Is your life a bit boring, like mine?

[Imgoingbacktothestart77]

Mid 40’s, with a 6 year old Dc.
I live abroad, so life should be more interesting really…lots of beaches, sun, places to go, things to do. I work part time and have some nice friends and a Dh i’ve been with for years.
When I was younger, I was pretty wild from a young age and had lots of fun..90’s style…clubs, drinking, smoking, drugs and so on, they were incredible times.
I then got into my career and worked hard, travelled to a great many places then settled in one place abroad. We had Dd a little later and I stayed home with her and was v happy and fulfilled.
Now, I just feel this sense of ‘Meh’ and ‘What now?’ drifting in.
Everything feels very samey, I feel like we’ve visited everywhere near us and things and places I used to feel excited to go to, now I just feel like I can’t really be bothered.
The most exciting thing is cooking a roast or something nice at the weekend, I used to enjoy this and the small things..now it just all seems so dull.

How do you make your lives more interesting?

Does anyone feel like me?

Yes exactly this… i feel like every “first-time-excitement “ is gone! Not really something HRT could solve, is just a fact of living that as you get older you get more experienced.

I just found a small remedy: taking up things i never did before, because for some reason i didn’t like them. If I start doing them now, they’re still new to me! So I never traveled to France because I didn’t liked the language and always preferred Italy. Now i’m a bit fed up with Italy really and I found out I have the whole of France left to discover! And history, when I was younger I always thought history was very dull, nowadays I finally have time to read books about it and visit places nearby that played a role in history.

Yes spending all your time/money on your own self and your own pleasure with no responsibilities is very different to being a mum with not much of anything for yourself 😁

I think if you live somewhere beautiful you could focus on that and the small changes everyday in the plants and flowers, the birds and animals you see, what washes up on the shore or the patterns the tides leave in the sand. I don’t live somewhere especially beautiful but I do pay attention to the nature around me and it helps me feel connected to the world/ universe as a whole which helps stop feelings of meh.

Your 40s is statistically the most depressed decade where people feel worst about their lives and then it’s meant to pick up after so it might be you just need to get through the tunnel.

I’m a bit the same, also mid 40’s and my youngest child is 6. I don’t think it helps that I had my children in two sets so nothing is new with the younger ones. I’ve already done all the ferrying to clubs and trips to places and spent a million hours in all the parks.

Also everything is so expensive now, we used to meet friends for a long walk once every couple of months then go to the pub for a meal. But everyone started not wanting to do the meal part because it cost so much, so we started going for just a drink, but then all the kids would be whining and it was costing £30+ just for drinks and so we stopped that and now everyone rushes off home after the walk and the walks have fizzled out to about twice a year.

Even yesterday I took the kids to their sports club in the morning then we were walking home along the beach and they were playing as we walked so it was taking forever. Imaginary me was enjoying the walk on the beach and loving that they were playing imaginatively out in the fresh air. But real me was getting grumpy and trying to hurry them along because I was getting cold and hungry and had stuff to do when we got home. And I found myself thinking why can’t I just enjoy this?

I definitely need to stop and smell the flowers and start appreciating the small things again.

I think my 40s were the best time actually. Kids grown freedom to go out and about and travel etc but also appreciated it more than many people who do in in their 20s

Sounds like the menopause to me, it will pass.

I enjoy podcasts, rugby, cheap sun holidays. I can see how beautiful, sunny places can get a bit lame, same ding dong every day. Same everywhere tbh.

I m single, I get a kick out of dating and flirting.

Following for inspiration to see what others are doing to get out of feeling stuck in a rut!

So excited for this! Although when I’m 40 my youngest will only be 8 (oldest will be 15). But bring it on!

Also a couple of my friends have been through the menopause and say once you’re through it, life is soooo good and you just DGAF!

I don't feel that.

I'm a single mum. My kids are teen/pre teens.
I work full time in a demanding job, but I enjoy it. I study a masters that I absolutely love!

I spend time with people who I adore and vise versa. We travel, go to gigs, theatre.

You need to fill your life with things you enjoy! Finding is half the fun, you need to go and try things out!

Thanks to this thread I have found an evening art class. It starts in June so have enrolled 🙂

Yep it's boring asf.

I'm sure there are some small things I could do to improve life but single parent to a 5 year old daughter, Co parent with the ex so can't move away to a new place, have to stay close. Work full time so no time for hobbies, and I'm knackered All the time. No family nearby and friends are either child free or have family time at weekends. Struggle financially so can't even get a dopamine hit from spending online 😂😭

I'm hoping when my daughter is older it'll mean I can have more of a social life and do things for myself but at the moment and since having children I do feel it's all been a bit of a slog as horrible as it is to admit.

I try and read in the evenings though, it's good escapism from life.

No not at all. I have a very full life. Full time job, several children, hobbies, friends, travel. I can hardly keep up with myself!

I made a very conscious decision to open my life up. I was stuck in such a rut. I started to try things, now I’m training to become a ski instructor & have started scuba diving. Also joined a kayaking club. Just decided what I ‘wanted to be’ and went for it. It’s physically & mentally challenging, so with that and work I never get bored. Just go and do something. Anything. One life, live it.

