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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying ski lessons

101 replies

Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 07:12

So my ex has not managed to book any leave to have our DD 13 for Feb half term. ( agreement is he has half term/ split holidays / some weekends ) . I am working all through half term he contacted me to say that his sister has invited DD to join them on their skiing holiday. Her dad won't go but is paying for holiday.

Ex is now asking me to organise & pay for ski lesson at indoor slope an hour from where we live and to sort out pay for all the clothes & gear. I currently pay £200 a month for horse riding. Just had to pay for roof repairs, poorly dog at vet so bills for that so money tight this month. Skiing is not a holiday I will take her on so it's purely for this break he has organised. I try & take dd on holidays whenever I can & have saved for them . Drive a crap car for this reason use that money for holidays. My ex has only ever taken her away once in 8 years so this is only second time he's had to pay for a holiday for her.

I am single mum work full time for NHS in a band 5 role so not exactly rolling in it ! He pays decent maintenance ( agreed through CSA ) but I pay for all petrol out of that for the drive to meet him half way each time she goes there. ( he lives Essex I moved to Midlands & couldn't afford to stay south when we split as he stayed in the house....we weren't married ) He doesn't pay for any extras so maintenance covers everything.
For context he earns £105 k and is married no other kids so 2 salaries coming in.

AiBU to expect him to pay for gear & lessons ? I am thinking asking that we split the cost but he seems adamant that as he paid for the ski holiday I should pay for the gear & pay & take her for lesson at indoor slopes.

OP posts:
LIZS · 01/02/2025 10:51

What's your relationship like with his sister? Might they have outgrown kit? Decathlon , Dare2be Trespass do inexpensive kit and use any sport base layers and fleece.

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:27

TunnocksOrDeath · 01/02/2025 10:51

Who is booking and paying for ski school when she's out there?
She can't go out there with a family who already ski and spend the days with them, unless one of the adults is very competent, very sensible, and willing to give up their holiday to teach her the fundamentals on the baby slopes.
Is DD's dad expecting that a few lessons on an indoor slope in the UK will be enough for her to ski with her aunt's family ? That's not very realistic.

This is what I am trying to find out. I don't really speak to his sister normally but I've asked for her number as like posters have said I need to know if she's booked in for lessons out there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:29

TunnocksOrDeath · 01/02/2025 10:51

Who is booking and paying for ski school when she's out there?
She can't go out there with a family who already ski and spend the days with them, unless one of the adults is very competent, very sensible, and willing to give up their holiday to teach her the fundamentals on the baby slopes.
Is DD's dad expecting that a few lessons on an indoor slope in the UK will be enough for her to ski with her aunt's family ? That's not very realistic.

Yes he seems to think this be enough. 4 years ago we were due to go skiing & she had 3 lessons so does know the basics but I think she needs lessons ski school while she out there. Her aunt skis well & her cousin is 8 also skis well

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:32

MinnieBalloon · 01/02/2025 07:42

I would just tell him no. If he wants her to go on this holiday then be organises and pays for everything to do with it.

I just think he organised it he pays. He has totally sprung it on me 2 weeks before the holiday. He has actually texted me saying " I'm not asking you to go half's on the holiday merely asking for some assistance in getting her up a decent level before she goes " ?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:34

crumpet · 01/02/2025 10:03

A really important question is whether the holiday includes a week of ski school? Or is your dd expected to be free skiing wherever the family goes from day 1?

if the latter then it is dangerous. If this is her first time then she needs a week of ski school.

Yes I need to find out re lessons out there. She does know some basics as had 3 lessons indoor 4 years ago

OP posts:
Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:35

Hi how old / size is your DD my girls are both slalom racers so I can have a scout round see if I can donate anything.

Natalieland · 01/02/2025 11:35

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Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:36

MimiGC · 01/02/2025 10:46

Am I reading this right? Your daughter doesn't get very much time with her dad as it is, but he is planning a half term holiday for her without him being there? Unless she's absolutely always dreamed of a skiing trip and this is her only chance, I think that's mean of him and would tell him so.

Yep exactly that!

OP posts:
Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:36

And please make sure she has a helmet - I have some that have never had a crash again can look when I know she / size

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:36

Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:36

And please make sure she has a helmet - I have some that have never had a crash again can look when I know she / size

Absolutely she will have a helmet.

OP posts:
Natalieland · 01/02/2025 11:38

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Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:39

Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:36

Absolutely she will have a helmet.

Show quote history

Sorry misunderstood that you said you have a helmet?

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:40

Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:35

Hi how old / size is your DD my girls are both slalom racers so I can have a scout round see if I can donate anything.

Ah that's so kind. Thank you. She is 5 foot 4 and 13. Head size I can check.

OP posts:
Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:42

We are out now but will have a scout around when get back Monday

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:46

AuntieBsBramble · 01/02/2025 07:52

Oh I can see that is a difficult expense to meet but I can also see from his point of view. That you share DD and costs for her, he is paying CS.

It sucks he is dictating not discussing but I suspect trying to work out lots of things when you are separated is difficult.

So starting with DD - does she want to go? And if she does how do you want to help her go?

For a one-off ski trip you/ she can probably borrow all the kit. Ask around.

It is useful to have got basics under your belt before you go - can you do arrangements and get her there if he pays.

You suggested splitting costs maybe do that - or are their Grandparents who might pay or give her a lesson as early birthday present?

