To think that the concept of ‘unconditional love’ does more harm than good?

[GutsyBrickMoose]

Unconditional love sounds noble but doesn’t it enable toxic behaviours and prevent accountability? AIBU to think all love should have boundaries?

I love my son unconditionally. Loving an unrelated adult unconditionally is just weird.

No. I have always told my children I shall love them unconditionally but doesn't mean I shall like them liking them depends on their behaviours.

I’d have to agree. I’ve noticed more MN threads about posters with absolutely vile adult children who treat them like crap, and no doubt hinge on “unconditional love” that enables their behaviour.

Surely all love should be a little bit conditional? Or it should be “unconditional love, conditional involvement in your life”

I don’t think romantic love is ever truly and completely unconditional, nor should it be.

But my love for my daughter is unconditional, absolutely, there’s nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her.

I don’t love anyone unconditionally. Not even my children. I cannot imagine not loving them in the future but there are things they could do that would mean I no longer loved them: murder, child abuse, rape, violence against a partner.

I cannot even imagine them doing those things but if they did my love would die.

Easy to love nice people - harder for others.

But not that hard - love doesn’t mean doing what a weirdo or a narc wants.

Real love in times of trial is doing what’s best for someone.

I feel harsh because I'm not sure I do love my children unconditionally.

I am very much more open to them making mistakes and forgiving them things i might not tolerate from others, in a loving mother way.

But I think if my child committed some horrible violent crime I'd never be able too look at them in the same way again.

I think I do love my children unconditionally. No one else though.

I definitely love my children and my dog unconditionally.

They might conceivably behave in ways I would find abhorrent (well not DDog obviously he’s a saint) but I would still love them.

Romantic partners? Absolutely not.

The love itself is unconditional though isn't it. If my dc grow up to be arseholes and treat me like dirt I'd still love them even if I really didn't like them.

I think it's like forgiveness, people misunderstand it. If you forgive someone it doesn't mean you condone their behaviour. Loving someone doesn't mean you need to support their choices or have no boundaries. I think I love my children unconditionally, I can't imagine even the most heinous crimes eradicating the love I feel for them now as children, but I can imagine establishing boundaries and not supporting or condoning them if they did certain things.

Out of interest if your dog bit your child would you still love them?

Ive had dogs but only ever loved them on the condition they didn’t harm my family

My love for my husband is 100% conditional, there's plenty I can imagine him doing that would make me fall out of love with him and remember our good times with nostalgia.

I absolutely love my children unconditionally. I would still love them even if they committed the worst crimes possible. It doesn't mean I'd condone the behaviour, be proud of them or even forgive them. But I don't think I'd ever stop loving them.

I love my children unconditionally, but that doesn't mean I would accept poor behaviours.
You can love someone but not have them in your life, if it comes down to it.

Ime even when a dc does something so despicable you can't be in their life it doesn't quash the love felt..
I wish my dc knew this.
Never got the chance to tell them...
Anyone else boundaries apply imo.

I love my kids unconditionally.

Even if they did something so heinous that I had to cut them off I would still love them.

I've always said that their love for me should be conditional on me being a good parent though.

Anyone else I've ever loved has been conditionally.

You can love your children unconditionally.
But not necessarily like what they're doing.

But a parent who didn't put up with horrible treatment would (probably) still love their child. Loving them unconditionally doesn't mean putting up with whatever they do.

I love my children unconditionally. That doesn't mean I'd support literally anything they did.

Yes, I would still love him, but I would rehome him, even if it broke my heart.

I am not sure if I love my children unconditionally, I only know that so far nothing has stopped me from loving them.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable to think that love should have boundaries. In fact, love without boundaries can sometimes allow unhealthy behaviors to go unchecked. Unconditional love often sounds like the ideal, but without limits, it can enable toxic relationships, where one person might take advantage of the other or fail to grow and take responsibility for their actions.. Boundaries aren’t about withdrawing love they’re about protecting both people’s well-being and fostering healthier, more respectful relationships. You can still love someone deeply and set limits that encourage accountability, personal growth, and mutual respect. So, no, you're not being unreasonable. Boundaries are essential for any relationship to thrive in a balanced, healthy way.

I love my children unconditionally but that's it. I will love them forever no matter what. IMO unconditional love should be for children only. It certainly shouldn't be for dogs or partners.

I love my dog SO much and am forever driving dh mad by going on about hos much I adore him. But if he harmed one of my kids he'd be gone and of course I wouldn't love him anymore. Thats healthy and normal.

I love dh more than I can say - he is amazing- but would I still love him if he hit me or cheated on me well no.

How

I think it's normal to love your children unconditionally but not your partner.