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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Police interview tomorrow for harassment

94 replies

Chanjh25 · 06/02/2025 21:37

So I'll try make this as short as problem

My sister has a drug addiction and has for the last five years, it's got so bad that me and my brother had to give her cpr
She has five kids at home
When she's on drugs all of my family leave her too it (as we have tried many times and she just turns evil) only me has helped her I've tried helping her I've enabled her looking after her kids whilst she's high out her face so they are safe atleast
Now I'm her number one target when I confront her again she does anything to ruin my life she's gone into the school and told them all these horrible lies about me about my kids that social services themselves contacted me
When we are good and she's not on drugs we get on like a house on fire but when she's on drugs in her target the things she has said and done to me are traumatic that I'm genuinely suffering with PTSD
I block her she messages my other account I block that she messages me some way saying she's going to make sure my kids get taken from me she's made numerous threats how she's going to batter the life out of me when she sees me last year it got so bad that I had to ring the police and report her for stalking a harassment
To today I get a phone call from my local police station they want me to go in voluntary or I will be arrested for harassment
Don't get me wrong I'm not innocent in all this when she argues with me I have argued back with her and said some stuff but done nothing other then to her,
So I'm actually in shock right now because the last five years she has harassed me and ruined my life
So how can she have the balls to ring the police on me for harassment when she's done all this to me for five years.. why are drug addicts like this? Why after all I was trying to do is help her but tbh I think I've just enabled her is now she's tryna olay the victim? To add I have kept all the messages all the threats and all the evidence of her being on drugs I've found them in her house numerous times now this isn't soenthibg I want to do but when I go in thag interview tomorrow I'm going to have to tell the police literally everything but I still feel guilty please don't suggest about social because she's taking drugs around her kids because I've tried that she's bulletproof they did NFA because as we know addicts are good at lying and covering their backs however I have proof of it all

OP posts:
Eleven681 · 07/02/2025 13:07

Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 09:38

I all ready have well I went into the school (our kids go to the same school) and told them everything shown them all the evidence the well being coordinator rang the social services department I don't think they even come out just spoke to her on the phone

Show quote history

When you say the wellbeing coordinator, do you mean the Designated Safeguarding Lead?

Reugny · 07/02/2025 13:16

@Nina1013 Actually the police do.

If the alleged victim spins a good story especially if they turn up with their own lawyer they can do this.

However if the person being interviewed can show that it isn't in public interest to prosecute them as no jury would reasonably convict them then they may just end up with a warning not to have any face-to-face contact or any contact at all with the alleged victim.

(Among the people who have told me this includes a magistrate who was a victim of malicious allegations of harassment herself, who has ruled on cases where restraining orders were placed on both parties.)

The OP needs to take this as a warning to have absolutely no contact with her sister at all regardless of what happens. This includes talking to the school to ensure she doesn't pick her own children up at the same time/place as her sister.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 07/02/2025 13:56

Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 00:26

I have kept far from her as I possibly can, my brothers telling me no comment so it will be taken to court and I can present my evidence then? I logged all of this last year with them so I don't get how they didn't see any of that I actually lost my shit in the phone when they rang me asking me to go in like is she actually being serious

Show quote history

You need to make sure that you don’t lose your shit. Stay calm and rationale and explain the situation properly.

I get you are frustrated but staying calm is essential here.

Fireangel82 · 07/02/2025 14:02

So no one listen ref to you when you reported your concerns about your sister’s parenting

but when your sister reported her concerns about your parenting - she was taken very seriously and consequently you are on a child protection plan

interesting

Fireangel82 · 07/02/2025 14:04

Oh bloody hell

I’ve just read the OP’s other threads

what. A. Shit. Show

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/02/2025 14:54

Eleven681 · 07/02/2025 13:07

When you say the wellbeing coordinator, do you mean the Designated Safeguarding Lead?

Show quote history

Wellbeing coordinator could be a specific job title. I’ve known bigger schools have someone in a dedicated role like this whose entire job is about student welfare. Yes they’d also be a DSL. In smaller schools you’d have a few members of the senior leadership team as DSLs but no one who has welfare specifically be their entire job.

