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Original poster

Family visiting

65 replies

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 17:12

My boyfriend and I recently had a baby he's 2 weeks old. We talked while pregnant about family visiting and how I would want to wait until DS was at least 6 weeks. 2 days pp he insisted we take DS to meet his family. I told him I was not comfortable, but he really wanted his family to meet him so we drove 2 hours away.Recently he asked if they could visit this time I said yes. We do not live together so everything in my home I purchased. I have no issue with family coming,but he's moving my furniture around and throwing away my things he does not see value in because (I'll be damned if I let them see all this shit).

I'm annoyed because things were fine the way they were. We obviously had empty diaper/wipes boxes which could easily be taken care of. All of the other things are very unnecessary. He previously suggested meeting somewhere and honestly that would have probably been the best option if I knew he would do this.

OP posts:
DPotter · 30/01/2025 12:22

I'll say it now - Please when you register your baby's birth - give him or her your surname. Don't get sucked into the 'it's traditional to give babies their father's surname' - it's not. The tradition is babies take their mothers surname, who in times past were usually married to the father and had changed their name to his.

Do you have other help and support ? Please plug into this, to help support you in stopping his bullying behaviour.

Having said that - 6 weeks before seeing a new baby in the family is a long time

Dror · 30/01/2025 12:40

Do you really want to keep dating this man? He sounds crap.
That's a dangerous amount of time that your newborn was in a car seat, due to their posture in the seat restricting their breathing.
Tell the boyfriend 'no.' to his demands.

Strictlymad · 30/01/2025 12:44

Wanting to wait 6 weeks is unusual, but if you both agree that’s fine. But any visits should be at your house- no one should be driving 2 hours with a 2 day old baby! They shouldn’t be in the car seat longer than 30 mins

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/01/2025 18:08

Strictlymad · 30/01/2025 12:44

Wanting to wait 6 weeks is unusual, but if you both agree that’s fine. But any visits should be at your house- no one should be driving 2 hours with a 2 day old baby! They shouldn’t be in the car seat longer than 30 mins

They don’t both agree that’s the point

Botanybaby · 02/02/2025 17:36

I hope to god you haven't put that man's name on the birth certificate you are in for a rough ride if you have

Scottsy200 · 02/02/2025 17:37

6 weeks seems a bit much but making you do a 2 hr drove 2 days pp is utter madness, why would you go along with that rather than telling him to get f**ked. And when it comes to throwing your stuff away in your house erm I think not, you are letting him walk all over you.

Satsumamandarin · 02/02/2025 17:44

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 19:26

I have a right to not have visitors before 6 weeks. Not sure why it's such an issue, a baby this small does not need to be around school aged kids. My decision Smile

I don't understand why you drove 2hrs with a 2 day newborn to visit his family? That's too much too soon especially as your original plan was to wait 6 weeks for anyone to see baby in his home. A few days or a week postpartum is fine. Why were his family allowed to see baby but no one else?

NewMrsF · 02/02/2025 17:44

Please don’t put him on your kids birth certificate, if you do you give him parental rights and if he continues down the abuse path (which he’s started on with the control) he will be able to hold that child over you for 18 years.

RachTheAlpaca · 02/02/2025 17:56

'Boyfriend' and 'doesn't respect me' and 'don't live together' but you thought a baby would be a good idea...

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 02/02/2025 18:00

@kimberlypo surely he doesnt think his family are coming to stay at yours, does he??? why is he throwing your stuff out???

unmemorableusername · 02/02/2025 18:02

He's not your boyfriend.

Don't co register the birth and give him power to control your life for the next 18 years.

VgerEdney · 02/02/2025 18:11

Your baby and your right to wait til you feel ready and no one should think you are weird or wrong for waiting and giving your baby the best chance as it's dangerous if they are poorly. Def don't travel for your and baby sake. Your house and your stuff don't allow this "boy" to throw away your stuff unless you agree to it and want it. Ie rubbish which is actually rubbish. As others have asked is it a blanket no one visits during the 6 weeks or his family?
I do agree on the baby's surname being yours and not the bf. It will help in the future if needs be. Please think more of yourself and be a mumma tiger for your child and insist on what you want within reason. You could have a video call. What the family wants are not as important as yours and what's best for baby.
Do you have a clos family yourself? Good friends to support you? How are you feeling? X congratulations by the way. X

BlueSkies1981 · 02/02/2025 18:16

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 19:20

Because it's cold/flu season

Show quote history

I’m not sure why anyone needs to justify this- it’s her baby to make that decision about

KatbJoy · 02/02/2025 18:16

So this relationship is pretty messed up.

You have a kid but don't live together. You're controlling access to the child and in turn he's now trying to control your own environment.

All of this while being new parents. Wow

And people are telling you to further withhold access by removing him from the birth certificate?

This is not a good start for this child at all.

Cricketmadmum · 02/02/2025 18:22

Planning to wait 6 weeks is neurotic unless there are specific medical reasons. Living in a bubble is not realistic.

