Husband boundaries

[MistyH1992]

My husband believes that unless I lay the boundary that I don't want him to come into the bathroom whilst I'm on the toilet, then how does he know I want privacy?
I've told him that I shouldn't have to lay that boundary and that surely it's common sense not to talk at me almost every time I'm on the loo but apparently not.. his words "unless you tell me then how do I know that?" .. AIBU that he should just have enough respect to allow me 2 minutes peace and have a number two in peace? 😅

Why do so many Mumsnetters not have locks? 🤷‍♀️

Lock the door and ignore him?

Seems an insane thing to have to ask here. Can't you just close and/or lock the door, that is a pretty clear indication you want privacy.

Just to clarify, I do lock the door sometimes, but every time I don't, he comes in. Also often follows me talking at me down the hallway and into the bathroom. Yes, perhaps I should tell him not to, but surely he should at least have some inclination that it's not respectful.. right?

Well just get into the habit of locking it every time 😳

So set a boundary - tell him you never want him in the bathroom when you’re in there and lock the bloody door.

But surely you HAVE told him that you like to use the loo in peace? Or does he seriously mean you have to clarify that on each occasion? Have you actually said "I don't like it when you come in the bathroom and I am on the loo"?

You seem to be saying that you don't want him to talk to you while you're in the lavatory, but you've yet to actually say "Please leave me in peace" and are expecting him to just know. Is that right?

Of course he should know that you don't stand and chat to someone on the loo. What the hell's wrong with him. Was he brought up watching his mum and dad take a dump, I mean beyond being a young child?

But he won't know unless he has been told clearly that this is the case. If he's been doing it for years and OP has just put up with it how would he know?

No: that is his assertion. And apparently be thinkd this is a conversation they need to have each time she poos. Otherwise he would hsve stopped already sfter the first conversation about boundaries.

Give him a book for toddlers like “everybody poops” and let him know the rules around privacy. Also, get an airhorn snd follow him to the loo snd fire it off just as he settles in for a shit.

Well, maybe I'm the odd one but I wouldn't say it was exactly standard practice to stand over someone (even your nearest and dearest) whilst they're having a poo. Surely having a dump or changing your sanitary pad should fall into the realms of privacy without having to spell it out to a normally functioning adult.

I do agree really but could it have been fixed by telling him clearly not to do it?

This is not ok behaviour op, it's not funny it's actually disturbing.
You shouldn't have to teach or tell a grown man that you require privacy in the bathroom whilst you use the toilet.
You shouldn't need to repeat this either.
He has no respect for you, zilch.

Well this probably comes down to comfort levels and what people feel is ok. If he has no problem with it then he may feel you have no problem with it.
But surely you have said this to him before if he constantly does it and you don't like it, and surely if you've said it to him before then that is laying a boundary?

Just say it to him and lock the door!!!

Well it rather depends on your relationship. Some couples don't mind no boundaries and are comfortable with bodily functions, some are not. We often have our best chats when one is on the loo and one in the bath 😂

But seriously if you prefer privacy then make that very clear to him and lock the bloody door.

Well yes, obviously he needs to be told. But why is he so oblivious to something that most people wouldn't do, or even want to do!

That depends. Are you married to a toddler? If no, why are you married to a man who behaves like a toddler?

I have never understood why someone would want to go in when someone else is having a crap…

Have you not told him explicitly leave me the hell alone when I'm in the bathroom?

If you have, he's deliberately bugging you and being an asshole.

If not, please communicate your wishes clearly.

Get a lock.

So every time you do lock the door he's out there trying the handle?

I think that he's got some kind of fascination possibly. That's quite unusual.

I am fairly relaxed about this kind of thing and it wouldn't particularly bother me chatting to partner when on the loo but I would obviously respect if my partner said never come in while I am on the loo. I think a lock is the best solution as then it is obvious when the bathroom is free and when you want privacy

Yeah this.

Me and DH both follow each other round chatting after work and if one goes into the bathroom then the other will sometimes follow if we're finishing a conversation. Neither of us mind if it's for a wee or to have a shower but if we want a poo / to be left alone, we say "just give me a minute" and close the door.

We don't have a lock but if the door is closed you don't go in.

Not sure why it needs to be any more complicated than that?

It sounds to me like you have a dominance problem on your hands. That’s not good.

If you have tried being polite about it, I would go nuclear. Take no prisoners. Absolutely berserk. I would leave no doubt of my expectations and if he missed that message, I would be considering my options. I would not want to live with someone who behaves as he does.

My husband wouldn’t dream of doing what your husband is doing unless we had a gas tank explosion.

It’s the “every time “ that’s so dominant.

A big no from me.