Husband boundaries

[MistyH1992]

My husband believes that unless I lay the boundary that I don't want him to come into the bathroom whilst I'm on the toilet, then how does he know I want privacy?
I've told him that I shouldn't have to lay that boundary and that surely it's common sense not to talk at me almost every time I'm on the loo but apparently not.. his words "unless you tell me then how do I know that?" .. AIBU that he should just have enough respect to allow me 2 minutes peace and have a number two in peace? 😅

I don’t want to watch husband have a poo and he has never just popped into the loo when I have been. But just lock the door. If you don’t in this house, the dog comes to watch if anyone is in the downstairs loo. Only poos though not wees she has a sixth sense.

This .
Similarly, posters who complain about people ( usually ILs ) who just walk into their house.
Lock doors !

"Unless you tell me how should I know?" he says, (perfectly clearly).
Well you don't tell him so he doesn't know.

"He should know." But the reality is he doesn't know, so tell him!
"I shouldn't have to tell him". But the reality is you do have to.
So what to do? Tell him. Lock the door. Don't answer him.

What is difficult to understand here?

Tell him that even if the door isn't locked, once it's closed that is the boundary. He can work it out for himself!

FFS!!!

LTB?

Some families are chatty toilet families. You may not like it but it does happen. So possibly his view of “normal” is entirely different to yours. It’s not utterly universal, though I’d agree chatty toilet families are likely in the minority.

But surely he has heard from you often enough now that you don’t want him to come in? I’d say to him one more time, spelling it out “If I’m in the bathroom I don’t ever at any point want you to come in and chat to me. That’s my ground rule. Please don’t do it again, even if door is unlocked”. Then he’s got no excuse.

I never lock my bathroom door, in all the years we've been together, my husband has never violated my privacy by coming in when the door is closed.

I don't know what I was expecting when I clicked on this thread, but it wasn't this.

I think for a lot of people coming into the bathroom whilst their partner is in there it's quite normal. DH leaves the door fully open when he's in there, and wouldn't bat an eyelid if I was to walk in (not that I do, I personally don't find that enjoyable). But I guess he's so comfortable that he's happy to just sit there with the door wide open in the ensuite while I'm in the bedroom and supposedly can see and hear everything.

I 'announce' that I'm going to the bathroom and walk away. That way, everyone knows not to bother me, and I do also lock the door.

But in this instance, I don't think he's unreasonable to ask you to express that you don't like him coming into the bathroom when you're in there ...

YABU. What your husband does is normal for some couples. What I’m confused about is how this only just came up now?

That's on you, thats your boundary to put in place, just lock the door

Exactly this! We discuss holiday ideas, our day at work, diy, EVERYTHING while I'm in the bath and he's on the toilet! There are no locks inside my house.

I'd get serious stage fright if I needed a wee in someone's house and they didn't have a lock on their toilet door.

I thought it was just standard up and down the country?!

A closed door is a boundary! Knock and wait for an answer. No or FUCK OFF! should suffice.

Or perhaps say that as he is SO interested in your toilet habits, you've printed out a poo chart and you'll let him know when you've done your business every day and he can come and monitor it. Perhaps he'd even like to check you've wiped properly???

(I'm very sarcastic, so in situations like this which are very clear to me, I'd just take the piss!)

@WilmaTitsDrop

Seriously, there isn't a lock on any inside door in ours, both sets of parents, and both my sisters or sister in laws! I can't remember the last house I went in with a lock on the bathroom door!

Other than in our house we'd just say 'I'm going for a wee' and that would be enough to prevent anyone coming in!

He sounds as though he resents you having corners of your life that aren’t available to him.

Say to him from this day forward, I never ever EVER want you to talk to me while I'm in the bathroom. I don't ever want you to talk to me from the other side of the door. Ever. Until my dying day. Consider this my permanent boundary. The only exception is if the house is on fire or someone is actively dying.

Really go out on it.

Throw in some for the avoidance of doubt this means no random musings, nothing that'll just take a second, nothing funny you just read, no talking about next week's plans. Go on and on and on with trivial examples then ask him if he'd like you to follow this up in writing.

I'm trying to imagine my DH face if he saw me doing no. 2. He absolutely wouldn't seek the experience out willingly. Does he really want you looking him in the eye while you take a shit?! And watch while you wipe?!!

Tell him bluntly "If I ever want you to come in and chat while I'm on the toilet I'll tell you"

Turn it back on him with a firm boundary and then absolutely hit the roof if he ignores it

First of all, I don't understand why you don't lock the door. You say that you 'sometimes' lock it. Presumably your husband thinks that the fact that you only sometimes lock it means that the lock is your signal for privacy, and that if you don't lock it, you're not bothered. I mean, if you have a lockable door and a partner who has a tendency to barge in, why would you not just lock the door every time?! It's not exactly arduous, is it?

Second, how has this just been going on all this time without being addressed? Surely the very first time this happened, you would have simply said 'DH, I never want you coming into the bathroom when I'm using the loo, so just assume that if I'm in here you need to leave me alone.' Or do you mean that you have repeatedly said this, and he refuses to accept it?

Is he suggesting that you need to tell him you want privacy on each individual occasion that you're on the crapper?

YABU

Why not just tell him not to.

Of course he’s not going to know if you let him do it several times without saying anything.

I personally would just lock the door but for some reason you can’t do that so you’ll need to tell him instead.

I genuinely don't think I've ever been in a house without a lock on the bathroom door?

I grew up with 4 siblings and 2 parents.

By the time I told all 6 of them I was going for a wee or a poo, it'd probably have been too late! 🤣🤣

Surely she shouldn’t have to lock the fucking door in her own home to stop her stupid husband barging in while she’s on the loo??

I’d assume there was something wrong with him, or he had a revolting fetish.

Every time?? That's very weird.

Just tell him that you never want him to come in to the loo when you're there, whether or not the door is locked!

‘Sod off - I’m having a poo’

or

‘Get out!!!!!!’

is a very clear boundary

Just tell him you projectile diarrhoea and if he decides to come in you suggest a gas mask because he's gonna need one 😬