However, your partner’s behaviour in your home is not acceptable.

andthat · 02/02/2025 18:23

HenDoNot · 29/01/2025 18:00

So were you planning on not allowing any family to see your baby for 6 weeks?

So your baby sees nobody but you and your partner for 6 weeks?

Why?

Why does it matter? The OP had a baby only two weeks ago.

Her partner is forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do and is showing total disregard for her by throwing her belongings away.

You are focusing on the wrong things.

andthat · 02/02/2025 18:24

VgerEdney · 02/02/2025 18:11

Your baby and your right to wait til you feel ready and no one should think you are weird or wrong for waiting and giving your baby the best chance as it's dangerous if they are poorly. Def don't travel for your and baby sake. Your house and your stuff don't allow this "boy" to throw away your stuff unless you agree to it and want it. Ie rubbish which is actually rubbish. As others have asked is it a blanket no one visits during the 6 weeks or his family?
I do agree on the baby's surname being yours and not the bf. It will help in the future if needs be. Please think more of yourself and be a mumma tiger for your child and insist on what you want within reason. You could have a video call. What the family wants are not as important as yours and what's best for baby.
Do you have a clos family yourself? Good friends to support you? How are you feeling? X congratulations by the way. X

Common sense post.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 02/02/2025 18:26

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 17:12

My boyfriend and I recently had a baby he's 2 weeks old. We talked while pregnant about family visiting and how I would want to wait until DS was at least 6 weeks. 2 days pp he insisted we take DS to meet his family. I told him I was not comfortable, but he really wanted his family to meet him so we drove 2 hours away.Recently he asked if they could visit this time I said yes. We do not live together so everything in my home I purchased. I have no issue with family coming,but he's moving my furniture around and throwing away my things he does not see value in because (I'll be damned if I let them see all this shit).

I'm annoyed because things were fine the way they were. We obviously had empty diaper/wipes boxes which could easily be taken care of. All of the other things are very unnecessary. He previously suggested meeting somewhere and honestly that would have probably been the best option if I knew he would do this.

His family has already met the baby, in a way which was not ideal for either you or the baby. Why do they now need to meet the baby again?

Mamabear487 · 02/02/2025 18:34

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 19:26

I have a right to not have visitors before 6 weeks. Not sure why it's such an issue, a baby this small does not need to be around school aged kids. My decision Smile

It’s actually good for babies to build up their immune system…..

ThatMiddleClassFood · 02/02/2025 19:07

kimberlypo · 29/01/2025 19:31

Correct

Show quote history

Waiting 6 weeks for people to meet the baby is a bit weird to be honest. A week or so I get but 6 weeks is excessive unless baby has any health issues.

Asking you to travel 2hr 2 days after giving birth is ridiculous if family want to see the baby they can make the journey.

What stuff of yours did he throw out? I'd make him replace it all, did you tell him not to throw your stuff out or did he do it without you knowing?

Scammersarescum · 02/02/2025 19:14

Are you in the US OP? I assume so because of the diaper reference?

Can you leave him off the birth certificate as we can in the UK if unmarried? I'm just wondering as it does not sound like this relationship is a runner.

Notgivenuphope · 02/02/2025 19:28

His behaviour is awful but a 6 week wait is a piss take.

the relationship is dead isn’t it?

CountingDownToSummer · 02/02/2025 19:40

I think the 2 issues are separate op.
The way he is behaving by organising and throwing out your stuff is not on and out of order.
The waiting 6 weeks for family to see a newborn is excessive and I can see why he would want his family to meet their grandchild before that. Are your family ok with not seeing your child for 6 weeks?

Waffle19 · 02/02/2025 20:07

I don’t think it’s ok to expect family to wait six weeks to meet a baby, but I definitely don’t think it’s ok to take a newborn on a two hour car journey, especially at only two days PP yourself.

The throwing stuff out is a huge red flag.

Sjh15 · 02/02/2025 20:13

I have a baby who is now 12 weeks old today. Waiting 6 weeks for a single visitor is absolutely excessive, it’s your right to say whatever you want, but it is excessive so don’t expect people to react well, especially family. Remember other people have school children, preschool children (I have one of those!) and a tiny baby in the house too. My DP and son had pneumonia in the same small 2 bed flat as me and the baby. We just separated in the flat. Baby didn’t get it. My 3 yo has conjunctivitis. Baby got it.
my point is you can’t always avoid everything. Are you and your partner not leaving the house for 6 weeks either, as you can catch anything from anywhere? I don’t even know where this conjunctivitis or the pneumonia came from!
again, your prerogative just it is unusual so some people won’t react well.

this sad - what on earth are you doing travelling 2 hours each way 2 days after giving birth. Dangerous for you, dangerous for baby in a car seat that long and most importantly goes against what you were comfortable with (waiting 6 weeks for visitors). Very selfish of your DP.

you have a major bf problem it’s good you don’t live together. My advice is. Don’t.