How are people managing to pay the bills in this shit show

[Allthenameshavegone1972]

My daughter, fiance & dgs moved into their small, rented house nearly 3 years ago. Finding it a big struggle every month with the rent being £860. We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.
I've found out her fiance has asked to borrow money for rent from his mum & for the second time my daughter has asked to borrow as he has not had the overtime. They obviously can't afford it. Both trying to get pay rises but it's hard in this day & age.
At the grand old age of 60 I was hoping to take a break from my office job, which I hate, for a few months and then go temping or work part time. We can afford for me to do that. If, on the other hand, I'm working full time then we can afford to be guarantors for their rent. Cant win either way!
She wishes theyd never rented now. They were living with her inlaws who have the space for them. She wishes she'd saved that rental money for a deposit instead. Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent. At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent. We're not going to be in the best of health to work forever as we get older.
My dd is despairing, saying that she can't see life getting any better. I agree, unless us parents die relatively young without needing a care home and they inherit from us.
This shit show of a housing & col crisis is at breaking point, something had to be done, but I don't know what! 😡😡

Yeah, they're pissing away money on something. That's not an unreasonable rent.

They didn' t have to buy cars on a lease. Or at least expensive cars.

Have you seen their income and outgoings?

What about mobile phone contracts? Netflix? Amazon Prime? Sky?

You're angry at being used but you don't appear to have had a proper conversation with them or offered to help them budget.

A close look at their finances will unquestionably reveal items that are 'luxuries" to the rest of us on a shoestring budget. Halve their rent and that is what a lot of people pay for one room in a house share. They need help with budgeting. Whatever you do, don't step in and sub them.

They may not be expensive cars.

Even second hand car loads aren’t cheap now.

Something is very much amiss here.

No childcare costs, double income and struggling to pay rent?

I pay £900 rent a month alone on their joint income. There is plenty for food and bills (me and two children living here) after rent. Obviously I’m not living the high life but I’m not asking relatives to pay my rent either.

I’d be asking to go through their finances with them, including bank statements if necessary, before I parted with anymore cash. They’ve got comfortable with mummy and daddy bailing them out. There is no way they shouldn’t be able to pay their rent themselves.

Your DD is not making sense anyway- even if they saved their rent and lived rent -free , how long would it take to save a deposit if they could save £800 a month?

How much house deposit is needed in your town for a 2-bed house or flat?

I'd hazard a guess at least £20K plus legal fees.

@Allthenameshavegone1972

I’m with the others… something isn’t adding up. Have you seen their actual budget and monthly spending? You would have a right to as you have a financial stake in the matter.

That really is the first step. Then everyone would be able to see what they are dealing with. If they are borrowing money for rent then something is very wrong with their budget. That should be one of the first things covered.

I think that their rent is pretty cheap. My partner and I are paying 1400 a month for a 2 bed, we’ve recently had a baby so we’ve decided to move into my father’s house and save for a deposit, it’s the best way. I think you should discuss with your daughter and her fiance that you need to slow down and it isn’t fair on you. As harsh as it sounds, they got themselves into the mess of renting and they need to get themselves out of it.

I wonder how much they are paying for their car loans. Their rent isn't high between two people both working. They have no business trying to scrounge of relatives.

@mitogoshigg what are you on about?? I've never put those figures down! Agree with pp, you're getting me mixed up with someone else, jeez 🙄

I also don’t think they have any business buying at this point as they wouldn’t be able to afford or budget for the expenses they would be responsible for. Renting is the best thing for them.

I’m also wondering what they are spending their money on, as in paper, if they were earning minimum wage, they shoujj k don’t be struggling that much. Not saying it’s easy - no luxurious holidays, but they should be able to cope.

I recommend the couple to download the MSE budget planner, to work out where their finances are going. It’s a horrible exercise to go, but necesssry if they’re not coping. Something is going wrong somewhere.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Car payments can be very high especially two in one household.
Buying second hand outright ended up being the better option for us. Saved us a small fortune .
They must have more outgoings then you are aware of

@Snowmanscarf Those are not the REAL figures.

A poster made them up.

She ought to ask for the post to be removed.

I was already to agree with you until you said two full time workers (even at minimum wage), no childcare and low rent they should easily be able to manage. Many have far less disposable income.
You said a half hour commute? How far is that? If their jobs are so badly paid it should be easy to find closer or ones that line up to allow only one car. I hated it but spent years taking DH to work for 7am and picking him up on my way home, so we could manage with just one. Other jobs DH cycled in anything but the worst weather, later getting an electric bike.

I was prepared to say YANBU because I’m drowning in bills right now, but £860 isn’t a lot for a double income, that doesn’t even get you a studio flat where I live. Did they not save money while living with in-laws? How can it not be affordable to them if they’re both working FT? Something isn’t adding up.

I think you need to sit down with them and go over their finances. 2 adults working should not be struggling to pay that level of rent

Is this not their responsibility? I am horrified at the cost of things though.

@AliceSpringsEverywhere i was using the estimated minimum wage income, early in the thread, not the invented breakdown of figures towards the end.

But if they were living with in-laws with no rent and no car loans they should have been saving over £1k per month compared to now. So couldn’t they have spent that money on cars if not being used for a deposit rather than taking out expensive loans?
You say both need cars for work but would it be possible to share a car and cycle or use public transport for the days each doesn’t have the car?

I don’t love car payments, but I don’t hate the idea of them as cars are crazy expensive. My DH and I have a rule that no more than one car payment at a time. (We currently have none and haven’t for years). It means driving a car into the ground but with regular maintenance that takes a shockingly long time these days. Mine is in great shape and over 10 years old with no sign of giving up.

What are they spending on? Clothes? Takeaways? Nights Out?

So where is the money going?

OK, the car loans may be necessary but many people pay double that in rent plus double that in child care every month. At 40 hours a week at minimum wage, they should be making £900 a week between them. OK, that’s before tax / NI but they should easily be able to afford rent, bills and car loans and have money left over.

Agree. It's surprising how much and how quickly thing like take-aways destroy your budget! Lots of people have 2 or 3 every week. Not saying they do, just that it's easy to spend lots on them without really realising.

There rent in the grand scale of things isn't to high if the are both working full time with no childcare costs.

Being harsh this sounds like a spending issue rather than an income issue. There combined incomes after tax are easily £3000 minimum.

Unfortunately the majority of people I have met whose families continue to financially support them well into adulthood and when they become parents tend to poorer spending habits because they have a financial safety net.

They don't need to have nights out etc to be over spending. It could be takeaways, lots of little inexpensive treats that add up, new clothes for the DC that they don't need and days out they can't really afford. Car loans that are higher than they can really afford are a huge issue for many people to.

Its not your responsibility to continue to work full time to financially help your fault child so please do what you need for you. Let them be crowns up.

Op, it's good that you and your daughter's in-laws are helping out. That's what we, as parents, do. It's nor forever. In a few years they will be solvent

I disagree that "in a few years they will be solvent". What are you basing that on?

The reality is that they are both working jobs with fairly low salaries. That might change in the future, but then again it might not. Many people go their entire working lives on very modest wages. The COL will continue to rise. If they can't manage a reasonable rent payment now there's no reason to think their finances will massively improve over the next few years.

How long should parents finance their adult children's lives?

This is bound to be an unpopular opinion, but perhaps deciding to start a family when you can't even manage a reasonable rent wasn't the most mature thing to do. This sounds like a couple who aren't ready yet to assume adult responsibilities regardless of their actual age.

Doing exactly what you want and just "hoping for the best" is not a reasonable life strategy.