Family visiting

[kimberlypo]

My boyfriend and I recently had a baby he's 2 weeks old. We talked while pregnant about family visiting and how I would want to wait until DS was at least 6 weeks. 2 days pp he insisted we take DS to meet his family. I told him I was not comfortable, but he really wanted his family to meet him so we drove 2 hours away.Recently he asked if they could visit this time I said yes. We do not live together so everything in my home I purchased. I have no issue with family coming,but he's moving my furniture around and throwing away my things he does not see value in because (I'll be damned if I let them see all this shit).

I'm annoyed because things were fine the way they were. We obviously had empty diaper/wipes boxes which could easily be taken care of. All of the other things are very unnecessary. He previously suggested meeting somewhere and honestly that would have probably been the best option if I knew he would do this.

What do you mean “he insisted”? He’s not your master.

Tell him to piss off and stop bullying you.

He threw your stuff away
insisted you make a two hour journey at 2 days PP
You don’t live together

you have bigger issues that your post suggests

So were you planning on not allowing any family to see your baby for 6 weeks?

So your baby sees nobody but you and your partner for 6 weeks?

Why?

Why did you not stand your ground.

Going anywhere two hours away, two days after giving birth is a huge no.

You should have been at home resting.

Find your voice and remind him that your body has just been through huge trauma and you need time to heal and rest.

This isn’t about you not wanting to see his family this is about him respecting you and what you’ve been through.

Sorry, he threw your things away?! In a house that’s not even his?!

Astounding. Hope the family are nicer than him since they’re descending on your house. Btw you’re perfectly within your rights to use your voice and stand your ground. I’d be loathe to want to let him in after that performance never mind added unwanted extras.

Because it's cold/flu season

So for control then basically? Or are they all ill for the whole 6 weeks? How ill was the baby after visiting them?

I have a right to not have visitors before 6 weeks. Not sure why it's such an issue, a baby this small does not need to be around school aged kids. My decision

Correct

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to hold off visit for six weeks or until eight weeks until the vaccinations are administered- there can be health reasons. if both parents sign off on it, there’s no reason to challenge the rule.

However I don’t think it’s ok that your boyfriend unilaterally changes the rule and makes you take a two hour drive and then throws your stuff away. He is stomping your boundaries OP and transgressing. This is very disrespectful and shows that he has no consideration for your wishes. Don’t let him do that to you.

Does anybody actually do this in real life?

I understand he wants family to meet our baby. But I can't take trips for those visits

What do you mean? Holding off visits for two months? Had friends with premies, they waited until the babies had their vaccines.

I mean it’s not like the babies will remember any early visitors. The early visits are for the visitors‘ benefit not the babies. So if any health related issues speak against it, better be safe than sorry.

If my DC decided I couldn't visit them post birth for 6 weeks, serious complications aside, I'd be questioning my parenting.

Perfectly reasonable for his family to want to meet the baby (even if you hold off other visitors) but not acceptable to throw away items in a house that isn’t his.

Waiting six weeks to see family is a bit weird but if he agreed he shouldn't decide to change the name l lol a without your agreement.

And they should have come to you.

No he should not be throwing your stuff out! Have you told him to stop??

How does he react if you say no to him. ?

2hrs in a car seat for a 2 day old is hugely unsafe! I'm guessing that's 4hrs in the day too.

They shouldn't be in the car seat more than 20mins at a time, 2hrs a day max! They say that for the first 12 weeks. At 2 days no chance!

Anyone who insisted on that would be nowhere near me or my baby.

Yes exactly.

Throwing your stuff away and forcing you to travel so soon after birth are two huge red flags.

But tbh, not allowing extended family to meet their newest relative for six weeks would also be a red flag for me (unless the baby has a medical issue, but there's no mention of that). Babies are part of a family and part of a community, it's not healthy to push people away.

You are odd for waiting 6 weeks.

you shouldn’t have driven 2 hours 2 days after birth.

living separately from your partner is a sensible decision as he’s a nasty bully.

You have a boyfriend problem. Is he nasty and controlling in other ways? Don't let him throw your things away, don't let him move in with you or give him keys and think about whether you want to continue this relationship.