Tbh i agree i have more confidence now than i did when i was in my 20s i care less what others think and i enjoy life more and do more now.
Im one of them that will throw a dart at a map and pick up my passport and go.

I think you are describing the moment you finally realise that the list of things that are going to give you that magical wow moment, have finally shortened to almost nothing. I would say it is a phase in life not everyone reaches, I still meet people in their 50's to whom a new car, a birthday, a holiday, christmas, valentines day etc etc, all make them magically excited. I often wonder if its just habit for them, and they are too scared to admit it, or if they are honestly that animated by what appears to me to be something that ceased to have any meaning many years ago.

Is having a full life hobbies, a job, children, friends, parties? I think such a life would make me want to die inside very quickly. Like you, I lived a pretty wild life right through to my late 40's, after which everything became meh. For me, now, life is made up of challenges, how do I affect the people closest to me? what can I do to help them? How can I be the best of myself, both physically and mentally, how can I be more understanding, empathetic, patient. Instead of looking for pleasure and happiness each day, I look for work and life challenges, I find myself taking each interaction and experience as a lesson or a test, did I pass, did I fail, did I say the right thing or do the right thing, what actually is the right thing, over and above what current society dictates, what is universally right, what is universally wrong...

I know that I will more than likely never find that excitement and happiness that I had in my 20s/30s, and in a sense it is quite liberating not to be chasing constant happiness, and be content with just living each day as it comes, and learning a bit more about the world, about myself, about the people around me. I am not happy, but I am not unhappy, I am content however.

I don't think its for everyone though...

I'm not sure whether this post is more patronising or more depressing.

I do know it's complete bollox though

Haha this resonated with me 😂

I used to go out on the weekends with my mates and pretend probably badly that I was having fun but I was bored shitless.

I'm having much more fun going on nice walks and having a piece of cake in middle age 😁

But then I think, would going back to a grey, less stunning place make things any better

I think the point is, you no longer appreciate it when you've got it every day. Living in the UK, I really appreciate and enjoy a sunny day because they're not that frequent. Even though the seasons aren't as defined as they once were, I love different things about the seasons...

In winter I like to go walking and find a really cosy pub with a real fire, and I enjoy winter food like casseroles and soups.
In spring it's lovely to see the flowers starting to poke through, the lambs being born, the first hint of occasional warm sunny days.
Summer I appreciate the evenings in beer gardens, lighter nights for evening walks, washing drying quickly on the line.
Autumn - I mainly love the colours, different smells in the air.

I think people who live somewhere it's pretty much always sunny don't get these pleasures.

I had mine young. So I probably only did the fun clubbing and drinking stuff as a free person for about 3 years. When I had my daughter I was lucky enough to juggle motherhood, career climbing, and I got involved in a few local hobby related groups - then I started my own group - when meet up was big.

Now a decade later I’m part of this community which is a part time business and that keeps me busy - plus I’m lucky to have a partner that supports it. It means that every month there is something to keep ontop of, and because it’s my own thing, my dd has been a part of it.

Finding a community that’s child friendly so you can experience it on your own and on the random occasions you need to bring your daughter with you. Finding others in the same situation and making the decision to do something local together - a friend of mine started a mum group and even if we are visiting the same places, we love that we can just meet up.

Also, your dd is 6 - I found that was a nice age where they had interests and we could explore them together - things like painting, or replicating a stuff they do at school.

Did you have a passion where you were young, that could be rekindled? Maybe playing an instrument, or a team sport, or writing stories? Something that got lost along the way but would make you feel more like the old you?

I was feeling this way, then a health condition worsened and now I need an operation and long for my previous state - being bored and unfulfilled!

In an ideal world you'd be able to feel grateful for your health and stop focusing on feeling meh, but I know that human minds don't work that way.

👏🏼👏🏼 that's great

Crikey. Honestly that doesn't sound particularly healthy. I strive for work, I work constantly in the house and garden and at my job. But to make each interaction into a test must be mentally exhausting.

I think sometimes a boring life is a blessing, some people would love to have you’re (what you consider) boring life (of course you can still feel bored at times but it helps me to remember this and makes me realise how blessed I am) x

That is one of the most spectacularly joyless things I’ve read on here. Life as a series of tests, minor and major.

I always have to have something great planned or I get like this!

im anxious about when my daughter starts school next year as we still travel a lot with the kids off peak
We go away as often as we can - I’ve spent almost my entire maternity leave abroad in various places and just pull older kid out of nursery! I find cheap flights and ways to do everything! I can be super super frugal so we can somehow save up to afford the trips.
we even got rid of the car to save money.

whenever there’s a flash sale on Eurostar I just book it and off we go on whatever random date was available

if I spot cheap flights or any sort of sale I book it and we figure out the rest of the plans after
we always go to a music festival (one with kids and one without)

plan when daughters in school is to get a camper van so we can still get away somehow

how old is your child? What would make you happy? Could you work more to make more money to afford things you want to do ?