Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying ski lessons

101 replies

Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 07:12

So my ex has not managed to book any leave to have our DD 13 for Feb half term. ( agreement is he has half term/ split holidays / some weekends ) . I am working all through half term he contacted me to say that his sister has invited DD to join them on their skiing holiday. Her dad won't go but is paying for holiday.

Ex is now asking me to organise & pay for ski lesson at indoor slope an hour from where we live and to sort out pay for all the clothes & gear. I currently pay £200 a month for horse riding. Just had to pay for roof repairs, poorly dog at vet so bills for that so money tight this month. Skiing is not a holiday I will take her on so it's purely for this break he has organised. I try & take dd on holidays whenever I can & have saved for them . Drive a crap car for this reason use that money for holidays. My ex has only ever taken her away once in 8 years so this is only second time he's had to pay for a holiday for her.

I am single mum work full time for NHS in a band 5 role so not exactly rolling in it ! He pays decent maintenance ( agreed through CSA ) but I pay for all petrol out of that for the drive to meet him half way each time she goes there. ( he lives Essex I moved to Midlands & couldn't afford to stay south when we split as he stayed in the house....we weren't married ) He doesn't pay for any extras so maintenance covers everything.
For context he earns £105 k and is married no other kids so 2 salaries coming in.

AiBU to expect him to pay for gear & lessons ? I am thinking asking that we split the cost but he seems adamant that as he paid for the ski holiday I should pay for the gear & pay & take her for lesson at indoor slopes.

OP posts:
GreenYellowBrown · 01/02/2025 12:08

His responsibility to pay for it. Let’s face it, if she doesn’t have lessons, they can book her into ski school whilst she’s there 🤷‍♀️ Clothes are a bit tougher but remain firm and he’ll crack eventually.

Whenever we take DSS away, everything is provided by us, right down to spending money. Sometimes the ex sends him with spending money but it’s never requested.

TokyoSushi · 01/02/2025 12:08

Ugh, what a pain he is.

If she's excited and wants to got then I'd do what I could to make it happen. I noticed in Aldi yesterday that base layers were reduced even further to a couple of ££, Aldi ski stuff is actually really good. Otherwise Vinted, you could honestly pick up a nice jacket & salopettes for £20/£25 total. Check the weather forecast for where she's going, if there's snow on the ground in the village then snow boots are handy (again Vinted) otherwise sturdy shoes/boots will be fine.

LIZS · 01/02/2025 12:09

Helmets are often hired in resort, with skis boots and poles. A refresher lesson indoors might help get her ready and independent with the gear.However he should at least part fund it.

Natalieland · 01/02/2025 12:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GreenYellowBrown · 01/02/2025 12:12

Also, stop the driving to meet him. He earns 3 times what you do and you’re under no obligation to do this. It doesn’t matter who moved. If he wants to see his child then he needs to foot the bill. If he’s being a dick and won’t change then tell him that the frequency will change from 2 weekly to 4 weekly (or whatever it currently is) He’ll soon change his tune.

iliketobereasonable · 01/02/2025 12:13

There is literally no chance of getting her into the skiing lessons at convenient times, will be fully booked anyway. Check that before you tell him of course! Clothes from vinted for 50-60, all done. I wouldn’t bother with the argument personally.

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:23

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/02/2025 09:33

I’d offer a split- you will get clothing, but if he wants her to have lessons before she goes he pays. (Check she’s getting lessons there!) you expect all equipment hire on holiday to be part of the holiday cost and he covers it.

check if helmet is included in clothing or equipment (are they hiring helmets or taking their own)

clothing wise, mountain warehouse have good deals on at the moment and you can get ski pants and jacket for kids for around £60-70 all in. You will need base layers, mid layers, gloves, ski socks, a warm hat, goggles and possibly helmet.

base layers if you have any sports tops already (running /gym tops ) those are fine, ideally long sleeve. Leggings as well but gym ones not cotton. (These at least can be used for sports through the year). Mid layers are like a fleece top, so you already have one? Not everyone uses mid layers but best to have them for the first days.

also worth putting a shout out amongst friends, we have our grown ski stuff from a school ski trip dc1 went on I’d happily hand over to someone’s child going for a week on the understanding I got it back if dc2 goes on the same trip with school.

That's helpful seeing what items she ll need tbank you. Yes a split would be better if I'm paying for lesson too. Although as other posters said seems a but futile at this late date. Most important is lessons out there .

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 01/02/2025 12:28

Lifelong skier here and my 2 DC have been skiing since they were little. I can tell you that there is zero value in DD going to the indoor ski slopes for a couple of lessons. She will still have to go into beginners class on holidays. I have lots of friends who've tried putting DC into these lessons and they add very little unless you do a regular series of them eg twice a week for a few weeks. A couple of lessons would simply give her the basics of learning how to put ski on and small movements. She'll get that on day 1 lesson at a ski resort.So she may as well just do it on holiday. Your exH is being totally unreasonable.

Whyherewego · 01/02/2025 12:31

Definitely ask around at school for ski stuff as well as look on vinted and Ebay. Ask friends and family too. They may know someone who's got clothes to spare.

LIZS · 01/02/2025 12:37

Frequently see bargain ski gear on local Facebook and ebay at this time of year. Just seen a Trespass jacket for £4!

