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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DP doesn't want to come on family trip

56 replies

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:38

My family are all getting together next month, we have a big family from england, Ireland and wales. We have rented some caravans at haven. My DD is 10 months and will be her first time away, I asked my partner to come but he is unable to take annual leave during this time, there's only two shifts he would miss out on it would be possible to find cover if he asked but he is saying he doesn't want to. It's one of them, if he wanted to, he would. I feel rather sad as it's our DD first time away and I feel like family time is important, aibu to be upset by this?

OP posts:
PlumFairies · 08/02/2025 20:40

It’s unreasonable of him not to come but it’s also unreasonable of you to book a holiday without asking him to get his annual leave approved first.

RandomButtons · 08/02/2025 20:41

Being in a haven with my other half’s entire extended family sounds deeply uncomfortable and awkward to me.

How long have you been together? Does he know all these people?

Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 20:41

How well does he get on with your family?
Does he like doing big family get togethers?

This sounds like my idea of hell. Perhaps rather than saying this to you he is using work as a (good) excuse to avoid a difficult conversation about how he really doesn't want a holiday with your entire family.

Original poster
Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:41

PlumFairies · 08/02/2025 20:40

It’s unreasonable of him not to come but it’s also unreasonable of you to book a holiday without asking him to get his annual leave approved first.

My family booked a last minute deal and let me know I didn't book it

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:42

RandomButtons · 08/02/2025 20:41

Being in a haven with my other half’s entire extended family sounds deeply uncomfortable and awkward to me.

How long have you been together? Does he know all these people?

Yes he knows them and gets on well with them all

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:43

Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 20:41

How well does he get on with your family?
Does he like doing big family get togethers?

This sounds like my idea of hell. Perhaps rather than saying this to you he is using work as a (good) excuse to avoid a difficult conversation about how he really doesn't want a holiday with your entire family.

I get that, I personally feel funny if I'm around too many people especially for too long but it's not like we'd all have to be together every minute of every day

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 08/02/2025 20:43

He gets to say no for himself, he doesn't get to stop you going or make it awkward for you to go. So seems fair even if not what you ideally wanted. Do you go to lots of his family events?

RandomButtons · 08/02/2025 20:47

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:42

Yes he knows them and gets on well with them all

Show quote history

Oh, then yes I’d be miffed. Did you ask him about it before you booked it?

RandomButtons · 08/02/2025 20:48

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:43

I get that, I personally feel funny if I'm around too many people especially for too long but it's not like we'd all have to be together every minute of every day

Show quote history

Does he like going to haven sites? Many people loathe that type of place, or look down on them.

Original poster
Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:48

@RandomButtons I didn't actually book it, my family did and then asked everyone after as they found a good deal

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:49

@RandomButtons he's never been but we've talked about going before and he's said he would

OP posts:
SometimesCalmPerson · 08/02/2025 20:49

If it’s a last minute thing YABU. It can be really awkward to have to arrange things like that at work because it is an imposition on other people. The in laws booking a last minute caravan at haven in winter doesn’t seem like a good reason for him to do that.

MissUltraViolet · 08/02/2025 20:50

It sounds a bit unreasonable but then...they booked it all without speaking to you all first so, they are more unreasonable.

Emptyflames · 08/02/2025 20:50

I wouldn't want to go on a caravan holiday in the UK in March with a baby and the in laws....

RandomButtons · 08/02/2025 20:51

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:48

@RandomButtons I didn't actually book it, my family did and then asked everyone after as they found a good deal

Then maybe he doesn’t want to use up “favours” last minute at work. There’s only so many times you can ask for last min shift changes before people get narked with you.

biscuitsandbooks · 08/02/2025 20:51

There's no way on this planet I would go on holiday with DH's family.

YABU. Especially as it was all booked without him being asked.

Itisjustmyopinion · 08/02/2025 20:51

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:48

@RandomButtons I didn't actually book it, my family did and then asked everyone after as they found a good deal

Well come on then you can’t think he is being unreasonable. I love my in-laws but if they booked a holiday, didn’t tell me they were doing it and expected me to take annual leave then I would be avoiding it too. Very presumptuous of them

luckylavender · 08/02/2025 20:51

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:38

My family are all getting together next month, we have a big family from england, Ireland and wales. We have rented some caravans at haven. My DD is 10 months and will be her first time away, I asked my partner to come but he is unable to take annual leave during this time, there's only two shifts he would miss out on it would be possible to find cover if he asked but he is saying he doesn't want to. It's one of them, if he wanted to, he would. I feel rather sad as it's our DD first time away and I feel like family time is important, aibu to be upset by this?

You say he's unable to get annual leave. If that's the case then so be it.

Moonnstars · 08/02/2025 20:54

Pinkdreams · 08/02/2025 20:43

I get that, I personally feel funny if I'm around too many people especially for too long but it's not like we'd all have to be together every minute of every day

Show quote history

But does he know that? Who's sharing with who in the caravans? Also as family have booked it they have control over booking any activities you want to do e.g. swimming etc as you need the booking reference to book it (note that for haven you book swimming 4 weeks in advance, any other activities 12 weeks in advance). This means that you can't necessarily make an excuse of saying we have got this booked ,we will see you later. Maybe he feels worried you will all be expected to meet up each day and spend the whole day together.
Maybe he also would have liked what I assume to be your first family holiday one with just you and the baby.

ItGhoul · 08/02/2025 20:56

Whenever anyone posts about being asked to go on a holiday with loads of their DH’s family and doesn’t want to go, people always tell her to let him go on his own. Same applies here. Don’t make him have a holiday with load of your family. Just because he likes and gets on all right with them, that doesn’t mean he’s obliged to be keen on going away with them all en masse.

Silvertulips · 08/02/2025 20:56

Sometimes you have to suck it up, accept he doesn’t want to go, and go and have a great time with your family.

Her ‘first’ time away is a red herring - it doesn’t matter - she won’t remember:

Id love to see my family all together for a weekend away. Go and enjoy the time.

Lazery · 08/02/2025 20:59

YABU you wouldn't catch me at Havens ever. I don't blame your dp for not going. No-one books anything for me and expects me to turn up, unless it's somewhere lovely and 5 star.

Thirteenblackcat · 08/02/2025 21:03

I would hate that with my in laws and would try to get out of it, but mainly because they are very controlling and would want to create an itinerary for me and my family

therattlebag23 · 08/02/2025 21:07

Just go with your DD and have a lovely time with your family. Let your DH save his annual leave to do something just the three of you. Win win.

Hoppinggreen · 08/02/2025 21:08

Haven?
Huge extended family?
Caravan?
March?

That would be a hard no from me