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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I went into my boyfriend's cloud gallery and found pictures of his ex.

166 replies

josie384 · 04/02/2025 10:46

I am 24, he is 31.

My phone stopped working a few days ago so my boyfriend handed me his old phone (that he uses daily along with his new one). I went through the gallery and told him so, he agreed. In this gallery I found pictures from 2025 only. I was looking for pictures from 2024 from this trip we had to Hawaii. Then I found a cloud app. To my surprise it was with no password (He has everything encrypted, with passwords and has two phones).

I checked this cloud, I found the pictures from our trip I was looking for. I went further on this cloud here was a ton of pictures of his childhood girlfriend. Very old pictures kissing each other etc...
I felt like I wanted to vomit but then I thought everyone has a past. He talked me about his ex which they dated from 2010 til 2017 (but I found photos of them hooking up till 2020).

I said ok, those from 2010 are alright u know, you are young etc. Then I noticed he had pictures from 2019 of this woman wearing lingerie, very explicit photos and videos. And I confronted my boyfriend.

He of course said I had no business going through this cloud. I asked him why he kept those pictures, he said he didn't have time to delete them since they’re so many (from 2010, more than 40K photos). I told him to look into my eyes and tell me he didn't have them for another reason. He said he loves me and only me and that's why he took a 16 hour flight to spend 2 months with me.
I don't know what to think. I want to vomit. He never took pictures like that to me.

Like so many, naked, etc.. He said that recently he bought that cloud’s license and put all his hard drives there in that cloud but never checked photo by photo in order to delete it.
What should I do? This is my first long term relationship (we're together since 2020). And I have no clue about what's wrong, and what's right.

OP posts:
BigBlueEyes678 · 04/02/2025 10:58

So these are photos from before you were together? Not your business at all. I have thousands of photos with my exes since DH and I met when I was 31. I had a whole life before I met him.

Yabadabadooooo · 04/02/2025 11:03

What's wrong is going through his old pics from BEFORE you met and having a fit about it and even people without ltrs know that.
I rarely delete old pictures, many people don't. There will be some controversial ones in that mix.

Star81 · 04/02/2025 11:03

Everyone Has a history and you can’t expect them to forget / delete it - 10 years of his life it a lot ! . It happened before you. I also think you going through his cloud photos isn’t on, you knew you were looking at things that didn’t concern you ,

SwerveCity · 04/02/2025 11:05

Everyone has a past, yes. But I don’t think keeping naked or lingerie pics is normal or ok at all.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 04/02/2025 11:07

You are being very unreasonable - not just for going through his stuff when he trusted you with access to his photos, but also for being controlling about what pics he should be allowed to keep and for trying to trip him up by getting him to “look into your eyes” and swear he doesn’t look at them etc.

If I were him I’d see this as a huge red flag and it would change the way I feel about you as a partner. If my ex started questioning me about photos of an ex he’d be joining their ranks asap.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 04/02/2025 11:07

Duplicate post

Anothernamechane · 04/02/2025 11:08

i probably have all sorts in my cloud. I’ve never gone through it and probably never will. It’s more concerning to me that you’ve looked at 15 years worth of photos

lunar1 · 04/02/2025 11:09

Creepy ad Hell, looking through the photos, not their existence.

Greenbottle123 · 04/02/2025 11:10

I think this is fine. We’ve all got history.

Vertigo2851 · 04/02/2025 11:11

How long have you been together?

HappyNewFeckingYear · 04/02/2025 11:11

What should you do?

Be prepared to be single again. He will probably never be able to see you in the same light again.

furiousnana · 04/02/2025 11:13

i have about 21000 photos in my cloud and as much as i try to organise them, they are still there! there's probably a few photos of a few ex's there.

i would propbably worry more if there were photos taken recently of his ex?

furiousnana · 04/02/2025 11:14

Anothernamechane · 04/02/2025 11:08

i probably have all sorts in my cloud. I’ve never gone through it and probably never will. It’s more concerning to me that you’ve looked at 15 years worth of photos

oh hell 15 years! thats some dedicated snooping right there! who has the time?

Vertigo2851 · 04/02/2025 11:14

Was he seeing you both in 2020?

HPandthelastwish · 04/02/2025 11:15

This is a consequence of going out with someone older than you at a different life stage and with more experience

If I were you I'd go out with someone a similar age and with similar experience

beAsensible1 · 04/02/2025 11:15

You are so unbelievably out of order it’s unreal. The cloud is a back up/ hat drive of every photo taken.

To spend your time trawling through photos looking for something to be angry about and thinking you are in the right.

unless they’re pictures from when you are dating you are in the wrong. What a violation of trust from you.

if I let a trusted person use my phone and they find they have access to my cloud I expect them to log out. Not interrogate me about photos from a decade ago like a lunatic.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 04/02/2025 11:17

Everyone has a past, and he's not cheated on you that I can see. I think it's pretty grim that he's kept naked pics of exs though 😳

Conniebygaslight · 04/02/2025 11:20

Before the days of digital cameras my then BF (now DH) had stumbled across some old film and asked if I could drop it in to the chemist as I was in town. The entire film was pictures of an old GF - we laughed about it. Still happily married 25+ years later

Arraminta · 04/02/2025 11:20

Are you sure you're 24? You sound like a 14 year old. His previous relationships Are. None. Of. Your. Business.

OnlyThickBeans · 04/02/2025 11:22

I’d expect him to delete them now but I wouldn’t hold it against him.

Whataweirdtime · 04/02/2025 11:22

I backed up an external hard drive recently to the cloud and it did exactly the same thing!

Yabu :)

Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 11:23

Well i wouldn't be happy OP.
I don't understand why people feel the need to send each other naked photos in the first place.
I thought that where people did this etiquette required when a relationship ended intimate photos should be deleted

I would find your bf extremely tacky tbh.

Vertigo2851 · 04/02/2025 11:23

It sounds like you’re upset he lied about the length of their relationship. And hurt that he has done something intimate (videos) with her that he hasn’t done with you.

He's got quite the porn library of her. I wouldn’t like it personally.

AnSolas · 04/02/2025 11:29

Leave him asap

You are way too controlling to make the relationship work and you are going to continue to be emotionally abusive.

Tillow4ever · 04/02/2025 11:37

Personally I'd be grateful he doesn't have photos and videos of you like that - how would you feel if he still had those when he inevitably dumps you following your parade of red flags?

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