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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say I can’t believe he has missed another arranged call (long distance)?

64 replies

Carswell · 02/02/2025 16:11

My long distance boyfriend has a habit of missing our arranged times to talk. Because he studies he prefers to block off the time and talk at a specific time than call whenever.

I would say this happens half of the time we’re due to talk. So this morning we decided we’d talk at 4pm. He’s not online and he hasn’t called.

in the last week I’ve also suffered a bereavement. I’ve been looking forward to it and I find it unbelievably rude.

other than this he visits regularly and has been in touch every day by messaging to offer support. But this makes me feel so disrespected. I think he might have undiagnosed ADHD but I don’t think it’s an excuse.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 02/02/2025 16:12

Why didn't you call him? Have you tried?

Original poster
Carswell · 02/02/2025 16:13

CaptainFuture · 02/02/2025 16:12

Why didn't you call him? Have you tried?

Yes! The message wasn’t delivered because he switches off his phone when studying which I know he was doing before talking.

no reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carswell · 02/02/2025 16:14

We had a conversation about it about 2 months ago. I said I wanted him to stop missing calls so how can we solve this.

he said he’d start putting an alarm on.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 02/02/2025 16:18

Switches his phone off? Sounds dodgy to me.

Gingernaut · 02/02/2025 16:20

I'd start looking for a new BF nearer to home

This sounds as dodgy as fuck

Has any money been transferred?

coxesorangepippin · 02/02/2025 16:22

Find another bloke

Cakeandusername · 02/02/2025 16:23

Are you sure he is single? Requires scheduled calls and missing them regularly I’d assume his wife is there.

Gcsunnyside23 · 02/02/2025 16:29

He's married op, he's not turned it off for studying

GetDownkeith · 02/02/2025 16:35

Have you not posted about this boyfriend several times before? I am not sure what other advice you are looking for.

Notimeforaname · 02/02/2025 16:38

Yeah I don't think he is studying when he says he is.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 02/02/2025 16:38

Why bother? He’s not bothered and you aren’t a priority.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 02/02/2025 16:39

GetDownkeith · 02/02/2025 16:35

Have you not posted about this boyfriend several times before? I am not sure what other advice you are looking for.

I recognise the story too.

bluefluffster · 02/02/2025 16:40

Is this the lecturer guy doing his PhD who has a good job, but is completely incompatible/rude/odd social skills/not capable of a supportive relationship?

Says he has autism/anxiety etc, just completely difficult and self-centred and in his own agenda/narrative. There's no point analysing him or trying to change him.

Weren't you meant to be talking about your relationship last month? And isn't even answering the phone when you're feeling vulnerable?

If this is the same guy, then you need to drop him - this is not going anywhere, and you don't want another year of sunk cost fallacy. You haven't got kids and you don't live together, easy to detach.

furiousnana · 02/02/2025 16:40

doesnt sound like long distance relationships are for you.

maybe something has happeend? or maybe he's just caught up studying and lost track of time?

not really much you can do until he turns his phone back on i guess and then you need a conversation.

HRTQueen · 02/02/2025 16:43

either take the very obvious hint or keep hanging on hoping he will change

he isn’t that interested

Ragwort · 02/02/2025 16:45

I agree with other posters, you must be the same Op that posts endlessly about this 'relationship' ... you need to let it go, have some self esteem, end it and find other interests, friends, hobbies etc to focus on. You seem to be obsessed with this chap, he's obviously not nearly as keen as you are and perhaps like the thought of you desperately waiting by the phone at a certain time.

LauritaEvita · 02/02/2025 16:45

Dump him. Adhd ir being a student are not justifications for being completely unavailable or only available on his scheduled terms. Get a fella who can’t wait to talk to you. You don’t be able to believe how good it feels.

2025willbemytime · 02/02/2025 16:47

Maybe he's engrossed in his studying and doesn't want to break off. But have another chat then decide from there.

Crunchymum · 02/02/2025 16:49

GetDownkeith · 02/02/2025 16:35

Have you not posted about this boyfriend several times before? I am not sure what other advice you are looking for.

It does sound very familiar.

100% something incredibly dodgy here @Carswell

biggreenapple24 · 02/02/2025 16:55

I think I'd just be unavailable to chat ever again. It's SO rude.

CarnivorousHipPain · 02/02/2025 17:00

I'd be really upset by that.

Semiramide · 02/02/2025 17:00

Ragwort · 02/02/2025 16:45

I agree with other posters, you must be the same Op that posts endlessly about this 'relationship' ... you need to let it go, have some self esteem, end it and find other interests, friends, hobbies etc to focus on. You seem to be obsessed with this chap, he's obviously not nearly as keen as you are and perhaps like the thought of you desperately waiting by the phone at a certain time.

I'm not familiar with your back story, but these are my immediate thoughts. Why are you continuing to flog this apparently dead horse?

Redcandlescandal · 02/02/2025 17:02

He sounds rather married to me…

Gone12 · 02/02/2025 17:29

He's got one or more girlfriends nearer to home or is married.

Have you ever visited him, @Carswell ? Are you both in the UK? Or is there a time zone difference?

GreyAreas · 02/02/2025 17:41

If you find it rude it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We can all speculate that he's hyper focusing and it's unintentional, or that he's an ogre, but ultimately if it's not working for you then it's not working. How do you intend to address it?