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Original poster

Would this put you off

95 replies

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:08

Seeing someone new for a month. Known him for about 4 years prior. Usually seemed like a calm funny decent gentleman type man.

He stayed over last night, not for the first time. Think it must of been the 4th or 5th.

I noticed since he stayed over he snores. Fair enough, was kinda annoying but I coped. It wasn't too loud.

Last night it was something else. Really loud. It kept me awake. I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep because of it.

He leaves for work early so got up at 0445. He usually would wake me, hug me, kiss me, but instead just got up and got dressed and went to leave. My front door is one of them doors you need to lock from the inside or anyone can get in, which is why he usually wakes me, he went to leave and I was woken up, and told him he needed to of woken me because my front door needed to be locked. He said he was coming back to wake me, even though he had already gone to the front door and had everything. He then just opened the door and walked out, didn't kiss me bye or anything. I sensed something was wrong.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning" I was calm and said I was woken by snoring which is the reason but I apologise for tossing and turning. He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side" I was shocked at how aggressive he was down the phone. He then proceeded to say he's tired and that's why he's being aggressive. He wouldn't stop shouting and swearing at me down the phone.

He said he would call me on his lunch.

I'm shocked at how verbally aggressive he was down the phone. I need to stop seeing him don't I? He was literally shouting at me down the phone. It was like a light switch had been switched in his personality.

Fair enough I was tossing and turning due to broken sleep, we all have nights like that. And people can't help it if they snore. But my concern is how aggressive he got down the phone. If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I almost feel like I'm walking on egg shells now.

OP posts:
Rattai · 30/01/2025 08:50

God he sounds awful. I hope you do ditch him

WildAquaBiscuit · 30/01/2025 08:56

He will probably try talk you round. Don't fall for it. Once they show their dark side, you know you will see it again. Maybe a month, maybe more, but it's there.

Wheech · 30/01/2025 09:07

If he's like this now after a month how is he going to be after 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's he's going to be like in other situations?

I see from your follow up post that you're intending to end it and for the reason above I think you're spot on. A month in is proper best behaviour territory. I wouldn't block immediately because you know him from before and he knows where to find you, but would text before lunchtime to say you were very taken back by the aggression and don't want to see or speak to him again so please don't call. Then maybe block. Blocking without contact might just enrage him, especially as he's tired from lack of sleep and that seems to give him anger issues.

pimplebum · 30/01/2025 09:12

Don’t be passive waiting for call

text “ I don’t tolerate being sworn at or shouted at , this behaviour has no place in a loving relationship. Also your snoring is unbearable. Good luck in your next relationship “

Onlycoffee · 30/01/2025 09:13

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:44

Thank you everyone for confirming. I genuinely though I was the one that was out of order but thank you for all your comments. I've been sat here in bed since staring into space, you know when something shocks you so much you just freeze! Known him 4 years so this has come to a shock.

I will be telling him at lunchtime when he calls that I don't want to see him again due to how he spoke to me down the phone. That's if he calls. Hopefully he doesn't call 😂😂

No wonder you are in shock, how awful.

Is get in front of it and contact him first telling him not to bother ringing, you don't want to speak to him after the way he spoke to you this morning and you don't want to see hiim again.
Then you can get on with your day without it hanging over you until lunchtime 💐

Americano75 · 30/01/2025 09:15

Oh wow, no. Not OK.

Screamingabdabz · 30/01/2025 09:17

Costcolover · 30/01/2025 06:57

I wouldn't even speak to him on the phone, I'd text him and tell him it's over and not to contact you again. He sounds dangerous

Agree. Just end it sooner rather than later. Nobody would talk to me like that and get a second chance.

Dishwashersaurous · 30/01/2025 09:20

The details are irrelevant. The fact is he aggressively swore at you.

Do you want to be with someone who aggressively swears?

Lottie6712 · 30/01/2025 09:22

It'd be over for me.

bigkidatheart · 30/01/2025 09:27

Sounds like my DH, snores waking me up then moans I toss and turn all night

TunipTheVegimal24 · 30/01/2025 09:28

I don't know - everyone's on their worst behaviour when they're tired. EVEN THOUGH his snoring was the catalyst, he still obviously didn't get much sleep. I wouldn't break up over snappiness after a bad night.

