Is your life a bit boring, like mine?

[Imgoingbacktothestart77]

Mid 40’s, with a 6 year old Dc.
I live abroad, so life should be more interesting really…lots of beaches, sun, places to go, things to do. I work part time and have some nice friends and a Dh i’ve been with for years.
When I was younger, I was pretty wild from a young age and had lots of fun..90’s style…clubs, drinking, smoking, drugs and so on, they were incredible times.
I then got into my career and worked hard, travelled to a great many places then settled in one place abroad. We had Dd a little later and I stayed home with her and was v happy and fulfilled.
Now, I just feel this sense of ‘Meh’ and ‘What now?’ drifting in.
Everything feels very samey, I feel like we’ve visited everywhere near us and things and places I used to feel excited to go to, now I just feel like I can’t really be bothered.
The most exciting thing is cooking a roast or something nice at the weekend, I used to enjoy this and the small things..now it just all seems so dull.

How do you make your lives more interesting?

Does anyone feel like me?

It definitely wasn’t people drunk and obsessing about themselves for me…great house music, dancing, great open people. It lasted years, but still wasn’t long enough..

I am in my mid-40s and had been feeling a little like you, so I decided to fight it on two fronts:

A) make more effort to appreciate the existing positives in my life. To this end I keep a gratitude journal I write in every night. It really helps to go to bed focused on all the good things in my life, large and small (anything from how much I love my daughter/partner/friends/job, to the fact I am reading a good book or went on a nice shopping trip that day.

I am also trying to be more present and observant in the experiences I have. Out my phone down and actually pay attention to the Netflix series I am watching with my daughter....... Or when my partner and I are cuddling in bed, stop worrying about what time I have got to get up the next day and really savour the sensations .....

B) I am trying to expand the list of things I have to be grateful for by saying "yes" to every experience, however small, that becomes available - be that theatre tickets, or a craft class with my daughter, or picking up a new book that looks interesting that's half price in Asda, or going out to meet friends for lunch when I have a free weekend, rather than staying in......

So any of these things qualify as "exciting"? I don't know. But I do think life is made up of the little things, and we need to stuff it as full as we can of little things that are pleasurable.....

Rather than focusing on the big picture, which might not feel that thrilling as the years roll on, I find I am happier zooming in on the detail. And it's the detail that makes the whole.

Good luck!

Yes, I need to do this

I was always a person who was easily satisfied and very appreciative of everything. I made fun out of most things, events out of holidays, seasons etc…now I just feel like my oomph for it all has gone. I live in a stunning place and would be happy just taking the dog for a walk along a different beach, now I feel zero enthusiasm, it’s really odd

Yes I get this. But also think I'm perimenopausal, I handle hormonal changes poorly 😬 I work full time in a desk job and teach yoga once a week for fun. But im bored in my job, I look forward to the weekends and spend most of it ferrying the kids about and refereeing their bickering. By the time Monday swings around I'm looking forward to the break from them and then I remember that my job is dull.

Before we had kids I was in a band, played guitar, wrote songs.... my husband now works as a full time musician and I'm stuck home pretty much all evenings and weekends.

I 100% chose this life, we have a lovely home, good work/life balance and my husband does all the school runs, holiday childcare and is an awesome Dad and lovely lovely man.

But its not exciting and I'm struggling. I hear you loud and clear.

I think I need to keep a gratitude journal too. Great idea.

There's a certain amount of enthusiasm/exuberance that goes along with being young. No real responsibilities, a whole life full of possibilities in front of you, focusing on yourself and what makes you happy.

You can't go back to that once you get older, especially if you have children. So expecting to feel that way again is pointless.

I have a really nice life and, while I am grateful, there are times when I do feel...flat? Uninspired? Like I'm just going through the motions?

I find that shaking up my routine really helps me to snap out of it. Arrange a day to myself to spend however I want, meet up with a friend who always makes me laugh, evening out with my husband where we go someplace totally different for us...etc.

If nothing seems interesting or even worth the effort you may be dealing with a bit of depression that you'll need to address. But sometimes you have to "fake it 'til you make it"; push yourself to do something then find you are actually enjoying yourself. Good luck!

Book a holiday, even a cheap one. Start a fitness challenge, do some volunteering to get yourself out and about. Go to some gigs, go out clubbing if you want to or a music festival. You aren’t aren’t banned from these things when you hit 40….it’s important to carve out some time in the week for something that’s just for you to enjoy and not related to your role as a partner, mother or colleague.

