How can you be addressed as he/him she/her or they/them

[Yalta]

AIBU that you cannot be addressed as he/him she/her or they/them

These are references. Surely you would use someone’s actual name to address them or just a greeting.

Or maybe I am missing something. Can someone tell me how someone uses these to address someone

“Hello He”

“Good morning She”

“Good afternoon They

How are you today”

Or writings to you

Dear He/Him They/Them She/Her

Why did no one check this and change the word address to refer. It just makes no sense otherwise

This is from a .gov website

Without telling us what you're applying for, presumably there will be documentation or letters referring to you and they're asking your preference. Are you genuinely confused by this?

You seem to be terribly confused by what a pronoun is and the circumstances in which it's used. Have you tried consulting a dictionary?

Pronouns are never used in direct conversation with spmeone face to face.

Hi Alex, how are YOU, have YOU had time to read that book, are YOU free for that meeting etc etc.

It's only ever in conversation with a third party that you would say "Alex says she/he hasn't read the book, we have to rearrange the meeting as he/she isn't free " etc.

Agree they/them is when you are talking about someone you don't know - "I went to see the doctor" - "what did they say".

I grew up in a multi language family and when it came to English ( I failed functional English miserably)
I was always taught about meanings of words and to use the correct words otherwise people wouldn’t know what I was talking about.

When I see this type of thing it makes my brain itch

Its like Trump telling all the immigrants to go home
I am there thinking that would mean there would be hardly anyone left in the US as it’s a country of immigrants (including Trump himself)

My brain is very literal.

You wouldn't use pronouns as a direct address, which is why the OP is pointing out that the question being asked on the website is wrong. It asks "how should we address you" to which the answer would be things like “Ms Jones", "Mrs Smith“, "Mary", “by my first name“, by my middle, name“ etc. What the website actually wants to know is “how should we refer to you“.

But that is what it says

It's badly worded that's all. If you need it spelling out, it wants to know how you would like to be referred to by people if they are talking about you, not if they are talking to you.

But you know that.

'Addressing' doesn't mean talking about someone though. It means talking to them.

The grammar / meaning only works in certain situations. “Someone called but they didn’t leave a message” works. It suggests an unknown identity.

If someone says, “Is Chloe coming to this meeting?” why would I reply: “Yes, they are on their way.” It suggests there are two people. Or, quite stupidly, suggests Chloe believes she is a human being with no sex. No Nobel prize has been awarded for finding a third sex as of yet. Not even among people with DSDs.

In short, I’m not calling anyone ‘they’.

I think the issue is that they are asking the wrong question, they don't actually want to know how the OP prefers to be addressed. They're using the wrong term, adressed as instead of referred to.

And how many times does that actually happen? Not often really. If they're in earshot then I’m not that likely to be talking about them to someone else.

I am just trying to point out that a government website is the one confused and was asking
researchers3 How would someone address someone using They

Brokenrecordroundround
It’s a form I started to fill in. See the screen shot in my 2nd post

It actually asks “How should we address you” and gives Her/She They/Them He/Him as the options

I think who ever put this form together should have to retake their English language GCSE.

Or be tested to see if they know the meaning of various words.

'Referred to' not 'addressed' was the OPs point. You're not talking to them.

I did wonder how it would go down if I said:

"good morning They/Them/Zir/Zif" I see She/Her/They is in early."

And it's not just in earshot. You can be questioned by the police if you refer to them as "he" in a twitter post to someone else entirely.

Quite a lot actually. I work in support at a college and often have to ask a teacher on a student's behalf to clarify a point eg. "X has finished the work from the whiteboard, what should she/he etc move on to now?" Another time a teacher was showing me & a student how to play a board game and he got himself in a bit of a pickle as he didn't know the gender of the student so he just referred to them as "the student" ie. "so the student might move here, then you could move there...."

This. OP is correct, it makes no sense.

Of course it makes sense in English. We have used it for years. You're at a do and there are coats left and so you say 'has someone forgotten their coat?'

Yes,it’s how you want to be referred to, not addressed.

Is DH a bit of a knob all the time or just sometimes?

The only time I've been called they is because someone on SM (I don't use a name indicating my gender) wasn't sure whether I was he / she and didn't want to misgender me

Other than that, I always assumed they was a group of people

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Clearly, it’s just a very poorly worded form.

You are being difficult for the sake of it.
In that case you would change the tense
Just as you wouldn't say i.borrowed she's pencil you would say I borrowed her pencil, you would say I borrowed their pencil, that's their dog etc

Nothing obtuse about the OP. Her point was exactly what you are saying - this is a poorly worded form. Government and other official communications should be extremely carefully worded so that everybody can make sense of them, including people with poor literacy and non-native speakers of English. This part of this form fails.

DH and I have had this conversation a few times. Basically, the person seems to think it’s ok to try and dictate how you refer to them when they’re not even in the room which is laughable. I’ll refer to a person however I damn well please and I won’t be dictated to.

Ridiculous example. In this example ‘they’ is fine. The OP is talking about multiple, unknown, people. The word ‘they’ isn’t a problem, her post is about the context it’s being used in.

I've seen some preferred pronouns written as "she/them" and "he/them". Can't get my head round that at all.