To feel that I have to compete with younger women?

[LastHope30Something]

Ever feel like that? Yes I’m still kinda young (early 30’s) but when I’m out I feel I have to compete with women 10 years younger than me to be accepted and be taken for younger than I am and to recreate my youth

You sound bloody hard work.

You've posted 3 threads on the same topic tonight. As you've been told, you need to get some therapy.

Exactly this! I've never been so aware of being desired than I am now in 40. I think confidence covers all multitude of things society may have us perceive as 'flaws'.

I've also never been happier than since I stopped caring what people think and started wearing whatever I wanted to; not worrying if it was 'too much' or if I'd be 'overdressed'.

If highly recommend a good psychodynamoc therapist to work through the root of these issues, and help you create new thoughts processes to disrupt the unhealthy ones that are currently happening.

You're worthy, honey.

I get what you mean, OP. However; I grew up in the 90s and I’m so glad I don’t have to do the whole lip filler and content bollocks… if anything I’m quite relieved I don’t have that pressure that exists now even though I went through the acceptable abuse of the time, I’m glad I can just cut through the love island bollocks and not give a shit.

It sounds like maybe you are sad about opportunities you didn't get at that age? It's normal and okay to feel sadness and loss about things we missed in our lives. You can also think of feelings as prompts to ask what you want for yourself now? You are still young and people can make changes in their lives if they are determined enough!

You have a nice husband and a child. You're winning, what are you competing with?

Once you get to a certain age, you'll likely get past that feeling. I'm mid forties now, and work/occasionally socialise with women younger than me - that are far more glam and beautiful. I don't feel the need to compete and am simply content that I am who I am, and I'm glad they have their lives and the choices they have. You're still young, hopefully still fit, and hopefully still have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Don't spoil it by constantly comparing yourself to others. Just be you, and proud of you.

I think you probably spend a lot of time on social media the fact the easiest term success in relationship to it demonstrates this.
Come off it is a soul destroyer. Best thing I ever did was dump Facebook and Instagram it's a load of utter bollocks. It never makes you feel better about yourself only worse.

Part of life is coming to terms with the doors that slowly close to you as you go along and the choices you no longer have - even my dad, a 60 something man, looks back and thinks what if he had done something differently. And it's true that sometimes our choices and circumstances close things off to us forever. I'm never going to be a vet with a husband called Crispin like I imagined as a child, and God knows my younger self would probably go 'is that it?' if they found out what i do for a living.

In that regard, it's easy to be envious of those who have it all still in front of them, but they also DON'T have so much. I think about how naive and inexperienced i was and wish I had the chance to do certain events all over again with the benefit of who I am now. Ultimately, your mistakes may be behind you, but they definitely have them all still to come. The one absolute truth is that at one point you feel young and invincible and like people ten years older are past it, and then in a blink of an eye, you are them, and you realise none of it's true, and when you were younger you had no idea what you were talking about.

I don't see your need to compete with anyone, you're your own person. Concentrate on that! Craving social media success is very shallow if you ask me! Very odd post!

Pah! I'm 46 - have always been slim, tried to dress well, hair done, natural make-up etc, so never felt the need to compare - and I'm probably more youthful now than I ever was in my 20s and 30s! The main difference between then and now is that I give fewer fucks... Honestly, it takes YEARS off you! 😂😂

Jobs and career development, in many cases..

Then it's old men you should be competing with.

Nope. Never.

I actually feel far more secure as an almost 40yo woman than I did in my 20’s. I’m not nearly as self conscious or worried and whilst I don’t look as good as I did then I feel good. I wish I hadn’t wasted my years fretting when I looked awesome!

😂😂😂

Love this response.

Thats another thing about getting older - you realise just how mediocre and meh so many men are, I feel quite embarrassed that I used to vye so hard for the attention of blokes who weren’t fit to shine my shoes.

I hope its Bobby pins. Or bookmarks. I have tonnes of those lying around, I’d definitely win a competition

I wouldn’t want to be in my teens or early 20’s right now. It looks horrific. More pressure than ever to achieve the unachievable, high rates of suicide and self harm and MH issues, low self esteem - fuck that noise. I feel sorry for young women I don’t envy them

social.media success? Why do you want that? It's for losers.

OMG @Lentilweaver i am getting this on a t shirt 😂

Embrace your age, in your 30s is a wonderful age, I'm double that and live my age, ny look ,my knowledge through years I have lived, when I was in my 20s looking back, omg the mistakes, trying to be like others why? Because I knew no better , I work with 20yr olds , they live by their looks all have botox yet dont need it, lip fillers false eye lashes and all look the same because they feel if they dontlook the same they won't be excepted, yet they are amazing individuals, live life love who you are ,and once again Embrace who you are.😊

Same, you couldn't pay me to be in my teens or 20s now.

No, one of the joys of reaching my 30s was the realisation that I didn't have to compete with other women like I always thought I had to! Don't like me? Don't like the way I look? Great, it's not for you!

You say you don’t have a career. I do. I am middle management level. You don’t compete with women in their 20s. It is men in their 30s and 40s.

I didn’t have money in my 20s and stayed at backpackers and youth hostel. I only book nicer places now. Middle aged people on average has a higher income. How I travel now is how my 20s self would want to.

I am more valued now than my 20s and 30s. I found my place in my career in my 40s and my opinions are well respected at work. I was insecure until mid 30s.

I don’t care about social media. Maybe you will look back and see how insecure you are.

You sound like you have major self esteem issues

Get off social media. "Social media success" isn't something to aspire to.

Oh and agree with pp. People in their 20s definitely aren't more valued career wise. You get into your mid/late 30s and early 40s and thats when career success really kicks in.

Im 39, ever so slightly overweight mum of 2 and never given less shits about "competing" with the overfilled 25 year olds around me.

It's brilliant, I love it!

It sounds like you have a lot going on emotionally - maybe feel a bit 'stuck' in your life at the moment. I hope you find a way through it, whatever that entails. Comparing yourself to younger women won't help. If you allow that mindset it'll only get worse as you get older and more and more women are younger than you. Age, and relative age to others, is something we simply can't change. The idea that you have to 'compete' is unhealthy and may lead to constant feelings of inadequacy as you go through the next few decades. It's worth trying to find a way not to allow that to happen.