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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a totally normal reaction to a break up and my friends are crazy

62 replies

Dreamily · 29/01/2025 16:23

On of my close friends has just gone through a break up, he broke up with her just before Christmas, they still talk and it's all very healthy, no hard feelings etc.
Most of this month she has been fairly quiet, minded her own business, not been very active in the group chat etc. Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw), and has made loads of plans with lots of friends for the next few weeks, plus a ski holiday and weekend away alone.
I see no reason for concern, she dealt with the hard part quietly and now she wants to party and get her life back - seems normal to me.

However lots of our mutual friends are acting like the sudden switch up is concerning and we should take her for lunch and basically host some sort of intervention. She's still going to work and no drug use or anything concerning as far as we know.

AiBU to think this is a crazy overreaction and she's just processing in a healthy normal way.

OP posts:
NowThatYouSayIt · 02/02/2025 09:49

When a single, childfree 26 year old with only herself to please can’t party till the small hours and book a few holidays without her melodramatic friends staging a MH intervention, that is a sign the friends should get out more.

CosyLemur · 02/02/2025 09:53

I guess it depends on the friend.
Was she like this before she was with her BF or is this a totally different side anyone as seen to her?
And does she have a history of doing this when she has a break up to try to hide feelings and then ends up crashing badly?

Because with my friendship group theres people who I would say it would be normal and others who it would concern me slightly

PicaK · 02/02/2025 09:57

Is it the singles holiday that's worrying them most?
People have funny ideas of what these involve. I would say your friends reaction is the norm tho tbh. You are the sensible one

1HappyTraveller · 02/02/2025 10:07

Normal reaction from your newly-single friend.
Your other friends are being dramatic. It’s almost like they need an excuse to get out themselves…

babyproblems · 02/02/2025 10:20

Seems normal! Although I’ve always been a bit crazy after a break up so I’m impressed at her ability to stay sane/calm!!! Do your friends look for drama..

poemsandwine · 02/02/2025 10:31

Do your friends thrive on drama? If my friends hosted an intervention because I handed a breakup differently than they thought I should, I'd wonder about that.

MagpiePi · 02/02/2025 10:32

Leave her to get on with it!

Maybe I’m out of touch with reality TV (ok, I am, totally 😄) but what would an intervention actually involve? Taking away her passport, her fancy clothes and make-up and locking her in her house until she stops wanting to have a fun life?

skyeisthelimit · 02/02/2025 11:12

My XH walked out just before my 40th birthday, so older than your friend. I was devastated, and couldn't stand being alone, so when my 4yo was with XH or my parents, I went out every weekend, often til the early hours. I went on weekends away with friends. I did everything that I could to try and feel better and not be sat crying alone every weekend. I might go home and cry but I was still getting out there.

13 years on I can't think of anything worse and would rather be sat watching Netflix Grin.

I would say that your friend is reacting in a totally normal way, she is claiming her life back and seeing where it takes her. Make it clear that you are there if she needs somebody to talk to, and tell all your friends that she is just having fun and to leave her alone!

If she's not keeping herself safe when going out, or doing drugs, then that's another matter, but you don't mention that.

MarshMallowHeather · 02/02/2025 11:15

I think there's room for a bit of both...

I don't think you need to stage a intervention, but as she has been through a break up and been quite quiet about it it would be nice to arrange a lunch and check in, give her a chance to talk.

MarshMallowHeather · 02/02/2025 11:16

Actually, maybe just arrange a lunch just you and her if the other friends are going to be weird about it

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/02/2025 11:19

On paper it sounds totally normal.

The only thing I wonder is whether they have been spending time with her and noticed she is not herself (moodswings or manic or whatever).

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2025 11:19

You only live once, good on her for getting out there and having fun.

NiftyKoala · 02/02/2025 11:31

An intervention because she's doing everything she should be doing? Your friend sounds jealous.

Echobowels · 02/02/2025 11:38

On a TV show/rom com, the break-up misery to having loads of plans would absolutely signal a breakdown for plot purposes.

In real life? Totally normal. Your friends are trying to create drama!

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 02/02/2025 11:40

I like the sound of your friend! In the last few years I spent some weekends on my own in Cambridge as I had to visit a relative in hospital. I picked an expensive hotel to make things easier . And I totally think holidays alone are awesome. A ski trip alone! Excellent. People in ski resorts in Canada and USA were so very lovely I would definitely do that. Although the Canadians were so much nicer all round. When we got to their passport check a police officer smiled and said Welcome to Canada. You don't get that in the USA or UK.

mynameiscalypso · 02/02/2025 11:44

Maybe she's actually quite happy about the break up?

shuggles · 02/02/2025 11:45

@Dreamily Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw),

Way too old to be "partying until 3am." She's 26, not 16.

NiceoneSonny · 02/02/2025 11:46

Totally normal. Your other friends sound like drama llamas'/ grief vultures who haven't received their rightful share of the breakup fallout in order for them to feel A/ smug that it's not them sat in a puddle crying over a lost relationship, and/or B/ smug that they helped her through it with their self serving shoulder to cry on.

JoanCollinsDiva · 02/02/2025 11:48

Dreamily · 29/01/2025 16:23

On of my close friends has just gone through a break up, he broke up with her just before Christmas, they still talk and it's all very healthy, no hard feelings etc.
Most of this month she has been fairly quiet, minded her own business, not been very active in the group chat etc. Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw), and has made loads of plans with lots of friends for the next few weeks, plus a ski holiday and weekend away alone.
I see no reason for concern, she dealt with the hard part quietly and now she wants to party and get her life back - seems normal to me.

However lots of our mutual friends are acting like the sudden switch up is concerning and we should take her for lunch and basically host some sort of intervention. She's still going to work and no drug use or anything concerning as far as we know.

AiBU to think this is a crazy overreaction and she's just processing in a healthy normal way.

Possibly they're jealous of her new found freedom and confidence and want to bring her down a peg or two with a "are you ok hun?" p.a. head-tilt type conversation.

Perfectly normal behaviour at 26yo and single.

JoanCollinsDiva · 02/02/2025 11:49

shuggles · 02/02/2025 11:45

@Dreamily Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw),

Way too old to be "partying until 3am." She's 26, not 16.

Are you kidding?? 🤣🤣🤣

dudsville · 02/02/2025 11:56

I went through a big break up in my early 30's. I instigated it, the change was monumental, but I was happy. Some folks around me expected me to struggle, but I didn't, and I wasn't showing any sings of struggle, and like your friend, I was going out loads, enjoying my freedom. One evening, a particularly emotionally intense friend kept ringing me and I just wasn't up for a chat so I ignored it. Some time later he and his partner actually came over to see if I was ok. I think a lot of projection happens at the time of big life events. Also, I think he would have been more comfortable if I had actually been struggling more - some people are more comfortable with drama.

Motnight · 02/02/2025 12:04

shuggles · 02/02/2025 11:45

@Dreamily Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw),

Way too old to be "partying until 3am." She's 26, not 16.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

KhakiOrca · 02/02/2025 12:15

leave her alone. she's dealing with things her own way.

HelpMeGetThrough · 02/02/2025 12:17

However lots of our mutual friends are acting like the sudden switch up is concerning and we should take her for lunch and basically host some sort of intervention.

An intervention 🤣 talk about up their own arses.

I hope she'd tell them to fuck off and mind their own business.

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2025 12:29

shuggles · 02/02/2025 11:45

@Dreamily Then at the weekend she went out with some other friends partying until 3am (she's 26 no children fwiw),

Way too old to be "partying until 3am." She's 26, not 16.

This can't be serious? I'm in my 40s and still love an occasional 3am blowout.