How are people managing to pay the bills in this shit show

[Allthenameshavegone1972]

My daughter, fiance & dgs moved into their small, rented house nearly 3 years ago. Finding it a big struggle every month with the rent being £860. We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.
I've found out her fiance has asked to borrow money for rent from his mum & for the second time my daughter has asked to borrow as he has not had the overtime. They obviously can't afford it. Both trying to get pay rises but it's hard in this day & age.
At the grand old age of 60 I was hoping to take a break from my office job, which I hate, for a few months and then go temping or work part time. We can afford for me to do that. If, on the other hand, I'm working full time then we can afford to be guarantors for their rent. Cant win either way!
She wishes theyd never rented now. They were living with her inlaws who have the space for them. She wishes she'd saved that rental money for a deposit instead. Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent. At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent. We're not going to be in the best of health to work forever as we get older.
My dd is despairing, saying that she can't see life getting any better. I agree, unless us parents die relatively young without needing a care home and they inherit from us.
This shit show of a housing & col crisis is at breaking point, something had to be done, but I don't know what! 😡😡

Do you know how usernames work? People can type any numbers they want, it doesn’t actually have to correlate to anything….

It's also so easy to overspend on these small luxuries and not realise how much they add up to

When each spend is less than £10-15 it's easy to think that's not much ... but do it a couple of times a week and soon adds up!

I used to get a meal deal from the shop on lunch breaks, and usually grab something else at the same time. Each time was maybe about £5, which didn't feel much - but could easily get to £100-150 over a month if also add in the magazine, or extra treat etc

Actually, their first priority should be their rent , which they can easily pay as now you know their incomes . Next comes food , utilities, cars , and so forth . I believe they can pay all these quite easily on their incomes . So you are not actually helping them pay their rent , you are effectively helping them waste money on things they don’t need and cant afford. Don’t give them anymore .

Yeah, I'm aware that the reason my mortgage is currently low is because I'm still in a fix period,it will obviously go up when that ends.

You're missing the point that my mortgage would have to quadruple to cost the equivalent in rent.

And you’re missing the point that for £300 monthly repayments it’s likely that your mortgage amount is very small compared to the value of your house. If op’s daughter bought your house then as first time buyers they’d have a big mortgage - the entire house value minus a (likely small) deposit so the repayments would be much more in line with the rental value, in the first few years at least.

The problem with this is, if the OP's daughter and son in law don't figure out where the money is going and learn to budget and save, I can see a situation where the OP offers deposit money and then later on the couple are still asking for help to make the mortgage payments.

@85pinkballoons in theory I wish I could offer a deposit, but that ain't happening. You do it for one child and you have to do it for them all. We're in the fortunate position where I can be semi-retired at 60, but do not have the kind of money to finance our children's deposits!
And no matter how good they are at budgeting, no matter how high their salaries would be, we would not be using our house as a help with deposit for them. I'm sure there is a way to do that, but it's a recipe for disaster. The only way they'll receive cash like that is if we're lucky enough not to go into a home & they're lucky enough to inherit. What happens then is out of our control as we'll be 10 feet under

I understand, and of course, I agree it wouldn't be fair to offer a deposit to one (even if you could afford it) and not the others.

I think you should continue with your plan to cut down to part-time work and relax and enjoy life now. Don't continue to work full-time to help them. They have a fairly ok income given their low rent and lack of childcare costs so they have to figure out where they're frittering away money.

For me, it helps to work out at the beginning of the year what my outgoings are going to be e.g I'll need x amount for car expenses ( covering tax, insurance, mot, fuel, service and extra for repairs), x amount for heat and electricity etc etc. I put money aside to save each week or month to cover all the essentials, using a budgeting app. So, by the time certain expenses are due, I already have the money saved and set aside to cover the bill. I took a close look at my food bill and cut down on expensive brands and unnecessary rubbish food. With whatever's left after setting money aside for the essentials, I put some into savings, and the remainder is treat/ spending money. That works for me, hopefully something similar will work for your daughter and son in law.