That's just me though, if you have the ick, you don't have to stay with him.

Tortielady · 30/01/2025 09:37

"Dear Bad-Tempered Rat-Bag. We're done. Don't contact me again. And get tested for sleep apnea." Seeing.

Endofyear · 30/01/2025 09:41

Seeingnewman · 30/01/2025 06:44

Thank you everyone for confirming. I genuinely though I was the one that was out of order but thank you for all your comments. I've been sat here in bed since staring into space, you know when something shocks you so much you just freeze! Known him 4 years so this has come to a shock.

I will be telling him at lunchtime when he calls that I don't want to see him again due to how he spoke to me down the phone. That's if he calls. Hopefully he doesn't call 😂😂

Don't sit and wait for his call. Be proactive. Message him and tell him it's over and to never contact you again. If he's behaving like this after only seeing each other a month, it would only get worse - you can't be in a relationship with someone that you feel you've got to walk on eggshells around.

Bingbangboo · 30/01/2025 09:43

He didn't care about you losing sleep due to his snoring and his early wake up time. He loses some sleep on a single occasion and saw red. He wasn't just a bit grumpy by the sound of it, but actually abusive. He also didn't care about your safety when leaving the door unsecured. This isn't a man you want to be in a relationship with.

Endofyear · 30/01/2025 09:43

TunipTheVegimal24 · 30/01/2025 09:28

I don't know - everyone's on their worst behaviour when they're tired. EVEN THOUGH his snoring was the catalyst, he still obviously didn't get much sleep. I wouldn't break up over snappiness after a bad night.

That's just me though, if you have the ick, you don't have to stay with him.

There's a difference between being tired and grumpy in the morning and aggressively shouting and swearing at someone though. That's an overreaction and a massive red flag imo. They've only being seeing each other a month!

Errors · 30/01/2025 09:45

As someone who recently ended a relationship with an angry man (and let it go on too long) please leave him. This is not normal behaviour and if you put up with it, it will get worse. Trust me.

cheddercherry · 30/01/2025 09:46

I’d text and tell him don’t bother calling to be honest and end it now. I’m cranky on no sleep but would never raise my voice and swear at my partner. The veil has slipped and he’s not a nice guy, clearly.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 30/01/2025 09:53

Text him.
I will not tolerate being shouted and sworn at. Your behaviour is totally unacceptable. I do not wish to speak to you or see you again. Do not bother calling me at lunchtime. Do not come back to my home.

Then block.

MissDoubleU · 30/01/2025 09:59

pimplebum · 30/01/2025 09:12

Don’t be passive waiting for call

text “ I don’t tolerate being sworn at or shouted at , this behaviour has no place in a loving relationship. Also your snoring is unbearable. Good luck in your next relationship “

Yes, this is the answer.

And stand firm. If he comes back grovelling, don’t accept it. He’s shown you who he really is.

ItGhoul · 30/01/2025 10:04

You've only shagged him four or five times and he's already shouting and swearing at you? Yeah, get rid of him. He's a total cunt.

ForRealCat · 30/01/2025 10:13

Be prepared in a couple of days for him to come crawling back and try to minimise this as him "just being tired". Stick to your guns- how people behave when tired or under pressure is the true test, you don't want this one OP.

RitaFromTheRanch · 30/01/2025 10:14

No thank you. Next.

ilovemyhamster · 30/01/2025 10:30

I've said it before and I'll say it again. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Back in to the sea he goes. Nasty man. Please let us know when the dumping has occurred. 👏🏻

FoxtonFoxton · 30/01/2025 10:34

He is NOT the one. Immediate end for me. Text him to finish it, tell him not to contact you again and block on everything.

Starlight1984 · 30/01/2025 10:43

End it. Now.

I called him when he got to his car asking if he was okay and I was met with aggressive shouting saying he's had "fuck all sleep due to my tossing and turning"

He was so aggressive and said "well I tried fucking hugging you in the night but you were on the other fucking side"

After ONE month?!?!?!?! Jesus at one month (and even at 6-12 months tbf) we were shagging all night and surviving on about an hours sleep!!!

That's meant to be the best stages of a relationship OP and he's shouting and swearing at you?!

It took DH 2 years to bring up the fact that I snored and even then he was trying to convince me it doesn't bother him.

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