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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let him in?

72 replies

HEIHEI23 · 09/02/2025 08:30

Last night, I heard someone knocking on the door at 3am. Thought I'd imagined it but then it happened again. I woke my husband and he said I'd dreamt it until it happened again! I looked out the window and there was a man walking round the street looking panicked and I could hear him on the phone to his mum.
I opened the window and shouted him over and he said someone had just tried to stab him on his way home from the pub and he needed help.
My husband went to let him in and he basically said he'd been jumped by four lads who had knives and he'd ran off but didn't want to walk home incase he saw them again. He was middle aged and obviously had a few drinks! He waited with him until his taxi came and then he left and came back to bed. The man took our details for when he spoke to police when he got home.

Since waking up this morning some of my friends have been saying we were mad to let him in at that time and now I'm curious as to what others think 😂

So AIBU?
Yes - what were you thinking? I wouldn't have let him in.
No - I would have let him in too

OP posts:
Unrelated38 · 09/02/2025 09:02

God no. I remember ex BIL bringing a hitchhiker home to his house with SIL and their son. I thought he was off his rocker. I'd have called the police.

ServantsGonnaServe · 09/02/2025 09:02

Mad.

I have children and if I let someone in and irs the wrong judgement call they could be injured. If I don't let someone in, the worst that happens is that they remain injured (which I didn't cause)

I would 100% have called an emergency service. And IMO of he wasn't injured badly enough to need that immediately then there is no way I'd have put myself at risk.

At most, if someone appeared to be potentially fatally injured, if I thought it was safe, I'd be shouting on the street, makong so much noise that i wake up the neighbourhood and they come out too, as well as phoning emergency services and locking the door behind myself so only I am at risk as a result of deciding to help.

Nobody Is getting access to my kids home.

LadyKenya · 09/02/2025 09:03

I would have called the Police. I really don't know if I would have let him in though.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/02/2025 09:05

He looked like a normal middle aged man with a little bald spot and a back pack! Which i appreciate doesn't mean anything but I wonder if that swayed us a bit.

It probably did, but it means fuck all. The men who have attacked and harmed me looked normal. No way am I opening my door to a stranger at 3am.

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 09:05

Justalittlehandhold · 09/02/2025 08:53

Bloody well done you! I hope he was duly prosecuted.

we had frantic knocking on the door late one night, two young lads had climbed over the park fence (had been drinking), one caught his arm and tore down to the muscle. Then collapsed, they’d knocked on another door but got shouted at to go away.

He had collapsed, so I didn’t want to move him, but we got towels, etc, kept pressure on the wound until the ambulance arrived.

I would always help.

Show quote history

The Police were great, Blues & Two’s there in minutes, and I’ve never seen anyone put so quickly in the back of a van.
Unfortunately she wouldn’t give any sort of a statement / complaint to the police, so it went nowhere.

I also once stopped in my car to break up a fight / pile on, involving some teenagers, ended to bundling the victim into my car and taking her home.

OnlyThickBeans · 09/02/2025 09:06

Not on my own. Possibly with DH there. I’ve stopped to help people in trouble before in similar circumstances.

SnoopysHoose · 09/02/2025 09:10

I would speak to him out the window and tell him
to come into our secure back garden if I was home alone, call police, taxi etc.
DP would go out and help, he's more than capable of defending himself, he's physically restrained a drunk driver before, got a bit violent, he's not a bystander.

MedusaAndHerFavourites · 09/02/2025 09:11

To be honest I would be very reluctant to let a man in or even help him because I don't trust strange men. However, I should maybe think about how I would feel if I didn't help and they were then attacked or murdered.

I would definitely let a woman in though and would want to help.

