To feel that I have to compete with younger women?

[LastHope30Something]

Ever feel like that? Yes I’m still kinda young (early 30’s) but when I’m out I feel I have to compete with women 10 years younger than me to be accepted and be taken for younger than I am and to recreate my youth

Telling your in-laws that a man was giving you attention and took a lovely photo of you is…odd?

It's true, youth brings more opportunities. It's the wise person who capitalises on them while they're young.

No point dwelling now on missed opportunities.

From your updates this isn't really about your age at all op. You are unhappy with the life your in and how you ended up there and you are seeing some younger women having an easier time than you or perhaps having more freedom and you are envious of that.

It is entirely within your power to take back control of your life and start making choices that make you feel good about yourself, whether that's gaining qualifications and seeking out a career, leaving your husband and seeking out new relationships etc. However, what is painfully clear to everyone is that you probably need some therapy to process your past and build enough confidence to be in charge of your future.

What on earth is "social media success"?

We’re all being sold a story about youth that isn’t true.I remember a strange fear as I moved through my 30s, I also remember feeling ancient at 25! Now I’m in my late 40s I can honestly say I would t go back. I would, however, like to keep my fresh face at 34/35 though.😉 My 30s were the best!

Instead of focusing on vanishing youth try focusing on new confidence and power as you live a true life. Accepting that everything changes is our main life lesson and in that comes wisdom and true happiness… until peri menopause hits!

Seriously though, focus less on the outside and look to the inside. Stay off Instagram and all of those platforms that encourage vanity. You can look beautiful without looking young! Roald Dahl said,
‘If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’ Enjoy your life! It’s over in the blink of an eye!

Early 30s? You are a young woman, literally in your prime. Just enjoy it.

I'm 40 and have never felt hotter or sexier; I'm also knowledgeable and experienced in my career; and I feel more comfortable in myself and know what I want from life. So no, sorry, I can't relate.

Crispin! 😂

Nope. Never felt this. Work on your low self esteem.

Sounds like you are conflating your controlling, strict upbringing (with not much freedom?) with youth / freedom.

Not sure you 'compete' with the fact that other women appear to have more agency than you.
In a pp you made a list - career, social media, travel........ Pick one and work on it eg a trip somewhere.

Also comparing the 'freedom' of childless people when you have DC to look after is futile - they will definitely have more time than you to do stuff they want to do

This was my thought too.

OP you are still young yourself, you have things lots of younger women would love I’m sure - marriage and a baby.

I’ve never felt the need to compare myself to younger women and I don’t think it’s particularly usual. Therapy sounds like a good idea or couple counselling if you’re feeling like your DH doesn’t ‘see’ you

My life at almosf 38 is indefinitely better than my life at 23, so I don't feel like this at all.

Social media success????
WTF have I just read …

Well, it's true that younger people have more life ahead of them. Younger people look younger. That is not unfair.

Make the most of your time on Earth, live every minute like you want to. Steer your own destiny.
You might live to stay healthy until you are one hundred!

No. That is a you problem.

You will get a load of deliberately 'not understanding what you are competing for' posts from our lovely politically correct MN-ers.
Yes, you are right. Unfortunately, this is how biology works, biology is cruel beyond belief and no amount of layering of 'age is just a number' will change that.

Social media success?!

It sounds like your relationship is shit? You have a crush on your male friend. He complimented you and you are sad you are too old and too married to do anything about it.

You then told your in-laws, of all people, about this man and how he made you feel. They, predictably, didn’t respond positively.

Is that about right?

I think you need some therapy/counselling to help you.

Attention from men, well I assumed op was single!

Op, therapy obviously as others have said. Sounds like you are looking for validation externally rather than it coming from inside you, very typical of people with problematic childhoods which I think is what you are saying or if love has been conditional on your behaviour. Why, in your 30's would your parents even know who you were talking to at a party to have an opinion, unless they were there? But if they are controlling take a step away. But if you are married and you described what happened they probably wonder why you are doing that when you are married?

That is exactly what I was going to post! 🤣

OP, don't you know that youth is wasted on the young?

You are still young. Not teenage young or 21 young, no, but in the grand scheme of your life, you are young.

You can't change the past and, no, there is no do over but what you can do is decide to live now the way you think you should have done them.

I went to university for a second time at 26 and did my masters at 31. My career didn't even start until then.

I physically looked my best and was living my best life between 37 and now (I'm 50). My life 30s and beyond has been far better than my 20s and teens.

But I really would stop striving for social media success because that's actually meaningless.

You lost me at social media success.

Honestly, OP, if I could go back and relive any period of life again just for the sheer joy of it, I'd choose 37 - 40. Not my 20s.

I agree with the therapy suggestion
The last thing you want to do is spend the next 10 years dwelling on this and looking back because all that will happen then is that you'll get to 40 and look at all those 30somethings and regret you wasted those years too.

This is such a sad post… “social media success”??! Is this what people aspire to now 🙈

You’re wasting your youth OP. If you’ve got a loving husband and healthy child, you’re already “winning”. Plenty of people don’t have either of those things.

I’m 45 and look better than I ever have. I dress well, feel strong and healthy, I’ve found a style that works (and started having Botox in my 11’s 😂).

There’s something amazing about knowing yourself well, being respected from a career perspective and feeling entirely comfortable and empowered. I don’t give any shits what anyone else thinks.

It helps now my DC are more independent (little one now 7), so it’s night and day on being constantly exhausted and touched out.

I love my current age!! I hope you find some peace and acceptance of yourself!!

Do younger people say kinda?
There's been a few gotta's and wanna's here lately, and what with Priti's loss of 'g' on her words, I'm wondering if those of us over 30 need to get a duolingo app to learn this new language?

Yes youth is more valued

Wait til you hit 60 and are expected to kill yourself to release inheritance rather than be a burden on society taking your pension or using the NHS

And by wanting to recreated your youth and people to see you as younger you support this - making the problem worse

Embrace who you are now , the things you have learnt ,

Absolutely not, I'm 39 and my dd is 20 so I don't know if that is why but I never feel I need to compete with any women ever, never mind younger ones.