Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend earns as much as me on benefits

343 replies

NattyFinch · 04/02/2025 20:21

I felt really shocked and conflicted after a discussion with a friend recently that revealed that she receives over £2000 a month on benefits for 2 children while I work full time as a single parent with one child for a similar amount (once I’ve paid all my taxes, ni etc). It stemmed from her saying she was going for ivf treatment at 48 at a total cost of £8000. I’m supportive as a friend and try not to be a judgmental person but this just seems unjust when I’ve worked so hard to stay in employment and raise my son single-handedly for 12 years. She doesn’t want to move to England because if the ivf is successful she will get more money to stay in Scotland. AIBU to think this is all bonkers ?!

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 04/02/2025 22:24

OP must be sat on their throne, watching the show.

Frostywinterwoods · 04/02/2025 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tachetastic · 04/02/2025 22:27

CarnivorousHipPain · 04/02/2025 20:36

Oh that's nothing. My friend on benefits gets paid £5000 a month, has minus two children (so plenty of spare time!), two chefs, a WW2 tank on her drive, and on top of that she burns DWP workers' furniture for firewood.

Respect to your friend. All that and still relying on wood-burning central heating over fossil fuels. 👌

Frostywinterwoods · 04/02/2025 22:27

So basically if you are 48 you are past it right!
Sister hood eh? FFS!
Non of you God damn business, for 1 I give her a round of applause to right, finally a woman that actually doesn't follow the narrative, that it's wrong to have more than 2kids.

summerdaysarecoming · 04/02/2025 22:27

Pumpkincozynights · 04/02/2025 22:22

Also all this talk about not building up a pension is irrelevant.
Those who do not work are not cast onto the streets at 67 are they? They are not thrown out of their ( paid for) homes and told to live on the streets until they drop dead. They receive just as much (if not more) than the person who has paid NI for their entire working life. They can go into any A&E and receive the same treatment as those who have gone out to work and paid NI. They can go into a nursing home and get the same treatment as those who have paid into the system.
They often get more than those who have worked. They can continue to tap into benefits which those who have paid into a private pension are excluded from. This does not mean that those who receive a private pension are better off, just that they have made sacrifices throughout their life so as to put money aside for their pension,

💯 👏

Sunnywalker · 04/02/2025 22:28

lookatthathorse · 04/02/2025 20:47

If you’re a single parent who rents then on your wage (which is quite low for a full-time job) you’re probably also entitled to Universal Credit. Are you claiming? If so, how much? Let’s make the comparison fair.

I can’t understand what the point of your thread is. You claim to be ‘conflicted’ because it’s so ‘unjust’. Where’s the conflict and what’s so unfair? Unfair would suggest the life your friend is leaving is not accessible to you but it absolutely is. Go for it if it seems so great. I suspect, however, that you know it isn’t that marvellous. That a life whereby a parent is wholly reliant on benefits is quite an isolated and unfulfilling one. And that the benefits (for want of a better word) of working go beyond your take-home pay. If I’m wrong though, please do just quit your job and be like your pal.

Don’t claim to be better though. The very fact that you’ve come onto Mumsnet spouting this dog-whistle shite is pretty repugnant IMO. I hope the inevitable benefit bashing makes you feel better and eases your inner turmoil, OP 👏

Show quote history

Well everyone’s life would be better if people like this had to work as they would be contributing rather than taking.

cadburyegg · 04/02/2025 22:28

Surely people are just paying the going rent in their area, not landlords fault it's high

Just to clear up something about the rent - the local housing authority sets the limit on how much they will pay towards housing. You can't just move in to a 3 bedroom penthouse in London and have all of your rent paid.

For example, if I rented I would be entitled to help with rent up to £875 a month which is the 2 bedroom rate for my area. 2 bedrooms is because I have 2 same sex children so they'd obviously be expected to share.

If I was looking for a property now, the cheapest in my area is £1300 a month for a 2 bedroom flat, so if I moved there I'd have to make up the difference with my own money. I could move further away for a cheaper property but I wouldn't be better off because the local housing rate in a cheaper postcode would also be lower.

Frostywinterwoods · 04/02/2025 22:31

Worked all my life,I never once look at others and think oh how dare they dare they.. I'm better because i work, they should be on less and beneath me . No, even if I was earning same or less, never once did it cross my mind, that how dare they! I concentrated on my life. I chose what I did . Life is to short for hate.

summerdaysarecoming · 04/02/2025 22:33

@Frostywinterwoods good for you, not everyone shares the same view as you obviously. Stop telling people how to feel ffs.

cherish123 · 04/02/2025 22:34

Surely not. If true, this just encourages laziness.

Summerhillsquare · 04/02/2025 22:36

NotaCoolMum · 04/02/2025 20:30

££££££££

Show quote history

It's utter fantasy benefit bashing. A woman of 48 will not be advised to have fertility treatment.

threelittlescones · 04/02/2025 22:36

cadburyegg · 04/02/2025 22:28

Surely people are just paying the going rent in their area, not landlords fault it's high

Just to clear up something about the rent - the local housing authority sets the limit on how much they will pay towards housing. You can't just move in to a 3 bedroom penthouse in London and have all of your rent paid.

For example, if I rented I would be entitled to help with rent up to £875 a month which is the 2 bedroom rate for my area. 2 bedrooms is because I have 2 same sex children so they'd obviously be expected to share.