Pootlemcsmootle · 09/02/2025 09:12

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 08:41

I once got out of bed, went across the street (on my own) to help a woman who was being assaulted be her partner. She lived in one of the houses across the street (not seen her before), her partner ran inside, came out carrying the toddler, and tried again to drag her by her hair inside the house (he had already punched her to the floor)
I managed to call the police who were there in a flash
Other neighbours all stayed inside while this poor woman was screaming on the floor … they were all looking out of their windows though.

i can’t be doing with bystander syndrome.

You're amazing. We need more people like you!

Hillarious · 09/02/2025 09:14

It would most likely be down to gut instinct at the time as to what I would do. I once, with two others, did a “citizen’s arrest” on someone late in the evening following an assault on someone I didn’t know. The most frightening aspect of it was when the plain clothes police turned up and didn’t immediately identified themselves. It absolutely felt like the right thing to do at the time but the following day felt more scary.

PheasantPluckers · 09/02/2025 09:15

I wouldn't have because I'm on my own. I'd have felt really shit about it and wouldn't have been able to relax intil I'd seen he got in the taxi.

Saracen · 09/02/2025 09:18

If I didn't have my DH at home, I wouldn't let him in, just call police.

With my DH at home I would shout to him to come to the door and then let him decide.

Not only because he's a man and less likely to be attacked, but also he is much better than I at assessing people to know whether they are a risk. Mind you, he's getting older now and he might start being more cautious. As a big burly bloke he has generally felt safe unless someone is unpredictable or likely to have a weapon.

Noperope · 09/02/2025 09:20

When I was younger I would have absolutely let him in. Called the police for him, kept watch out the window, and probably tried to solve the crime myself. I was up for anything in my 20s! Now I'm in my 40s with 2 small dc and there's no way I would have let him in. I'd call the police and speak to him through the window, but I'd be extremely cautious and be sure to protect myself. I watch far too much true crime now to be charitable!

JoyousPinkPeer · 09/02/2025 09:21

It's a psychological phenomenon called "bystander apathy". People generally think that somebody else will help and if they see somebody helping then they are certainly unlikely to help.
It's a very strange one, I'm like you and would always want to try to help.

Astrabees · 09/02/2025 09:22

Yes I would have let him in. I would hope that if this happened to me or one of my sons someone would help. Over the years DH and I have helped lots of people who have knocked on our door with car problems, lost pets and defective mobiles. Hoe would you feel if this chap had been stabbed on his walk home?

Nanny0gg · 09/02/2025 09:23

HEIHEI23 · 09/02/2025 08:54

So interesting seeing the different responses! We live in quite a quiet area so that's perhaps why we let him in. I did watch from the window first and listened to him without him knowing I was there and heard him saying to his mum "no they've gone now but they might come back" whilst looking round corners.
I think he was desperate to get somewhere safe in case they did come back. Once he was in our house he did say he'd call the police but to be honest we just wanted to go back to bed so told him to do it when he got home 🙈
He looked like a normal middle aged man with a little bald spot and a back pack! Which i appreciate doesn't mean anything but I wonder if that swayed us a bit.

You're bonkers!

First thing you should have done was call the police!

Then by all means stay with him outside with the option to get in if they came back

MissUltraViolet · 09/02/2025 09:25

Nope, would not have let him in. He could have been dangerous, could have been lying to gain access etc and even if he wasn’t and was telling the truth, you don’t want the men chasing him and trying to stab him to see him walk into your house because that could paint a target on it.

This is why I have a ring doorbell. Had a few drunk people banging on door over years, mostly because they have the wrong house. But it makes it safer for us to deal with without having to open doors…or get out of bed.

Ilovelurchers · 09/02/2025 09:28

Of course you did the right thing to help someone in need. I am sickened and horrified that so many of you would have left this guy in danger. Imagine if that was your partner or son who had been stabbed and needed a place of safety.....

I do agree that those of us who are women living alone/with children may think twice about about letting him into the house, and may look for other ways to help - for example, I live in flats, so if there on my own I would have let him through into the main lobby to wait safely for help, rather than into my flat itself .....