Yes. Just the way I like it after too much trauma in my early years. Give me BORING.

💯 agree.

What do you want to do OP? I'm in my forties too, we still have a lot of life to live. What do you need to change to have a happier, more fulfilling life?
If you can't find any enthusiasm for anything then I also wonder if depression is an issue.

What jumped out at me was that you said you lived abroad in a stunning place.

I could have written something very similar. I found that things became very one dimensional in this sunny stunning place. People come here on holiday and call it paradise but the reality is far from paradise.

Yes I feel completely the same. No interest in anything at all anymore only my kids. Am going through some quite bad grief though at the moment. But felt like this for years to be honest, just marginally happy. At least your somewhere sunny and warm presumably? Where I am it's shit, cold cloudy and rainy. God I sound so depressing.

I have wondered this too…where are you?

But then I think, would going back to a grey, less stunning place make things any better

I recently went back to art and print classes because I moved to a new area and wanted to meet people. I could not believe the difference it has made to my psyche! I feel like I've come alive again. Whether it's sports, arts, dance, spirituality etc etc whatever you have loved in the past, just sign up to a group - you'll be amazed how much it changes your mindset ❤️

I’m on a small Spanish island in the north of island. Ive decided I couldn’t take anymore after 12 years and moved back to UK where I feel I can actually have a life. I have to go back there sometimes to see my partner.

Am going through some quite bad grief though at the moment

@CorEckIsLike I can totally relate. My oldest and dearest friend died almost a year ago. Once the worst of the grief had passed I felt like I was stuck in some kind of grey, joyless limbo. It's been really difficult to find any enthusiasm for anything; I constantly have to push myself these days.

It's slowly getting better but I miss her so, so much and think about her every single day😥

Im 38 and loving life living to the full no plans to stop yet.
Wake up every day smiling.
My son has moved out and moved on with his own life so i have only me to think about now.
Tell my self every day how lucky i am.
Young free single fabulous carefree debt free positive every day.
We all have to look at the things in life that makes us happy.

I know what you mean. The clubbing nights that rolled into the next day where you met new people and went on adventures. I loved my many years of clubbing and even had a brief foray back into it again last year. My body wasn't really cut out for it anymore, so I have had to pull back to a healthy lifestyle again but it was fun to feel part of it again and felt very comfortable. Many of my friends are still clubbing in their 50's and it seems completely socially acceptable these days (and rightfully so) .My life is quite interesting and exciting anyway as I'm not married and just in a relationship that involves doing fun activities in London. It sounds like you're a bit limited where you live. Is it a bit dead culture wise?

Late 40s here and love my slightly dull. Perhaps because I'm of an age it seems where lots of my friends have very ill parents or parents who have recently died, DC with mental health problems, marriages which are falling apart or have started having serious health problems themselves.

Missed "life" from the first sentence in my previous post. It was supposed to say that I love my slightly dull life.

I agree op. I had the most amazing 20’s & 30’s, it was so exciting & fun & I never wanted children. I had my Dad when I was 42. I love her like nothing before but honestly, life is a lot more boring now. It’s nothing to do with DD. I just realise I’ve possibly got more years behind me than in front of me.

I’m not interested in clubs/hobbies etc. I wfh now & I think I miss office banter, I just really need fun in my life! My DD is my most fave person to spend time with but it’s not the same as fun adults. Yes, I could join running club but what would be the point? I don’t like running!

I do think mid 40’s marks the time of these sorts of feelings. Are there any friends from the past that you could reconnect with? Even just lunches out/weekends away help I think. But I get you, I feel the same!

Single mum with dc2 , get a bit bored now and then but not sure if it is because of the weather

There's only so much to do.
Enjoy walks. Been contemplating all day what to do tomorrow with dc.

Perhaps the M&S cafe then the park?

Your all still young to do things and still young to go out even a night out.

It's not my age that is restricting me its my responsibilities and lack of childcare. I wish it was as easy as you describe, my life is completely structured around everyone else.

Could you start a new hobby/learn a new skill? I was recently feeling a bit like you, and took up roller skating. Then joined the local roller derby team. Life is so exciting now! It's never too late to start something new.

Ah, you need to have done it like me OP... A consistently boring life so you don't really realise how boring your life is until you think about it.