If I was looking for a property now, the cheapest in my area is £1300 a month for a 2 bedroom flat, so if I moved there I'd have to make up the difference with my own money. I could move further away for a cheaper property but I wouldn't be better off because the local housing rate in a cheaper postcode would also be lower.

This is true but it only applies to private renting not council/social housing.

Whateveritsallmadnow · 04/02/2025 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

For everyone genuinely in need it goes without doubt the help should and must there for them and long may it continue I think the worry is it won't happen, not sure we can blame things on immigration, it's not our country we were just lucky enough to have been born in a country with benefits. People just need to use when needed and not elsewhere, it will never work as some will always take advantage

honestfossil · 04/02/2025 22:37

agree that it's ridiculous, but sadly I think it's totally true!
Chatting with my sister, she knows people in similar situations, who earned similar to her old salary, and a fair bit above her current salary. Adults who've never worked, but have had a child and are earning more than many people who're working full time, as well as being entitled to more 'freebies' or support.

Hattieandcake · 04/02/2025 22:40

What is pension credit ? Maybe if they world they would then build up pension ! Honestly why are we encouraging people to not work !!!!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/02/2025 22:41

Frostywinterwoods · 04/02/2025 22:27

So basically if you are 48 you are past it right!
Sister hood eh? FFS!
Non of you God damn business, for 1 I give her a round of applause to right, finally a woman that actually doesn't follow the narrative, that it's wrong to have more than 2kids.

Well yeah at 48 you are past it in fertility terms. Otherwise she wouldn’t need IVF (which likely won’t work)

User79853257976 · 04/02/2025 22:42

BloodandGlitter · 04/02/2025 20:28

That amount either includes her rent or she or her children are disabled.

It doesn’t matter if it includes her rent, OP has to pay her housing costs out of her wages.

Whateveritsallmadnow · 04/02/2025 22:46

threelittlescones · 04/02/2025 22:36

This is true but it only applies to private renting not council/social housing.

Show quote history

Yes exactly so landlords charge going rate for area, benefits will only cover a going rate, so landlords generally if wanting to attract renters have to match rate or similar

Emma6cat · 04/02/2025 22:47

Its annoying if its true. I think the 48 year old wouldn't be advised to have IVF. However I had a friend who already had 3 kids and had twins at 51 via IVF in Poland for very little money.

Paul2023 · 04/02/2025 22:50

My sister is law is on benefits, single mother with children and she was being hounded to get a job or lose her benefits ! She works part time now.
But they were really gunning for her. Why don’t others get this too ?

Monty27 · 04/02/2025 22:51

@NattyFinch I had a friend who worked locally part time in a Dr's reception and could pick up her dcs from school every day and was quids in while I held on to my ft with a 2 hours commute and at times travelling. All childminding cost money. I did get expenses but she had the quality of life in addition to life expenses paid by the government.
But I had a mortgage to pay while friend was paying rent.
I own my house now.
Depends on your strengths I suppose.

cadburyegg · 04/02/2025 22:55

Yes exactly so landlords charge going rate for area, benefits will only cover a going rate, so landlords generally if wanting to attract renters have to match rate or similar

Benefits will only cover the local housing allowance. The landlord will charge the market rent which is usually much higher. We have a housing crisis in this country, landlords do not need to do much to "attract renters" other than put their house on the renters market. There's no incentive for a landlord to offer their house for market at a cheaper rate to benefit claimants.

If you look at the post quoted by the poster you are quoting, I gave an example of the discrepancy, which in my area is over £400 pcm.

Trumptonagain · 04/02/2025 22:56

JimHalpertsWife · 04/02/2025 21:14

It's probably worth noting that this is the OPs first post on Mumsnet.

Ummmm...
Just musing...
Can you name change on posts..

Wonder if the poster has also name changed and is having a full on vent against posters that are agreeing with the original post.

TempestTost · 04/02/2025 22:57

OnlyDespairRemains · 04/02/2025 21:02

I know it's a bit off topic, but isn't it all just a little bit wrong that we have to subsidise some full time workers with benefits in order to increase the amount that the owners or shareholders of a business take home.

OP says she works for the government though and so if she really is elegible for UC, I'm not sure if that actually makes it better or worse.

Show quote history

I suppose though, we live in an economy where the expectation is two incomes are required to support a family. So two ft incomes for one household. Prices, particularly around housing, have risen to meet that model.

As soon as that family model fails, because of divorce, death, or maybe there was never a father involved, whatever - all of a sudden there is one income - and how could the two income model work? If the one income is on the higher side it's possible to live as you are two people in a lower wage bracket. But with a low income, and one job, there is no way it can really be enough.

HiEarthlings · 04/02/2025 22:58

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/02/2025 20:32

Well, she doesn't EARN it. She's entitled to it as welfare benefit. It's not payday, it's handout day.

There's Information missing. We don't know how long she's been on benefits, if she's ever worked or if she had a husband who worked, and if so, how much tax and NI they paid. The latter two would mean that she HAS "earned" it. She will have paid into the system so should be allowed to claim her due if it's needed.... Also, no one, not even a "close friend" knows everything there is to know about another person; what they've been through, what they're experiencing or what their full financial situation is!