Is your life a bit boring, like mine?

[Imgoingbacktothestart77]

Mid 40’s, with a 6 year old Dc.
I live abroad, so life should be more interesting really…lots of beaches, sun, places to go, things to do. I work part time and have some nice friends and a Dh i’ve been with for years.
When I was younger, I was pretty wild from a young age and had lots of fun..90’s style…clubs, drinking, smoking, drugs and so on, they were incredible times.
I then got into my career and worked hard, travelled to a great many places then settled in one place abroad. We had Dd a little later and I stayed home with her and was v happy and fulfilled.
Now, I just feel this sense of ‘Meh’ and ‘What now?’ drifting in.
Everything feels very samey, I feel like we’ve visited everywhere near us and things and places I used to feel excited to go to, now I just feel like I can’t really be bothered.
The most exciting thing is cooking a roast or something nice at the weekend, I used to enjoy this and the small things..now it just all seems so dull.

How do you make your lives more interesting?

Does anyone feel like me?

i am going to sound like your mom in the long school holidays when you were 12 now but I’m going to say “only boring people are bored”. Fo something about it? Could be something small like a hobby, could be something big like moving. Take control.

Me! I’m older than you and mine are in their teens. DD has a weekend job so works all weekend, DS is doing his own thing with his mates, both of which is great and I’m happy for them. But I feeling lonely these days, I have friends and we whatssap a lot but I never see anyone these days.

There used to lots of parties and dinners and now I have nothing in. DH and I do things together but not all the time and I used to do so much with my friends.

Bit depressing really so I really sympathise OP

Give Hannah Frys The Happiness Curve a listen. It's only 15 mins but might help explain things and give you a bit of hope things will improve.

Perimenopause really can take the shine off, look into HRT. Also get lots of sun (safely, at the right times of day and for short bursts when it is strongest).

Yes i feel like you. I'm privileged in that my 20s was full of adventures. I lived in a different country, moved around, travelled to many places.
Now when I travel everything feels vanilla. You see a city you've always wanted to go and think this is just like the other city I've been. It is harder to get excited as I've done most things I've wanted to do. Buying that expensive it bag also has no excitement anymore once it's in my possession. It feels like the box is ticked.

I miss the feeling of wonder and excitement of experiencing the first time of everything.

Why not try and get back into a bit of clubbing, gigs or festivals, if music is your interest ? No need to give up on that part of your life. It's definitely not just for youth ... there's loads of people having great fun out there doing just that. Music festivals can be great for DCs too. Is there anything like that where you are?

Don't want to be the person who puts everything at the door of peri menopause...but, given your age have you considered that. I'm also mid 40s and was experiencing similar feelings of ennui, a real sense of lack of motivation in life. Since I have been on HRT it's made a real difference to that. I'm not saying its the only cause, or some kind of magic fix but it may be a contributing factor worth looking at.

Are you in Australia?
We have stunning beaches but once you've done one....they're all very similar. Pretty, nice little cafe with good coffee, good sand. And that's about it. I've been here about 13 years and have recently started to feel the same.
Maybe its time for a new adventure? Change things up? Move somewhere new?

I hear you, I feel like a shell of my former self. My partner is also turning into victor meldrew, which doesn't help!

Weekends are boring. I have a 4 year old and keeping her entertained every weekend is pretty dull most of the time. An endless succession of trips to see/do things for her. I don’t get to spend the time doing things I’d like to do but that’s life with kids.

I went through a period like this in my late 30s. Desperate for excitement but in all honestly, my youth. Went through a period where it felt like dh had given up, but I still wanted fun and life and to feel attractive and to feel those teenage highs again. It all almost ended very badly. Weirdly, covid saved us. And my marriage.

I'm in my 40s now and feel much more settled. I still have the odd mad night out, but I'm equally happy with more chilled things, like pottering on the garden or walking. I don't need constant excitement or, perhaps, i just find it in smaller things.

I'm blaming a massive hormone surge that effectively turned me back into a teenager for a couple of years, but when I had much, much more to lose.

No, not really but I didn't have DS until my 40s so I had 25 years of fun beforehand. Like you, I travelled and established a career which I maintained when DS arrived. Then I was a single mum for 15 years - never a dull moment.

Now he's reached that age of independence, I can retire, the house is paid for and I can travel more, go back to socialising more. Life absolutely isn't dull.

I'm going to downsize, move somewhere lovely, find a new community & new friends. Look for a new passion. 😊

Your child is 6, you have all the joy of teaching them to swim, cycle, ski, surf, watching their confidence grow. You get to do all those things too with someone who loves you unconditionally. You're in to the fun bit of parenting before teenage angst & hormones hit. Enjoy it

I love how there's quite a few of us who feel this way. I am lucky. We have 2 ds' one is 18 and at Uni and the other is 12. We own our own house and only have 3 years of mortgage left. We've booked our summer holiday, I've taken up sketching and painting again and studying part time with The OU. My job is okay. It's office based and find it difficult to sit down for long times. Think I need a hands on job again. Been looking g at some evening classes but nothing interests me. All the art classes seem to be during the day when I'm at work, which is typical.

Make some plans? There’s always ways to grow and have fun. One 6 year old is very easy to travel with, take to fun places. They’re presumably at school so either work more, or (my choice) use your days off to do literally whatever you want, and that by definition will not be boring.

