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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a totally normal reaction to a break up and my friends are crazy

62 replies

Dreamily · 29/01/2025 16:23

On of my close friends has just gone through a break up, he broke up with her just before Christmas, they still talk and it's all very healthy, no hard feelings etc.
Most of this month she has been fairly quiet, minded her own business, not been very active in the group chat etc. Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw), and has made loads of plans with lots of friends for the next few weeks, plus a ski holiday and weekend away alone.
I see no reason for concern, she dealt with the hard part quietly and now she wants to party and get her life back - seems normal to me.

However lots of our mutual friends are acting like the sudden switch up is concerning and we should take her for lunch and basically host some sort of intervention. She's still going to work and no drug use or anything concerning as far as we know.

AiBU to think this is a crazy overreaction and she's just processing in a healthy normal way.

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 29/01/2025 16:24

Her reaction is completely normal.

BobbyPeruLikeTheCountry · 29/01/2025 16:25

Totally normal, but it feels like everything has to be amped up and made into a bigger drama than it is these days.

MrsJHernandez · 29/01/2025 16:25

An intervention?! Good God. She young, free and single. Plus, it's healthy to keep busy after a break-up. She's doing exactly what she should be doing, IMO.

Hotnspicyy · 29/01/2025 16:26

Completely normal but you wouldn’t be bad friends to arrange a lunch together and check on her - just no intervention!!!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/01/2025 16:26

Completely normal.

Your friends are nuts

Original poster
Dreamily · 29/01/2025 16:27

Thank you!! I honestly thought I was going crazy reading all the "this is so strange she was quiet for weeks and now all this, hope it's not a breakdown" messages!!

OP posts:
OneWaryCat · 29/01/2025 16:28

She sounds like she is living her best life.

Xiaoxiong · 29/01/2025 16:30

The phrase "concern trolls" was invented to describe your mutual friends.

I bet they're all working each other up behind your friends' back on a WhatsApp group? Lots of "we should make sure she's ok" and "I'm just worried about her, that's all!" And "we really need to be there for her, she needs us now more than ever". Bunch of drama llamas.

Arlanymor · 29/01/2025 16:31

Totally normal, she’s taken some time to process the breakup - which is hard around Christmas when there is an expectation to be jolly and socialise. Now she’s done her hibernating and is taking back control of her social calendar, which previously would have had plans in it with her former partner. Just because she might be feeling lonely, doesn’t mean she has to be alone. Being proactive and making plans is very healthy. Much more so than isolating herself and sitting at home in sackcloth and ashes. You’re the normal one OP, your friends… less so!

DemonicCaveMaggot · 29/01/2025 16:31

Your friends sound like they think they are in an episode of TOWIE or East Enders.

She was quiet while she was feeling sad and was processing the break up. Now she is using activities as a distraction and to get back into single life.

Please discourage the intervention. If someone tried this with me in similar circumstances I'd be furious and think about cutting off the lot of them for using my bad fortunate to whip up a load of un-necessary drama to make themselves feel important.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 29/01/2025 16:32

Yanbu, good for her!

SkaneTos · 29/01/2025 16:34

If you can not go out and party when you are a newly single 26-year old without kids, when can you go out and party?

phoenixrosehere · 29/01/2025 16:36

BobbyPeruLikeTheCountry · 29/01/2025 16:25

Totally normal, but it feels like everything has to be amped up and made into a bigger drama than it is these days.

Disagree. OP’s friends’ “reactions” is stuff I saw in secondary school when I was a teen and in uni. Have not seen it myself after that unless it is online.

I think it is a maturity thing.

MagicalMystical · 29/01/2025 16:37

They need to loosen up, like your friend clearly has xx

LauritaEvita · 29/01/2025 16:46

Sounds like a normal 26 year old. What do they want her to do? Act like an old married woman when she’s single and in the prime of her life? I hope she has an absolute ball doing all fun things and maybe makes some less uptight new pals.

89redballoons · 29/01/2025 16:47

It sounds like a good way to get over a breakup, and if she's 26 with no kids or other dependents then why not let her hair down?

Are the friends in the group chat jealous because she's out with other friends instead of them?

Dweetfidilove · 29/01/2025 16:57

She sounds perfectly normal.
If you're not completely broken after relationship breakdowns, however, people don't think you're normal. There's always a need for drama.

ItGhoul · 29/01/2025 17:04

All these things would be normal for a woman in her 20s whether she'd been through a break-up or not.

romdowa · 29/01/2025 17:17

What do they want her to do? Sign herself into a silent order or something? She's dead right to party and have a good time. They just sound boring and jealous

TenderChicken · 29/01/2025 17:20

Totally fine and sounds like she's doing really well to try and bounce back after the initial period of hurt.

OodlesPoodle · 29/01/2025 17:25

Probs a bit of jealousy, that she's got this fab single life and not depressed and moping. Some people need other people to be living their worst life so they feel better about there's. It makes them feel threatened as it shows break ups can lead to an exciting new future - so if any of them are staying in relationships out of fear of loneliness, it will spoil the narrative that miserable together is better than being alone. Or they just don't like her independence and not needing them.

I had a friend like this when I separated. Lots of faux concern about whether partying and having SO MUCH fun would make me ill. Hmm It's been 10 years since, I'm happily re-married with no deathly illness following in my wake. The friend has now started all the faux concern about a friend who had a MC and bounced back quickly, because she herself struggled a lot with it. I think she needs people to behave exactly as she would or feels inadequate.

GingerIsBest · 29/01/2025 17:29

Yup, totally normal. Especialyl if many of you are in relationships.

A few comments were made when SIL went through a fairly hardcore party phase post break up. I thought, "good for her" and I hoped she was getting loads of action!

sugarandfudge · 29/01/2025 17:59

She's young and has no kids with this man. It's perfectly healthy to deal with a breakup this way, and it's normal to dust yourself off and move on when you feel able.

Your other friends sound like they live for drama.

Catza · 29/01/2025 18:06

I thought you were my friend until you mentioned her age 🤣. I did the same. Spent three weeks processing over Christmas and then booked a lot of exciting things to look forward to. I already booked all my holidays until the end of summer, signed up for two hobby clubs and I am trying to buy a house. Crisis? I don't think so. I feel quite well in myself, I just want to be doing fun things and be in situations where I can meet interesting people. As far as I know, my friends are not planning an intervention. Everyone is cheering me on. But we are in our 40s and 50s so have all been round the block a few too many times.

Notwiththebullshizz · 02/02/2025 09:46

Sounds pretty normal to me, to be honest. Id perhaps keep an open line of contact up with her just to make sure she's fully aware you're there for a chat if she needs it, besides that, let her live it out. Other friends sound like they love the drama of it all 🤦