Is this acceptable from school?

[Lilliea]

My son age 6 has some emerging needs. He struggles with focus, sensitive to sounds, sensitive to textures, needs to move all the time, lots of other things. He's being assessed for ADHD and autism. I've been having meetings witha school but its it's a lady who is pastoral care and our family support worker comes with. He's on a plan at school, the one that comes before an EHCP. The pastoral lady is great, said he could bring his ear defenders to school and also use his wobble cushion. I asked him if he used these but he was told he wasn't allowed, but it's being reported back to me that they are 'going well'. When the family support worker met with his teacher, she said they didn't use them because other children try and take them. This hasn't been fed back to me and I thought they were being used. The sendco has been invited to many meetings but she's never there. I've never met her other than at school gates.

Just not sure what to do. He asks for his ear defenders but has to put them away if the other children start acting up 'because they also want them'. This is what teacher said to family support worker.

Not sure why I'm even posting. Could just use some support. Am I asking for too much? He has no behavioural issues. Just his focus and sensory sensitivities.

The Senco in many schools co-ordinates all
The support for children with special needs. They rarely have the time to be at every meeting.

Pastoral support and family worker is normal, especially if he is not on an EHCP.

It sounds like there hasn't been good communication in the school - his headphones and wobble cushion have obviously gone in, and are being used a bit.

Wobble cushions are generally fairly unobtrusive but headphones can lead to other kids asking questions (usually along the lines of that's not fair I want some).

It's just frustrating when you're getting emails from the school saying he's been difficult because he's upset it's too noisy, but they're not using the ear defenders in his bag. I do understand though that it's tricky to manage. Just feel sad that he's struggling with noise all day. He really struggles with it.

I think the teacher should be able to tell the rest of the class the headphones and wobble board are for OP's child and nobody else is to touch them. I have done similar in a Reception class e.g. child can have biscuits snacks because they are diabetic, child needs own table mat and equipment for table activities. It's never been a problem.

Ask for a meeting with the SEND Lead, the class teacher and the Family Support Worker.

Get it put in your child's support plan. These are reasonable adjustments to help your child manage being in a school environment.

The school need to work on how they deal with the other children because your son isn't the 1st nor last child who finds a wobble cushion or ear defenders useful to regulate their sensory needs.

Keep all communication track able- so if you have a conversation with a member of staff face-to-face - email them later to say "thank you for the discussion about xxx earlier today, just to confirm that ...."

Surely all the teacher needs to do is sit the class down and explain that your DS needs to wear the ear defenders for health reasons and that they are not to touch them, in the same way that many children wear glasses and hearing aids, once it's explained to children what they are for they leave them alone. My 5 year old would understand that.

Could you make that suggestion to the school as it seems nobody has thought about it.

This is what family support worker said. I just don't know what is and isn't OK to accept anymore. Feel like my child is just a nuisance to them because he needs more support. He thinks his teachers hate him. It's all just very hard atm.

I agree with @CaptainMyCaptain the kids need to be taught (by teachers AND parents) that some people need different things and that's that.

Unfortunately you only need to read crap on here day after day about the "perks" that go with having additional needs, to know where the kids get this attitude from.

@Lilliea I'd ask the school if the kids who are trying to take your son's possessions/adaptations are also getting letters home about them "being difficult".

Honestly you're just echoing what the support worker said. She said its not good enough but I think I've read so many times about how hard it is for teachers that I'm scared to ask for anything.

That so a joke. There should be reasonable adjutants made to accommodate your son. He should have access to ear defenders and a wobble cushion if they help him to access the curriculum. In theory if the other children are for the most part neurotypical then they should have to learn that your son needs those things and that they shouldn’t take them. It should absolutely not be the responsibility of the person with additional needs to change and adapt just so those without additional needs are accommodated.

As a teacher I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. After all if your child's needs are being met it will ultimately be easier for the teacher. She needs to control the rest of the class.

School sound hopeless OP. If other kids are interfering with his cushion and ear defenders why are they not being assessed too - answer is likely that the school/teacher is poor on class management. They can't all have compliance problems, much more likely staff.

Wobble cushions are generally fairly unobtrusive but headphones can lead to other kids asking questions (usually along the lines of that's not fair I want some).

Ok then. Usually words can sort that kind of thing out- rather than the child who needs them having to cope without/.

It's just come to a shock to me as up until today I thought these things were in place. The school have been acting like they've been helping. They even wrote me a supporting letter saying they are in place, but told support worker they've basically never used them.

They're 6 so year 2? The teacher sounds shit - year 2 should be better behaved than this. I'd request a meeting with the head and ask for him to be moved to another class with a better teacher.

Year 1. So 5 and 6.

Wow, what would the school do if he needed a wheelchair or hearing aid and the other kids wanted to have a go?

Thanks. Needed to hear this. I need to advocate better.

I suggest you email the Senco and cc in the Head and Class teacher then everyone will have it in writing. Insist he has access to the aids he is supposed to have.

Still shit. Get him moved classes at least.

I was about to suggest this. I'm a retired teacher and the class teacher is being ridiculous. Furthermore you've been lied to about the use of the items. It's absolutely unacceptable. It's really pathetic for the class teacher to use the excuse that other children will want them too. Good grief.

Yes, teachers have it tough, but that should never stop you advocating for your son regarding something as reasonable as this.

op I don't think being vocal about your sons needs makes you difficult - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It's not unreasonable for your son to have both his wobble cushion and ear defenders - it is unreasonable to take them away because other children have fomo... when my son was 5 he was adamant it wasn't fair that he didn't have a wheelchair 🫣🤫 doesn't mean I suggested his disabled friend stopped using his!

Thank you. Mumsnet is good for telling you the things you need to hear!

Email the headteacher directly with a list of your concerns, I guarantee you the Senco will magically be available to meet with you.

Definitely insist on meeting the SenCo and possibly the headteacher as well. You’ve been lied to about things that could help your child because the teacher doesn’t want to manage other students behaviour. All they have to do is calmly explain that X needs certain things for medical reasons and no one else is to touch them. Honestly the more I read on here the more grateful I am for my sons SenCo who’s been absolutely brilliant

We had similar at Y1 age - I tried all the nice ways of resolving things and tiny tiny adjustments were still being denied - so in the end I did the letter to the Head who looked into what these adjustments were, commented that I was not asking for anything unduly onerous and I understand the class teacher was heavily spoken to.

Class teacher subsequently hated me and slagged me off to her pet parents - but DD got the equipment she needed to use.