‘Boring’ depends on your perspective I guess, and where you’re coming from. clubs, drinking, smoking, drugs and so on, they were incredible times sounds very very far from incredible to me, for example.

I feel like this sometimes, also I have a tendency to isolate myself.

But what do people mean by hobbies? Around working full time, I clean the house which is large, do garden work, always chores and tip runs and dog walks. I work out using YouTube videos at home with weights in a little gym I've made for myself. When I'm not doing this I'm cooking for the family. I relax when I get into bed.

What sort of hobbies fit around all these kinds of jobs? Also I'm struggling with physical stuff now so I've even had to give up running which I loved.

What is a hobby? Knitting? Crocheting? Drawing? I'm not creative. Sports? Can't really any more plus takes too much time.

I'd really love some ideas of how to get out of a late 40s rut.

OP i can't see if anyone has mentioned HRT, but I felt very bad before I started it. Much better now than I was. Depends on your healthcare abroad though.

I also found HRT made a huge difference. The other thing I did, was train for an endurance event. It gave me focus, lots of lovely endorphins and I enjoyed it so much, I did the event twice.

Non-creative hobby ideas:
Astronomy
team sport
walking (solo or club)
reading
puzzles
gardening/growing vegetables
fishing
Thing is, a lot of these take a long time!

For some people, cooking and working out like you already do would count as hobbies.

I think friends of different ages helps. I talk to my stepchildren in their 20s and their friends and it helps to remind me that while I had a ball in my 20s and early 30s it wasn’t all that ! There were times that was hard too. I’m much more comfortable in myself and who I am now.

heading towards retirement I look at my friends in their 60s and 70s who are travelling or taking up new hobbies. That is energising.

there’s a bit in the middle though, an age that feels flat. there’s a reason the middle aged crisis is a cliche….it’s true.

@pearbottomjeans thank you!

It never occurred to me that things I think of as tasks to tick of a list are hobbies!

So gardening - tick. Big garden, has to be done, tick of the list.

Cooking - people enjoy cooking?! (I realise of course that some people must) for me it is a massive task that has to be got through daily and weekly. I've told DH I've never cooking again once DC leave home 😂

I've always read loads, but since I got a smart phone I've found it much harder. Perhaps I'll put some welly into it.

Hopefully your list will help the OP too.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel. travelled the world in my 20’s.

Just turned 49, DCs are 12 & 13. Married. Work full time.
i feel like my life is just wake up, work, walk dog, school pickups, cook, cleanup, waste time on my phone, go to bed, don’t sleep well due to stressing about work, wake up and repeat. Weekends are just recovering from the week as I am so tired.

I don’t know what I need to blow up in my life to make it more exciting, but I feel like big changes might be necessary. Can’t quit work as I’m the only income earner. Have applied for another job at company I already work for. Could apply for a new job elsewhere but I have never enjoyed a job longer than 2 years and am now at the level where I think any job that would pay enough will be stressful. Could leave DH, have thought about it but not sure that will bring me lasting joy and will inevitably reset to boring status quo. Need to lose weight. I have a prescription for mounjaro but can’t afford to start it yet. I have joined a book club recently which is nice, getting to know each other and having some great conversations.

I have been wondering if HRT will help. I’m already on anti depressants.

I can relate to this. My twenties and first half of my thirties were all about my social life really. I loved dance music and used to go clubbing with friends all the time.

Since I married and had kids my life is 100% work and childcare. I don't really do anything else. I'm not sure I'll ever reconnect with that fully fun self who loved to party. It does make me feel sad although as my DC are still young I've got the feelgood factor of cuddles and "I love you mummy".

It sounds like maybe you need an absorbing or stimulating hobby OP? I think lots of ex-clubbers get into fitness as a way to boost the endorphins. Maybe a goal to work towards too. When I have time I'm going to sign up to a choir and a book group. Singing and reading were hobbies I loved in my teens.

I moved back to the UK a couple of years ago after 17 years of living abroad in exciting / stimulating Asian cities and 2 (covid) years in tropical paradise.

Now am back in grey “boring” London I realise that I always had this inner “ennui”, even though my surroundings were amazing. I still have it a bit here so I figure it’s an inner rather than external thing. And yes I also 90s partied very hard and loved loved loved those days but I couldn’t imagine doing any of it now. I decided to work on my “inner self” as someone on this thread put it, and that took a long time to get to as I was very cynical about it all before.

Now (and it is very much a work in progress) I am doing therapy, lots of yoga, started meditation and breath work and also started focusing on friendships that matter rather than all the fair weather party friends who I seemed to have accumulated - who were all adding to the feeling of everything seems a bit pointless. Oh and I’m trying actively not to drink alcohol (with varying success as it’s really tough).

The point of all of this is to say that I think at some point in life there has to be a shift from a reliance on external stimulation to something more internal … though it happens gradually. I’m 54 so maybe also at “that age” … just started HRT to see if that helps with the meh feeling / achy joints etc.

Move country. I used to do this every time I got bored somewhere. Nothing like a new language, culture, climate, landscape etc to wake you up. We’re staying where we are for now till DS finishes school, but it’s a good small city, on the coast, with a vibrant arts scene, lots of festivals, close to beautiful countryside. Lots of interesting things to get involved with.