Would this put you off

[Seeingnewman]

Seeing someone new for a month. Known him for about 4 years prior. Usually seemed like a calm funny decent gentleman type man.

He stayed over last night, not for the first time. Think it must of been the 4th or 5th.

I noticed since he stayed over he snores. Fair enough, was kinda annoying but I coped. It wasn't too loud.

Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it.

He leaves for work early so got up at 0445. He usually would wake me, hug me, kiss me, but instead just got up and got dressed and went to leave. My front door is one of them doors you need to lock from the inside or anyone can get in, which is why he usually wakes me, he went to leave and I was woken up, and told him he needed to of woken me because my front door needed to be locked. He said he was coming back to wake me, even though he had already gone to the front door and had everything. He then just opened the door and walked out, didn't kiss me bye or anything. I sensed something was wrong.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning" I was calm and said I was woken by snoring which is the reason but I apologise for tossing and turning. He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.

He said he would call me on his lunch.

I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.

Fair enough I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep, we all have nights like that. And people can't help it if they snore. But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells now.

I would be gone faster than you could blink. WTAF!.

4 years of knowing a person, is not 4 years of 'knowing' a person in many different situations, under different stresses. You can fool some of the people some of the time but when you're in their company for long enough (overnight), the mask can slip.
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"fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning"
Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it. (This would be your life going forward)
He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" (Too many flying fucks. Doesn't give a shit about you.
I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.(He's aggressive, and being tired he couldn't hide it. You do not show aggression, regardless, if you are not the aggressive type. Aggression has to be in you, in order for it to show it's face)
I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? (That's rhetorical question I hope? Or is this the life you want or deserve? Don't think it will get any better, this is the tip of the iceberg).
He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.(No, this is his hidden personality which he manages to hide to get what he wants in life. This is the real him. Do you really want a walking on eggshells life; are you desperate enough to think this is good enough for you... no, of course not. You deserve better. All the time you have someone in your life like this, you may be missing a connection with someone who really is decent and kind.
But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

YOU KNOW the answer to your questions.

If you decide to let him talk you around, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again, blah blah blah', you will be back here in 10 years with regrets saying you've wasted your life on an abusive partner.

This red flag is bigger than an elephant! 🔻Should you choose to ignore it, you will have no one else to blame but yourself, for giving him permission to treat you this way. It's unacceptable for ANY reason.

He doesn't deserve a conversation. Text him. 'Nobody gets to speak to me the way you spoke to me this morning...tired or otherwise. I'm done. Don't contact me again'. And then it's finished.

OP please read this carefully. In the first few months of seeing my exH I did something annoying. Not bad, just annoying like being late for 30 minutes so we couldn't get good seats. I got really aggressive horrible shouting that belittled me and made me cry and feel horrible. He apologised profusely, he was sweet, he was under a lot of stress etc. I forgave him.

That was my red flag. I ignored it. It was the start of a very emotionally abusive relationship (then marriage). It always came out of nowhere, there was always an excuse, I was always partly to blame. My own mum told me "you don't know how to manage him". I spent 7 years managing his emotions. But nothing changed the fact that I was his emotional punch bag. It ruined my 20s.

Hopefully the plaster is ripped off either way OP and he's now in the bin.

But no one should be speaking to you like that, so aggressive and disrespectful.

If you haven't already told him there's some good text suggestions on the thread.

This

Don't give anyone a chance to be so aggressive to you. All the best.

Hello everyone, I thought I would give an update.

He called me about half past 9 on the day in the morning instead of lunchtime when I was in the middle of putting together a message to him in my notes (I did this so he didn't see me typing on WhatsApp and I'd just copy paste) and I told him that I was really taken back by him getting aggressive to me and that he shouldn't of done it. He agreed and apologised. He also claimed he's never gotten aggressive to a woman etc etc. I didn't believe this. I didn't tell him I didn't believe it as I didn't want to be on the phone longer than I needed to be and there's also no point in discussing it with him. He claimed he's got a lot going on and he took it out on me etc etc. In my head again I didn't believe him. I just said okay. I didn't tell him I didn't believe him as I couldn't be dealing with it and I wanted to get straight to the point. I told him we can't see each other and it's best if we don't for the foreseeable as he's got a lot going on. (apparently) I don't believe he's got a lot going on, I genuinely think he's an aggressive man. I haven't seen him since and we've not exactly spoken since. I hope it stays this way, I don't want to anger him as I'm worried what he will do. We have mutual friends too.

Thank you for all your support on the day it happened. I'm still shaken up by it. It's been on my mind a lot. I almost feel heartbroken but I know I will get through it.

Well done op - ypu did the right thing and kept yourself safe xx

If I was in a relationship with someone for years, had a mortgage and kids etc and they had an outburst like that, shouting and being aggressive towards me, I might be confused about what to do next. If someone behaved like that towards me after a month, I would have zero confusion about how to proceed. Bin him off. Not worth investing your time or energy into a relationship with someone so disrespectful.

You’ve handled this brilliantly, OP. You’re absolutely right not to accept his excuses. When he lost his temper he was showing you exactly who he was, and you are very, very sensible to have ended it with him.

Glad to hear you didn't put up with his aggressive behaviour from the get go. It's tragic how many women will.

You deserve a genuine lovely man and I hope you find him soon

Definitely get rid. Imagine that so soon so early... what could he end up like God knows

Well done OP. Great work. 💪🏼

Oh good for you, well done. It must have been so jarring to have him snap like that, especially as you've known him a while prior to dating! Scary how quickly the true colours come out sometimes, but at least they came out before you got too invested.

Yeah, dump him.

Never ever put up with being spoken to like that. Please dump him and block him OP.

Hell no

Excellent update.

Well done x

Well done op and thank you for updating

Just tell him not to bother coming back. This is not going anywhere if he can be that rude so early in the relationship, or prepare yourself to be a doormat.

Saw the update, well done and don't go back.