Edited to add, if the school is part of a trust you might have a dedicated welfare officer who is a DSL for all schools within the trust, and then the individual schools would still have other staff members listed as DSLs too.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 15:59

Soberfutures · 07/02/2025 09:53

Ru ok? I recognise your name and u seem to have a lot going on???? Kids dad not bringing them home? Asking for dna tests? Boyfriends ex pregnant and asking u to keep it a secret??? Not trying to t hunt but your name seemed very familiar. Do u need real life support maybe?

Yeah I've got a lot going on on my plate right now 😭 unfortunately I don't have any support

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:01

@curious79 1 I do have a solicitor who's meeting me there (it's been rearranged for tomorrow instead
2 I do have all the evidence screenshots voice notes etc
3 I intent on keeping myself calm

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:03

Oioisavaloy27 · 07/02/2025 11:20

This does not add up at all.

Ofc it doesn't it's not like I'm gunna write out my whole life story is it? I've shared the key points and the things I am comfortable enough too share

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 07/02/2025 16:05

Answer their questions. You’ll have your legal counsel with you.
Whilst you’re there report your sister to the police for drugs. Does she deal? Then report her to the social services for being on drugs with kids in the house. Get those kids away from get. She’s a junkie loser.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:06

Theunamedcat · 07/02/2025 11:08

YOUR children are on child protection while hers arnt?

I would move areas away from this toxic behaviour and focus on yourself

Yep it's mental
My mental health isn't the best so I know I do need help and I've got so much going on the are rightly involved for support but then all the things she has said about me they are taking it all on I shown my social worker everything and asked her to report it she said she can't because it's second hand info but that it does need reporting so I went into the school and told them and shown them nothing has been done about it I've got screenshots of her admitting she's on drugs her denying she's on drugs deleting her voice notes that I all ready screenshotted where she sounds off her face, I've got a video of her being on them, I also have a video of me finding them underneath her bed base no one has done anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:09

Thisistyresome · 07/02/2025 11:31

I think going there straight away is a bad idea. You need to have an appointment that is convenient for you. You need to print out all communications (she may have provided altered or selective evidence). Speak to a solicitor in advance and write a statement including referring to all your evidence. Then when you go to the station, with your solicitor, you read out your statement covering all interactions.
You sound like you react overly emotional about the situation and probably do yourself no favours by this.

This is what I'm thinking right now
I'm not mentally prepared for this so soon
I had a pretty rough childhood i didn't go to school, I struggle to get my words out right and think of the right things to say especially when it's such a serious matter that I know if I go into tomorrow my heads just gunna go blank bcuz I'm indecisive about going no comment and then indecisive about telling the whole entire truth I've not made my mind up yet

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:10

Thisistyresome · 07/02/2025 11:31

I think going there straight away is a bad idea. You need to have an appointment that is convenient for you. You need to print out all communications (she may have provided altered or selective evidence). Speak to a solicitor in advance and write a statement including referring to all your evidence. Then when you go to the station, with your solicitor, you read out your statement covering all interactions.
You sound like you react overly emotional about the situation and probably do yourself no favours by this.

Also yeah because of my upbringing and the things I've had going on in my life I am a emotional person who struggled to handle her emotions I've been told this loads of times I'm currently just about to start counselling

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 07/02/2025 16:36

Oh yeah it's so wrong they've put me on child protection because of the things she's said with no proof but I've shown them proof and they aren't doing anything about it

I'm going to say again that social services do not just sweep in and put kids on CP plans on the basis of malicious reports with no evidence. They will have investigated, there will have been meetings and there will be a risk assessment.

You've clearly got a great deal going on OP and you don't owe us details/explanation, but it's wrong to give the idea that this can happen.

x2boys · 07/02/2025 16:42

Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:03

Ofc it doesn't it's not like I'm gunna write out my whole life story is it? I've shared the key points and the things I am comfortable enough too share

Show quote history

And that's fine but a few things you have written are inconsistent which is why people are. questioning it

Theunamedcat · 07/02/2025 16:47

I still think for the sake of your peace you need to move away from your sister change your child's school because a harassment case will absolutely affect you collecting your children new area new chance to get peace don't tell anyone connected to her where you are not even family and get yourself a fresh start

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:48

Uricon2 · 07/02/2025 12:00

So your DC are on a child protection plan because of what she's said, which she has absolutely no proof of? Sorry, but social services don't go down this path without their own investigation.

