To tell her the truth?

[Noliestold]

I had a casual fling with a man for 2 years. We had a great time but for certain reasons, it was never serious.

Now he’s met the love of his life. Our paths cross a lot and she’s wonderful. I’m (genuinely) thrilled for him. I also have a lovely partner too and the four of us have been at the same gatherings a few times.

She’s just sent me a message saying that she had a feeling we’d had history, but he’d denied it, and to please tell her the truth. I had no idea he hadn’t told her previously. My partner knows everything about my dating history so I assumed it was the same for everyone.

I have no idea what to do. None. I really really like this lady. More than I like him, honestly. My instinct is towards female solidarity but I imagine that’ll cause mayhem between them.

Any advice would be so appreciated. My current idea is to leave the country and change my name.

Ah, what a pity it turned out that way. Not your fault though.

I think you've all behaved a bit strangely. You said you had all spent time together as a foursome. I would have thought that during that time it would have naturally come up in conversation that you and he dated previously. The fact she picked up something enough to suspect you had history suggests that maybe there was a shared in-joke or a story that didn't make sense perhaps.

I'd meet her for coffee and tell her everything.

I'm not a big fan of hiding things.
You did nothing wrong. You've nothing to hide.

How he chooses to handle his side of things is up to him. The fact that he's chosen an outright lie speaks volumes about him.

Edit... Just saw your update. Ah well. That's the end of that then.

Avoid them both from now on. They both seem unhinged.

She wants to stay with him so she is blaming you for the relationship and for lying to her even though you have done absolutely nothing wrong. It was his responsibility to tell her and he denied it and denied it. It doesn't make sense to anyone else except her that you should be blamed now. I reckon your old boyfriend will accept you getting the blame because it means he's in the clear.

Nothing at all! We’ve been at the same parties etc but I’ve barely spoken to him, we’ve just said hi and bye. I’ve always chatted much more to her.

There is nothing she’d have spotted between us or heard us talk about that would give her any idea. We were very casual and there’s nothing but friendship.

She’s a crackpot. You’ve dodged a massive bullet there. Now at least you know what it would have been like if you’d become long-term friends!

Maybe he should have told her in the first place, but based on this reaction, you can perhaps see why he didn’t. Maybe he correctly predicted how she'd react.

Yes 100% this

This X 100

Tell her it was years ago

She is a crackpot!

You're well shot.

Some people just like drama in their lives, and she's clearly one of them. They don't really think or care about the consequences when they lash out.

I would assume that she's interrogated him, he felt uncomfortable so lied. She then tries to drag you into it, which is well out of order. She keeps nagging him, he tells her the truth, amd she lashes out at you. Not your circus. Just see her for what she is and move on.

It all sounds so blooming juvenile. Op, you don’t have to tell her anything. Just text back and tell her she’s being inappropriate and there’s no conversation to be had.

I would message back to say personally I would not care one jot if one of my husband's ex flings (who is now married) was nice to me because I'm not a fucking 14 year old who can't handle anyone other than myself being the centre of the fucking universe. I have the maturity to understand that people have had past relationships and they can remain friendly and for it to mean nothing. Enjoy being bat shit crazy.