To hate having someone here all the time?

[tryingtohidehere]

My brother is currently living with us. It’s stressful.

The thing I’m most struggling with is that he’s constantly here. He comes down in the morning and takes root on the sofa and that’s it, he rarely moves! I’ve managed to shoo him upstairs for a bit but I’m somehow still aware of his presence and this also used to be the case when DH was working from home during Covid. I can never totally chill out.

Is it just me? I think it might be!

I feel your pain. My DH seems to WAH a lot at the moment and I cannot stand it. Just disrupts the routine (that errr I don't even have... but you know how it is). I can't stand him asking me questions, even like what are you doing.

I would say to him he needs to find something that takes him out of the house (gym, library, cinema membership, whatever) at least several hours a day

Go upstairs to chill out if he never moves. Then you won't you know he's there. I know it's your house and all that but presumably he's there for a reason and you can't make him move out or even go out each day. Is he not working/looking for work?

Why is he there, set some ground rules and don't let him get comfortable while you feel uncomfortable. Once he realises he can't do as he pleases it may speed up his departure

how long for?

I can see why it's annoying you, but if he lives there and you can't ask him to leave, obviously he's going to be present most of the time if he doesn't work outside the house. If it's currently his home, I don't think you could reasonably expect him to spend all his time in his bedroom.

I don't think it's just you! I think lots of people would find it irritating. But I don't think it's your brother's fault really; he isn't actually doing anything wrong.

I can’t really - have two little children. I WISH I could hide upstairs! Sometimes I do in the evening if he’s here and DH isn’t I do.

@SeaShellsSanctuary1 its a long story. He’s nowhere to go - he has bought a flat but it’s taking forever to go through. So I’m hoping it isn’t going to be much longer but every day with him is a long day.

I know @ItGhoul - it’s not his fault, it wasn’t Dhs when he was WFH! But I find after a while everything they do starts to bother me!

Does he go to work. Hope his flat works out soon and he is cooking family meals for you twice a week to show his appreciation.

He’s autistic - high functioning but still, he’d never be able to cook or anything like that. It’s exhausting though.

How many threads are you going to post about the same issue? What are you looking for from this?

Just ranting! Blimey …

I am having a whinge, that’s literally it. Why does it bother you!

Is he able to entertain and keep an eye on the DC then while you go and 'change the beds'?

Not if it's the poster who posts multiple threads on this!

Well usually people post on AIBU to sense check their thoughts on a situation and brainstorm solutions.

Perhaps you should have made it clear you were just pointlessly having a whinge.

No indeed.

To be fair I think this is the third thread I’ve had, but it is a difficult situation and there’s basically no resolution and it’s very, very stressful.

There is something odd about posting the same thing over and over and saying the same things (he's buying a place, he's autistic) in response to the same comments and questions.

How many times are you planning to repeat it?

I think I’ve made it clear now. It may be pointless to you but to me it isn’t.

Until he goes I suppose.

Wasnt the suggested resolution to stop waiting for this current house and move on as a cash buyer to what's available NOW?
Your dh must be a saint!

Just remember it's not forever,

Ok so he's not destitute or in a bad situation or ill, it's just because a house sale is dragging. Good.

Could you kindly ask him to give you some space? Especially as it's a bit open ended.

'its absolutely fine you staying here but if I'm honest, I don't want you feeling awkward but we've limited space and with the two kids and an extra person it is feeling a bit cramped having someone in the living room all fay. I was even like it with DH. Youre welcome as long as you need but can you maybe work from the library or office for a few hours some days or stay with friends or parents for a weekend? Nothing personal, you're more than welcome, it would just really help to have that space:. If he is not NT he may appreciate a direct request.

@CaptainFuture there were lots of suggestions but none of them are possible or practical.

I am genuinely sorry if it’s annoyed people, that’s not what I want to do. It’s literally just a sound off because it’s very difficult to talk about in Rl.

It is very hard on DH, but he’s away Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday every week so he does get a break in a way that I don’t. I mean, even if we bought something now, right this minute put an offer on, it would still be several weeks which is probably the same as the one he’s buying! So wouldn’t solve anything. We’re just stuck until something happens.

But the one he's buying now is several, several months almost a year of ongoing is it not?

Thanks @Catandsquirrel . When I’ve tried that he just starts endlessly and exhaustingly apologising. And it is hard for him as well; we’re rural, he can’t drive, so even going somewhere like the library is difficult logistically. It’s just a shit situation for everybody and I realise that is probably eye rolly for people if you are solution focused.

It is @CaptainFuture . Waiting for one more piece of information. But I / we had no way of knowing that when we bought it.

I thought seriously about pulling out and buying somewhere after the last thread but I don’t think it would do any good. Buying a new place (assuming we can find one) would take several weeks. This one will take several weeks. That’s how it is.