@Allthenameshavegone1972 have you spoken to your dd and sil about thwir finances yet? Tell them to go through their belongings and sell anything of value, old and not used like kids toys, books, electronics & clothes etc. They need to generate extra cash as well as cutting their expenditure. Anything saved should go towards an emergency fund for lean months & also paying back loans from family.

@85pinkballoons I think they have not budgeted properly for extras like car repairs, Xmas etc even though I've told her what I do. Some of the problem I feel is him getting paid weekly and her monthly. It would be easier if they were both monthly, and you start at exactly the same position on the 1st of the month.
Me giving the figures to her in black & white has opened her eyes & she knows what she's got to do.
As far as the other pp who are claiming they're laughing at me, scamming me, taking me for a ride, we'll they're just sad people with the typical overactive mn imagination who love nothing better than sticking the boot in. I know my own dd & sil & have brought her up to be better than that.

I really don’t see what him getting paid weekly has to do with anything , you know roughly the amount going in per month and you organise any direct debits so that they come out when you know money will have been deposited . It’s not rocket science .

This couple sound completely financially illiterate OP.

At least this thread has made you realise it’s not an economy “shit show” that is resulting in this situation with your DD and her partner

Agree it's more of a budgeting shitshow from a financially illiterate couple than a national economic shitshow.

@Allthenameshavegone1972
my sibling and I had the same upbringing (obviously!) but they have been made bankrupt more than once, I on the other hand have zero debt ( small mortgage).
So it's not always having been brought up 'better than that'

God you just love sticking the boot into them don't you. What you been doing all day, watching the thread for your next opportunity to do this? Tell me, in what way does your constant slating of my dd help, or contribute to this thread??
Just push off, get over it & move on. You're becoming very tiresome now.

Op you have a temper
and you’ve taken this very very personally
it is not your fault and no one is saying it is

I suggested you find out their income
you did
and it shows your belief re the economy “shit show” was the cause…. Was wrong, which ultimately has led to you doing much more digging and now budgeting with them

@TicklishRubyCritic

1. I wouldn't care if anybody did say its my fault - as it's not!
2. I'm not losing my temper with you. In fact I'm very calm. I just think you are one of those annoying little posters who enjoy posting comments that stick the boot in, for fun, cos you've really nothing better to do. You're adding nothing to the thread, except a mild bit of irritation. Grow up & find something better to do with your time 🙄

@JollyViper when I say "better than that" don't mean I've brought her up to never mismanage money, although I've tried my best to instil these values in her.
I'm referring to the fact some pp seem to think she's sitting there, rubbing her hands with glee & plotting how to scam her mother, whilst they do nothing to try and improve the situation. They both have a few more scruples than that.

How bizarre
if you read my messages I have consistently advised
Either way, this thread has probably saved you a shit tonne of money because I doubt you’re going to be freely handing over money again.

all the best

Before I gave them any more money I'd want to sit and look at their accounts .
They need help to budget not handouts . No one needs car finance . That could be as much as their rent!

Glad you are now able to help your DD budget accordingly. As they have a weekly and monthly income it might be a good idea to discuss how they make this workable.
I have two banks , one for everyday spending one for all the monthly bills.
One direct debit each month into the bill account and it runs itself and we don't dip into it .

It might be possible for the monthly wage to cover the bills with a weekly top up. Then start a savings account.

If it helps, I get paid monthly and DP weekly. So all the direct debits come from my account at the beginning of the month, and he pays me weekly, an amount we agree and adjust as and when bills change, is this worth suggesting to them? Works for us.

Car repairs are not an "extra."

Planning for irregular expenses and seasonal purchases is Adulting 101.

I wouldn't be giving money to two adults who cannot be arsed to do so, or account for where the bulk of two salaries is being spent.