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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset bf never told me he has hsv1

55 replies

Amaretty · 02/02/2025 18:48

So for context we have been together just shy of 2 months. Never mentioned anything about hsv1 but only when he broke out with an infection told me.

His excuse was that he thought everyone had it.

aibu to think we should disclose this to our partners?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/02/2025 18:53

Cold sores?
Apparently 70% of people in the UK have the virus
Dh gets cold sores but Ive never have one and neither have my 2 kids (we've been together over 30 years)

smallchange · 02/02/2025 18:53

You mean he gets cold sores?

No, I don't think that's something to "disclose". If he lied about it when you said you wanted to know or it was a deal-breaker then sure.

It is very, very common. My mother has had it since childhood and never passed it to anyone through basic preventative measures.

I picked it up aged 18 from some random I kissed in the street at New Year. Also have never passed it on (although I had to be extremely firm with someone who wanted a snog at a club when I was at uni when I had an active sore - he was still all for it when I told him why it wasn't a good idea).

Boredlass · 02/02/2025 18:54

I get cold sores. My husband has never caught it despite 19 years of marriage.

Original poster
Amaretty · 02/02/2025 18:55

It was blisters all over his mouth and top lip.

OP posts:
Scammersarescum · 02/02/2025 18:55

It's a cold sore not syphilis

Lemonade2011 · 02/02/2025 18:56

My boyfriend gets cold sores. But surely by adult years if you were going to catch them from someone you would have, I don’t get them and him having them makes no difference to me, I didn’t expect him to ‘disclose’ it to me prior to our first date or anything.

rwalker · 02/02/2025 18:58

I would expect to be told when he has one which he did
but wouldn’t of expected an initial announcement

dementedpixie · 02/02/2025 18:58

Amaretty · 02/02/2025 18:55

It was blisters all over his mouth and top lip.

Avoid kissing when it's active. Be aware it can be passed to the genitals through oral sex.

I've never had cold sore on my face or genitals despite dh getting cold sores as we are careful if he has an outbreak

Freetodowhatiwant · 02/02/2025 19:01

No I think you're being ridiculous. It's just a cold sore. It's hard pressed to find anyone who's never had the virus in some form or other these days I am sure. I've never had a cold sore but in all my years of kissing (and skeeping with!) men not one of them has ever felt the need to point out that they have had cold sores (unless of course they have an obvious active thing on their lip) and nor would I have expected them to.

namechangeGOT · 02/02/2025 19:02

No, I don't think it's something to 'disclose'.

TheyCallMeMrsBug · 02/02/2025 19:04

You can see if he has an active infection, they are hardly inconspicuous.

bodaud · 02/02/2025 19:05

I get cold sores (56) never disclosed them to anyone in my life, not even to my now husband until I got one and then obviously avoid kissing - Why on earth would you?

pinkwillowtree · 02/02/2025 19:05

Yes, you are being ridiculously unreasonable

pinkwillowtree · 02/02/2025 19:11

My sister and I had a huge argument about decorating our babies room with the same nursery stickers (hormones were high I think).

pinkwillowtree · 02/02/2025 19:12

Gosh sorry,
Wrong thread!!🤣

rach7979 · 02/02/2025 19:13

I get cold sores my partner has never caught them because we don't kiss, share towels etc. I've never 'confessed' to a partner to having them- why would I? More people have the virus than don't!!

arcticpandas · 02/02/2025 19:19

My DH sometimes get it. We've been together for 25 years. I've never had it nor my children. When it breaks out he obviously doesn't kiss any of us. It's very very common. You can have it without symptoms. This would not be a dealbreaker for me- cut him some slack.

Poppyseeds79 · 02/02/2025 19:23

He probably didn't even think about it. Mostly it's dormant for a lot of people anyways. If it was HSV-2 I'd want that info shared if they were aware though.

Glorybox2025 · 02/02/2025 19:24

It's funny that when people have it on the genitalia it's herpes, and STI and needs to be disclosed, but when it's on the face they don't! Personally I don't think either location needs to be 'disclosed' unless/until a break out is imminent. 75% of adults in the UK carry the virus. You probably have it already.

PrimalLass · 02/02/2025 19:24

Pretty much everyone has it

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/02/2025 19:33

Amaretty · 02/02/2025 18:55

It was blisters all over his mouth and top lip.

Yup, that's cold sores. Don't kiss him during an outbreak and you won't get it.

Not everyone has it - but SEVENTY PERCENT OF US DO.

HTH

Original poster
Amaretty · 02/02/2025 19:56

Thanks everyone.

I appreciate the feedback. I’ll cut him some slack.

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 02/02/2025 20:05

FWIW I've 'disclosed' about my HSV1 to every partner I've had (beyond a casual fling) and all but one have said they have had cold sores in the past too. Not one of them ever considered 'disclosing' to me and it wouldn't have crossed their minds.

Bubblegumtatoos · 02/02/2025 20:09

‘In the UK, 7 out of 10 people have caught herpes virus by the age of 25; although most people won’t know this because only 1 in 3 people develop noticeable symptoms’.

I’ve never had a cold sore but I am not stupid enough to think I am not potentially a carrier of HSV1.

Statistics don’t lie. Ignorant people do.

TMGM · 02/02/2025 20:23

Glorybox2025 · 02/02/2025 19:24

It's funny that when people have it on the genitalia it's herpes, and STI and needs to be disclosed, but when it's on the face they don't! Personally I don't think either location needs to be 'disclosed' unless/until a break out is imminent. 75% of adults in the UK carry the virus. You probably have it already.

It's very grim that you don't think genital herpes should be disclosed to a sexual partner prior to sex.