Who have you shown your proof of her neglect of her DC to? Just the school or social services themselves?

I have told the school and my social worker
And like I said in a previous comment I am struggling with my mental health and the kids attendance at school isn't the best right now so now they are on my back they know about my struggles however I am on child protection because they have believed everything she has said with no evidence, I've told them myself and shown them all evidence and they don't believe me imagine that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:50

Nursingadvice · 07/02/2025 12:25

This doesn’t add up at all. If your children are on CP there is a reason. If hers are not, is because they haven’t been given the facts.
Whole family sounds quite toxic.

I promise you now i have shown them actual proof
And yes social services do go on rumours and accusations the family isn't toxic at all it's her with her drug addiction

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 16:53

MissUltraViolet · 07/02/2025 12:37

A lot of this doesn’t add up or sound right at all.

I suspect you’re leaving a lot of information out about your behaviour and your children’s lives.

Either way this sounds like an absolute shit show and the mothers in your family need to sort themselves out for all the children’s sake.

Ofc I'm leaving a lot of info out because I'd be here all day explaining it all, every thing was fine before she started all of this with me five years ago and here we are today still living in this shit show
And why are you bringing the mothers in my family into this? She's the one with the drug addiction, I suffer with mental health PTSD serious depression and anxiety I do struggle but all I need is support and I don't have that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 17:00

Fireangel82 · 07/02/2025 14:02

So no one listen ref to you when you reported your concerns about your sister’s parenting

but when your sister reported her concerns about your parenting - she was taken very seriously and consequently you are on a child protection plan

interesting

Yep exactly this I will be making complaints about all of this to the police and social services I'm not willing to drop this now, everyone on this thread they can think I'm lying all they want but I know the truth I don't have to sit here and explain my whole entire service to make it all make sense I've said enough I think

OP posts:
Totallymessed · 07/02/2025 17:01

@Chanjh25 speak to a lawyer and stick to "no comment" in the interview. The police are not your friend and cannot be trusted in a situation like this not to treat your sister like the victim and you the offender, if it makes their life easier and they can see something to charge you with.

Uricon2 · 07/02/2025 17:01

Whatever the background to the current situation, you need to be honest with your solicitor and take their advice. I think you would also be wise to cut your sister out of your life completely and long term. You need concentrate on solving your own problems.

Boomer55 · 07/02/2025 17:03

Nursingadvice · 07/02/2025 12:25

This doesn’t add up at all. If your children are on CP there is a reason. If hers are not, is because they haven’t been given the facts.
Whole family sounds quite toxic.

This. All this doesn’t add up. 🙄

YourAzureEagle · 07/02/2025 17:05

I would not go to the voluntary interview, let them arrest you, make sure you get a solicitor for that if they do (they may well not, there is a higher bar to be met for an arrest) - no comment at interview / prepared statement if deemed a good idea by solicitor.

Do not accept any summary justice solution / caution if offered.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 07/02/2025 17:06

HorseAreBetterThanHumans · 07/02/2025 13:06

Child protection plans don't appear out of thin air. You are not asked to attend a police station regarding harassment and find a whole multi-agency meeting there ready to discuss a CP plan. They're not normally held at police stations and the notice for a child protection conference comes from the LA, not the police.

So this cannot have happened in the way you describe. You may get more support and useful advice if you explain the background more clearly.

What are you going on about when have I said the social are going to be there
I was involved with social services voluntary on a CIN basis, she has rang the school before about me i got a phone call from the SS nothing more then when they did get involved because of kids attendances at school and knowing about my mental health and how I was coping with things at the time I have a close relationship with the well being coordinator and have spoken to her quite a few times when they school have offered me support I've always been open and honest about my personal struggles they knew I needed help so they helped me then I was working with my fsw (because it had stepped down and I didn't have a social worker anymore) as I was coping with things a lot better that's when she's done all of this and they have believed everything they've said so then I've tried to defend myself and show them that it's all her my fsw said she can't do anything because it's second hand information so for me to ring them so I did she got a phone call that's it no one has ever taken me seriously

OP posts:
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