To say I can’t believe he has missed another arranged call (long distance)?

[Carswell]

My long distance boyfriend has a habit of missing our arranged times to talk. Because he studies he prefers to block off the time and talk at a specific time than call whenever.

I would say this happens half of the time we’re due to talk. So this morning we decided we’d talk at 4pm. He’s not online and he hasn’t called.

in the last week I’ve also suffered a bereavement. I’ve been looking forward to it and I find it unbelievably rude.

other than this he visits regularly and has been in touch every day by messaging to offer support. But this makes me feel so disrespected. I think he might have undiagnosed ADHD but I don’t think it’s an excuse.

when it happens, I tell him it’s not ok. The last time I said I wanted this not to happen again, so what did he suggest? He suggested an alarm but didn’t use it today.

next time I won’t take his call. I hope this will be serious enough for him to absorb the importance of the issue. I love him and he treats me very well usually but this is not a good quality. No, I’m not willing to be with him at any cost @ExpensiveBiscuits - at the moment I’m bereaved so not great at confronting this. I think I’m willing to bring it up one more time - but that should be the last.

Didn't you post about this before...

If he doesn't have time to call you and you are not prepared to leave because he spends all his time with you every couple of weeks blah blah blah then just don't expect the phone calls and don't plan your life around them. Make it more casual ( call when you finish studying). You can't change him. He doesn't think its important enough for him to want to change himself. If I remember the story, the PhD was only meant to be for a short time more, wasn't it? So don't set so much store in the phone calls. He doesn't. He's got other priorities.

My son has ADHD. He is now 32 and very happily married to a wonderful woman. His previous girlfriends found it very difficult that he would forget events , phone calls etc. When he met his now wife we knew he would marry her because he didn't forget a single thing that involved her. He didn't want to do anything that would upset her or cause her to end the relationship. Previous girlfriends would have said that he was thoughtful and attentive when he was in front of them. Out of sight, out of mind

Him again.
Just get rid.
A relationship shouldn't be this much hard work.

He’s married op

How old are you both?

How long have you been together/how come it’s long distance?

No one is perfect. It doesn’t exist.
And it’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to put with and what you’re not.

But I don’t believe that anyone would look at the clock and know they have to ring someone in 10mins and then forgets.

I do think it’s odd that he turns his phone off so much too.

But at the same time I wonder if you’re both quite young and both of your lives shouldn’t revolve around each other.

I think if this is an issue for you, then I would stop arranging times with him.
Ask him to ring when he’s free and if you’re available to talk then answer, if not don’t.

I would try it for a couple of months.
Either it will work out well and you can stick to that plan.
Or it won’t work out and he’ll either go want to go back to arranging times and actually answer or you may realise you’re not a priority to him.

If I looked at my phone and saw that it was 3.50 and I was going to call someone I loved at 4 I would ..
Stop studying.
Have a quick pee so I could talk for ages
Put the kettle on.
Get myself comfy.
I would not carry on studying and risk missing the time. Particularly if I knew that that person was going through something difficult

Please stop trying to turn this into a relationship.

This is someone who you have fun with when you are together.

But you spend most of your time stressed about not seeing him, whether he cares etc.

You aren't able to keep it as a casual hook up because you want more.

He doesn't.

So please just quit and find someone who does want you.

He sounds either dodgy or thick. Is that really what you want from a "long distance " relationship?

He acts like this because as you said you put up with it
Value yourself more, you're flogging a dead horse
Other men are available closer to home who will make the effort you should expect.

This is the reality of dating someone with unmanaged ADHD who has "time blindness " I've just ended a relationship with someone liked this and it was so so hard because when we were together and he was hyper focused on me he made me feel like the only person in the world and was so fun, loving and exciting but ultimately I need someone who I know will be there when it really counts and when he overslept and missed my family party where he should have been meeting some of my family for the first time I knew I needed to step away. It depends what you want from the relationship and are willing to put up with really. Good Luck xx

Hmm. This is weird.

How often do you get to see him?