If my male partner was here, I would of course let him in and offer him whatever help he needed, without a second thought

I do despair of our society, if so many people would just leave him to the mercy of those who attacked him without a second thought...... It's like a nightmare isn't it - imagine you are stabbed, and you run away from your attackers, and you get to some residential buildings, and think, thank God, someone will help me now...... And they all just leave you to your fate......

Moonnstars · 09/02/2025 09:32

Justalittlehandhold · 09/02/2025 08:55

What are you going to “log with 101”?

What do you think the potential dangers are?

Show quote history

Well if there were any other incidents over night involving knife crime they could connect the cases possibly.

I don't get why no one reported at the time. He said there was a group with knives and they were going to stab him. This group could have gone after someone else. They might have actually done so.
By logging with police this creates a record of locations of incidents and where (if resources allow) to monitor. If several people also ring in with similar concerns it could possibly be linked together and the police aware of a group going round threatening people. If this man goes home and decides he is too embarrassed to report it, then the extent of possibly crime goes unknown.

Alternatively if this is a scam, someone trying to break in to homes, check out what valuables people have, the police can also be aware to put out warnings to not let people into your house (particularly vulnerable people who might fall for any sob stories that aren't genuine).

Thelnebriati · 09/02/2025 09:33

JoyousPinkPeer · 09/02/2025 09:21

It's a psychological phenomenon called "bystander apathy". People generally think that somebody else will help and if they see somebody helping then they are certainly unlikely to help.
It's a very strange one, I'm like you and would always want to try to help.

Its not bystander apathy; the man said someone had tried to stab him. People talking about being able to defend themselves against a group of men with knives are living in cloud cuckoo land.

You can help someone in that situation without putting yourself at risk.

Gymmum82 · 09/02/2025 09:35

Ophy83 · 09/02/2025 08:55

I'd be concerned about a situation like Olivia Pratt-Korbel where a gunman was chasing a drug dealer, dealer hammered on front door then gunman followed after and the poor little girl got shot...

So I think the sensible option is calling the police, and only going outside yourself to assist after waiting and watching to be sure there's no additional source of danger

Came on to say exactly this. That happened not far from me. No way would I open the door to anyone and risk my kids

Original poster
HEIHEI23 · 09/02/2025 09:35

MissUltraViolet · 09/02/2025 09:25

Nope, would not have let him in. He could have been dangerous, could have been lying to gain access etc and even if he wasn’t and was telling the truth, you don’t want the men chasing him and trying to stab him to see him walk into your house because that could paint a target on it.

This is why I have a ring doorbell. Had a few drunk people banging on door over years, mostly because they have the wrong house. But it makes it safer for us to deal with without having to open doors…or get out of bed.

Annoyingly the doorbell ran out of batteries last week and we've not replaced them 😂

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 09/02/2025 09:36

People too frightened for their own safety let bad things happen to others. We need kind strangers to trust their instincts and help people in need. Everyone saying “I wouldn’t let them in”, what happens if it was you, your DH or your adult children that needed help and no strangers answered the door to them when they’d been attacked? Trust your instincts in the moment OP.

Franjipanl8r · 09/02/2025 09:37

Do people really think someone up to no good calls at someone’s front door at 3am?!! I’ve been a victim of burglary twice now and I can tell you, they don’t ring the doorbell!

Sacredhandbag · 09/02/2025 09:37

I also cannot stand bystander syndrome. I've taught both my kids from a young age never to be a bystander and I've intervened in situations in front of them to show them the right thing to do.

I'd have let him in. He's a fellow human being and I am 100% of the opinion that 99% of people will not hurt you. People deserve help from other people. Everyone should feel they can ask their fellow man to be there for them in their hour of need. I'd have made him a coffee and let him make any calls he needed to and then seen him on his way
It saddens me to think there are people out there that wouldn't do the same for me out of fear of what I might do to them.

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