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:37

GreenYellowBrown · 01/02/2025 12:12

Also, stop the driving to meet him. He earns 3 times what you do and you’re under no obligation to do this. It doesn’t matter who moved. If he wants to see his child then he needs to foot the bill. If he’s being a dick and won’t change then tell him that the frequency will change from 2 weekly to 4 weekly (or whatever it currently is) He’ll soon change his tune.

Exactly! It's 4 times my salary plus a wife salary. No other kids at home. I don't drive all the way we meet halfway so 3 hour round trip for me & him but I pay petrol out of maintenance. Problem is he is crap & doesn't bust a gut to see her so I try & facilitate it as much as poss for her sake. He stopped weekends a while ago & only sporadically books them in now. He is talking under the 52 days for CSA at this rate too. He can be a real dick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:39

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/02/2025 09:36

I can see why you're no longer with him. Absolute cheeky fuckery.

Well said!! Does remind me why I left .....

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:40

LIZS · 01/02/2025 12:37

Frequently see bargain ski gear on local Facebook and ebay at this time of year. Just seen a Trespass jacket for £4!

I'll get on market place thx 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:41

Whyherewego · 01/02/2025 12:28

Lifelong skier here and my 2 DC have been skiing since they were little. I can tell you that there is zero value in DD going to the indoor ski slopes for a couple of lessons. She will still have to go into beginners class on holidays. I have lots of friends who've tried putting DC into these lessons and they add very little unless you do a regular series of them eg twice a week for a few weeks. A couple of lessons would simply give her the basics of learning how to put ski on and small movements. She'll get that on day 1 lesson at a ski resort.So she may as well just do it on holiday. Your exH is being totally unreasonable.

Helpful insight here. Thanks. I think like you said focus needs to be when she gets there for lessons. She has done 3 beginner lessons in 2020 so knows what she learnt then which I hope is like riding a bike !

OP posts:
Iwilladmit · 01/02/2025 12:47

OP - the beginner lessons she had will be irrelevant now. It was too few, too long ago and indoor slopes are no substitute.
Please don’t rely on that.

Iwilladmit · 01/02/2025 12:49

She could not do the skiing equivalent of “riding a bike” four years ago - she could likely do the equivalent of wobble along with stabilisers and she’s now doing the equivalent of riding on the road. Hope the metaphors make sense.
my point is that you need to insist on ski school on the holiday. Otherwise it’s miserable and dangerous.

Natalieland · 01/02/2025 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Poppins21 · 01/02/2025 14:47

arethereanyleftatall · 01/02/2025 07:45

I'm not sure here as I might think about the bigger picture.
Ski-ing holidays are expensive and fab.
The lesson isn't really necessary (she can do that there and one hour isn't going to make much difference) but the clothes are. But you can get them cheap, I'm sure vinted would have them.
So - you know your ex better than we do - if you say no, might he renege on the whole thing and your dd has lost a wonderful opportunity for the sake of £100.

I agree with this - get the ski jacket, ski pants and gloves second hand- kids grow out of them so quickly so often good quality. Invest in a few pairs of good quality thermals and the rest can be hired at the ski resort by exs family. I would not bother with indoor slope lessons.

Poppins21 · 01/02/2025 14:48

Iwilladmit · 01/02/2025 12:49

She could not do the skiing equivalent of “riding a bike” four years ago - she could likely do the equivalent of wobble along with stabilisers and she’s now doing the equivalent of riding on the road. Hope the metaphors make sense.
my point is that you need to insist on ski school on the holiday. Otherwise it’s miserable and dangerous.

Oh yes ski school on the holiday. I just assumed she would be in ski school didn’t cross my mind she wouldn’t be!

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/02/2025 14:49

Re getting stuff second hand, you need to move fast if you are ordering from vinted etc to be certain you get it before she goes and have time to buy replacements if they don’t fit.

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 14:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I do go through CSA but it is 650 based on 52 nights which I'm going to check over next year as don't think he meeting this. He's done everything he could to reduce it special circumstancesfir a variation to cover his fuel ( he gets a fuel card & car through his work !!) but both been refused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 14:56

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/02/2025 14:49

Re getting stuff second hand, you need to move fast if you are ordering from vinted etc to be certain you get it before she goes and have time to buy replacements if they don’t fit.

I know! 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 14:58

Iwilladmit · 01/02/2025 12:49

She could not do the skiing equivalent of “riding a bike” four years ago - she could likely do the equivalent of wobble along with stabilisers and she’s now doing the equivalent of riding on the road. Hope the metaphors make sense.
my point is that you need to insist on ski school on the holiday. Otherwise it’s miserable and dangerous.

Reading these posts have made me realise she really can't go unless she has lessons whils on holidqy not relying on the ones here. I think her aunt is a very high level so having my DD will really hinder their skiing too.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 01/02/2025 18:24

Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 14:58

Reading these posts have made me realise she really can't go unless she has lessons whils on holidqy not relying on the ones here. I think her aunt is a very high level so having my DD will really hinder their skiing too.

Edited
Show quote history

The aunt will absolutely know that DD needs lessons then.

OhamIreally · 02/02/2025 10:51

I would leave it entirely up to him. You are raising your child and carry all the mental load. You clearly care about your child and pay for riding lessons and holidays.

Are you asking your ex to buy horse riding gear or take her to swimming lessons so that she's equipped to go on the holidays you have arranged and booked?

He is palming all the tasks that fall to him on to you and his sister.

All the people here talking about boots and Vinted are missing the point. Just tell him it's his time and you're sure he'll get it sorted. Say it on repeat.