Yes she very excited to go. I'd think paying half each for the lesson is fair but he doesn't agree. Keeps saying how he can't afford it & has had to put £2000 on credit card for holiday. How he'd like a holiday himself but can't afford it. For one month I can use the maintenance to pay for lesson. He's asked that she use her savings to buy the clothes if I won't.

OP posts:
Natalieland · 01/02/2025 11:47

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Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:56

Huskytrot · 01/02/2025 10:27

You need to check she's definitely booked into beginner lessons on the holiday.

It would surprise me if any spaces left in group lessons at this late notice. But it would be very dangerous for her to go with no experience and just try tagging along with her aunt & cousins.

No need for indoor lesson here, they're rubbish anyway. Clothes can come from Vinted but yes her dad should pay. I suspect it's the hassle he is trying to avoid not the cost so maybe just ask him for the cash and then you sort it out to make sure she gets something she likes.

Also I would speak to the sister directly about her plans. Skiing is amazing but can be dangerous and you need to be sure she'll be cared for.

Yes I definitely need to find out if she booked lesson out there.

OP posts:
AuntieBsBramble · 01/02/2025 11:58

Oh dear - the more I read the more it sounds like he is being unrealistic. It doesn't sound like it will be much of a holiday for DD if both aunt and cousin - who also a very different age to her -already ski well. Have you any idea how aunt sees this holiday working?

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:59

Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 11:56

Yes I definitely need to find out if she booked lesson out there.

Show quote history

He lives 3 hours away so I understand it being me sorting the gear just thought he'd be helping towards it. I'll look Vinted now too. Friend of mine might have old stuff but not sure re sizing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:00

AuntieBsBramble · 01/02/2025 11:58

Oh dear - the more I read the more it sounds like he is being unrealistic. It doesn't sound like it will be much of a holiday for DD if both aunt and cousin - who also a very different age to her -already ski well. Have you any idea how aunt sees this holiday working?

I know that's my worry. Just need to speak direct with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:00

Skihound · 01/02/2025 11:42

We are out now but will have a scout around when get back Monday

Thanks so much. V kind

OP posts:
Havanananana · 01/02/2025 12:02

The issue about the indoor ski lesson is easy - the indoor lessons will all be sold out this close to the main holiday season, so you won't be able to book her in. Anyway, half term is what, 7-14 days away, and one one-hour indoor lesson is going to make no difference whatsoever to her abilities.

She absolutely must go to ski school once they're in the resort. Whoever is organising the trip needs to book this now, today, as half-term lessons get fully booked before people arrive in the resort. Group lessons are fun and actually not too expensive. Expecting her to tag along with the rest of the family who can already ski is dangerous and a recipe for disaster, particularly as she has never been on a mountain (which is very different to the indoor slopes).

Some nice people have already offered to help with clothing. This is the best route to go if you can. Ask around amongst school mums, work colleagues etc. as there are cupboards and drawers full of kids' ski clothing that has only been worn once before the children grew out of it. The ski rental shop will have helmets for hire - they're compulsory in most resorts for children.

Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:03

Timetochillnow · 01/02/2025 09:13

He’s using the holiday to cover his obligations to have her at half term so I think he’s unreasonable to ask you to pay for lessons and kit but it’s reasonable given the time frame that you organise it as she lives with you.
See what she can borrow or use Vinted.
dont go overboard you either love or hate skiing so she may never want to go again!

a couple of lessons will make the start of the holiday easier for her as just being familiar with getting the fit right for boots (without a mad rush in the hire shop with a huge queue behind you) handling skis, and getting herself up from the ground is a good start

Is your daughter looking forward to the holiday?

Yes very excited bless her. I'm just worried about it tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malshimummy48 · 01/02/2025 12:06

Havanananana · 01/02/2025 12:02

The issue about the indoor ski lesson is easy - the indoor lessons will all be sold out this close to the main holiday season, so you won't be able to book her in. Anyway, half term is what, 7-14 days away, and one one-hour indoor lesson is going to make no difference whatsoever to her abilities.

She absolutely must go to ski school once they're in the resort. Whoever is organising the trip needs to book this now, today, as half-term lessons get fully booked before people arrive in the resort. Group lessons are fun and actually not too expensive. Expecting her to tag along with the rest of the family who can already ski is dangerous and a recipe for disaster, particularly as she has never been on a mountain (which is very different to the indoor slopes).

Some nice people have already offered to help with clothing. This is the best route to go if you can. Ask around amongst school mums, work colleagues etc. as there are cupboards and drawers full of kids' ski clothing that has only been worn once before the children grew out of it. The ski rental shop will have helmets for hire - they're compulsory in most resorts for children.

Thank you. There is one 2 hour slot free next weekend but like you say not going to make huge difference anyway. I am just going to insist she has lessons over there & that needs sorted ASAP to ensure she can get in. Like you say an indoor slope very different experience anyway. She can be anxious too.

Yes the lovely offers of donations are massive help & I'll ask friends school mums etc look vinted. Helmet is obligatory anyway.

OP posts:
mismomary · 01/02/2025 12:06

I'd say no to the ski lesson - too far from home and of no major benefit to have one lesson before holiday.

But ski clothes.... I'd consider trying to organise this. Look at Vinted - there will be lots of decent gear. Or can you borrow from someone?

Make sure that DH is paying for the entire holiday including food, lessons, ski hire etc.