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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this put you off

95 replies

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:08

Seeing someone new for a month. Known him for about 4 years prior. Usually seemed like a calm funny decent gentleman type man.

He stayed over last night, not for the first time. Think it must of been the 4th or 5th.

I noticed since he stayed over he snores. Fair enough, was kinda annoying but I coped. It wasn't too loud.

Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it.

He leaves for work early so got up at 0445. He usually would wake me, hug me, kiss me, but instead just got up and got dressed and went to leave. My front door is one of them doors you need to lock from the inside or anyone can get in, which is why he usually wakes me, he went to leave and I was woken up, and told him he needed to of woken me because my front door needed to be locked. He said he was coming back to wake me, even though he had already gone to the front door and had everything. He then just opened the door and walked out, didn't kiss me bye or anything. I sensed something was wrong.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning" I was calm and said I was woken by snoring which is the reason but I apologise for tossing and turning. He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.

He said he would call me on his lunch.

I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.

Fair enough I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep, we all have nights like that. And people can't help it if they snore. But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells now.

OP posts:
MusicalDoc · 30/01/2025 06:09

Nah, throw this one back in the sea

Hoglet70 · 30/01/2025 06:10

That was uncalled for from him I think and to be that snarky only a month in is definitely offputting. It would be for me, anyway.

VisitationRights · 30/01/2025 06:12

Yes, his behaviour would put me right off him.

Zanatdy · 30/01/2025 06:16

You have said it yourself, if you stay in this relationship it’s only going to get worse. He is showing you who he is, so i’d sit up and take note, and tell him you won’t be seeing him again.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 30/01/2025 06:17

I dont tolerate someone swearing at me. That is so verbally aggressive and he had no right to speak to you like that.
We all know what it is like to be sleep deprived, but as adults we control our words.

I would be seriously concerned about escalation as the relationship progresses.

TinyR3bel · 30/01/2025 06:20

Huge red flag. He has done you a favour showing you who he really is so early on in the relationship. Please just walk away from this now while it’s still early days.

Mummadeze · 30/01/2025 06:23

Sounds like the mask has slipped. Sorry, it must be disappointing but please end it before you get in too deep. It is so easy to make excuses for men’s bad behaviour but if you do, then he will know he can get away with it and there is nothing to stop him being like this again, or being worse.

RickiRaccoon · 30/01/2025 06:23

People are on their best behaviour early on so it's only going to get worse. I don't tolerate swearing and shouting either.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/01/2025 06:24

MusicalDoc · 30/01/2025 06:09

Nah, throw this one back in the sea

This.

Its a month i wouldnt even contemplate letting him "explain"

Calliecarpa · 30/01/2025 06:28

When people show you who they really are, believe them. It's a huge red flag that he's being so aggressive and horrible to you, and swearing at you like that. Vile behaviour, and I wouldn't stand for it. At least he's done it really early on in your relationship, before you're too enmeshed with each other. You really need to end things with him before he gets any worse. I'm so sorry.

FUBAR77 · 30/01/2025 06:29

So he kept you awake all night with his snoring and like a champ you rolled over and accepted it, with Grace, yet apparently you kept him awake all night tossing and turning and he reacts like this? No, he’s one of those that will turn his faults around on you.

Also Im a petty bitch as I’d have had to ask why he was snoring so much if he was awake the whole night 🤪

Bananaram · 30/01/2025 06:33

I would absolutely end things, he's shown you who he really is. There's no way I'd tolerate anyone speaking to me like that. And my dad was a snorer, there's no way I could cope with that every night for the rest of my life!

Completely off topic though, how does your door lock if you're the only one in and need to leave? I'm probably being dense and I know it's not the point but I'm curious 😳

Original poster
Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:38

Bananaram · 30/01/2025 06:33

I would absolutely end things, he's shown you who he really is. There's no way I'd tolerate anyone speaking to me like that. And my dad was a snorer, there's no way I could cope with that every night for the rest of my life!

Completely off topic though, how does your door lock if you're the only one in and need to leave? I'm probably being dense and I know it's not the point but I'm curious 😳

Oh what I meant with the door is, it needs a key to lock the door whichever side I am 😂😂 hopefully that makes sense 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:39

FUBAR77 · 30/01/2025 06:29

So he kept you awake all night with his snoring and like a champ you rolled over and accepted it, with Grace, yet apparently you kept him awake all night tossing and turning and he reacts like this? No, he’s one of those that will turn his faults around on you.

Also Im a petty bitch as I’d have had to ask why he was snoring so much if he was awake the whole night 🤪

Your last sentence made me laugh, thank you for cheering me up 😁😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:44

Thank you everyone for confirming. I genuinely though I was the one that was out of order but thank you for all your comments. I've been sat here in bed since staring into space, you know when something shocks you so much you just freeze! Known him 4 years so this has come to a shock.

I will be telling him at lunchtime when he calls that I don't want to see him again due to how he spoke to me down the phone. That's if he calls. Hopefully he doesn't call 😂😂

OP posts:
Bananaram · 30/01/2025 06:48

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:38

Oh what I meant with the door is, it needs a key to lock the door whichever side I am 😂😂 hopefully that makes sense 😂😂

Show quote history

Oh my, that is so obvious now I think about it!! I am blaming the fact that I haven't had my morning coffee yet! 😭 Glad my stupidity could cheer you up, there are silver linings to me being dense 😊

ohmymyyiaz · 30/01/2025 06:50

You already know the answer to this.

Count your lucky stars it’s only been a month! Best block and forget about the “friendship” too… he’s not right in the head shouting like this to anyone.

Hatemyhair123 · 30/01/2025 06:51

Just text him now and tell him it's over. You don't need to wait for him to phone you.

craigth162 · 30/01/2025 06:52

The snoring would have put me off even before the aggression. Definitely finish things

Copperoliverbear · 30/01/2025 06:54

Get rid of him and don't let him talk you around.

TinyR3bel · 30/01/2025 06:57

Good for you! It’s quite telling he couldn’t even keep his mask on for the first few months, they usually wait until they feel like they have you hooked in before it starts slipping. Suggest he gets tested for sleep apnea and bid him farewell 😂

Costcolover · 30/01/2025 06:57

I wouldn't even speak to him on the phone, I'd text him and tell him it's over and not to contact you again. He sounds dangerous

modernshmodern · 30/01/2025 06:58

Definitely end it. There's no excuse for that behaviour and if you tolerate it now it will continue and potentially get worse. Draw a line and walk away.

MillicentByst4nder · 30/01/2025 06:58

I genuinely though I was the one that was out of order but thank you for all your comments.
This is the most concerning sentence you've written. Perhaps look at doing The Freedom Programme, and take some time to be by yourself before starting another relationship.

Igmum · 30/01/2025 07:03

Yes that's awful, definitely finish it. He's presumably been on best behaviour until now but this is what he does when there are problems/stress.

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