonnstars · 09/02/2025 08:46

No I wouldn't have let him in.
I would have rung the police though and perhaps talked to him out the window/kept an eye out. I am not sure why you didn't call the police or he didn't call them when you let him in and he was waiting? Surely this would have been more timely for them to patrol the area to see if they could spot anything.
I think I would now be logging this with 101 with whatever details you have from this man so there is a record.

What are you going to “log with 101”?

What do you think the potential dangers are?

TappyGilmore · 09/02/2025 08:56

No, absolutely not. I would have done what I could to help without letting him in, like call the police, but no way would I let him in.

wipeywipe · 09/02/2025 08:58

I'd be concerned about a situation like Olivia Pratt-Korbel where a gunman was chasing a drug dealer, dealer hammered on front door then gunman followed after and the poor little girl got shot...

Cause that's a very common situation?!

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/02/2025 08:59

I am a woman living on my own. I would have called the police, but I wouldn't have let him in.

wipeywipe · 09/02/2025 08:59

If I was alone, I likely would have reacted differently vs with DH but I think generally you can tell when someone is actually scared etc. If alone, I would have called the police & let them hide in my porch etc. If it was my dc I would want someone to help.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 09/02/2025 09:02

Isn't this some kind of distraction crime scenario? You're distracted by the man at the front so someone can break in the back/take something. Sure i saw similar somewhere before.

Personally no i wouldn't have let him in. I'd have conversed from the window and called the police. Might have offered the back garden as a safe spot but that's it.