To be so angry sorting out my parents stuff

[DazedorBemused]

I've just cleared another carload of stuff from my parents attic. They were born either side of WW2, and talked. Talked so much about rationing, poverty, striking, unions, etc.
My brother was occasionally ill as a child. To compensate he had fancy Lego, computers when they first came out, hand held video games.
The contrast between his pricy toys and my enjoy your family board game type stuff is obvious.
Then my parents got into collecting stuff - porcelain, dinner services, up scaled their Christmas decorations again and again.

I'm sorting through all this stuff and finding receipts for expensive trivial stuff in the early 90s when I was at uni, working two term time jobs and full-time in the holidays and I'm a 50 year old woman upset at having to go to the tip again.

Not the point. The point is that OP worked and DB had stuff handed to him on a plate.

Maybe go back to your kids and ask them how they’d feel if one was given expensive presents and £30k cash while the other or others aren’t? Also if they plan to let the one not given the gifts/ cash do all the work of dealing with the house. It doesn’t sound fair to me and I think it’s reasonable for OP to be upset. I also personally couldn’t stand by while my children struggle financially. That’s my take away.

I understand too.

My aunt, my mother's sister spent all her life pleading poverty, always being helped financially because she was unmarried (my father spent many years paying her mortgage); was often out of work, despite being a teacher, was always telling everyone how poor she was...

I remember as I child when she came to take my sister and I out for an afternoon she would always ask my mother for some money so we could stop at a patisserie and buy some little cakes. She would always buy us the least expensive cakes, both different, and then when we were all sat down she ask my sister if she could try a piece of her cake and she would take half, then she'd ask me if she could try mine and she would take half. She did this countless times with us and years later, for me, it came to sum up her life.

When she died and her estate was settled, she left almost 4 million (francs) to a cat charity. My mother was furious.

Its very interesting to note in my circle of friends over the years that I have noticed that the scapegoats in families were the ones who were TOLD they would be carer, excutor, house clearer.

With my few friends they handed every single bit of it over after telling siblings to collect what they wish as the house was being professionally cleared and the solicitors will be acting as executor.

It saves a lot of money to get a mug to do this.
The bill was 25k for my friend and her siblings were shocked...none of them offered to do it though.

I would say hand it over to the professional and let your father pay.

We are going through this now; it sucks

@NotthinglikeaBondGirl

What a women. That's lovely to read.

@Isinglass20

Did the friend have permission to take the Ravillious?

If you didn’t get the grant, due to parents income you could only get the loan which was £1500 ish a year but dropped to £1100 in year 3. The hall fees were £1800 a year so before I did anything I was £300 a year short. There was no minimum wage, I earned £3 an hour so I had 3 part time jobs which I juggled I worked about 30hrs in term term.

I think you've hit the nail on the head here 👌

Wholeheartedly agree with you. We are comfortable in retirement, and have helped our children financially, but I think generally they need to standbon there own two feet. I'd like to think something will be left for our children, but who knows with care costs.
But reading these comments on here definitely makes me think about 'clearing out' a bit. I don't want to leave unnecessary clutter behind ( but I suppose as we age who will decide what ' clutter' is).

Tothelefttotheleft

No. Taken without permission and I feel she knew the artist’s work which I did not at the time - same for the Peter Scott.

The thing I’ve heard is certain individuals exploit the stress and upset of the family dealing with house clearance of the parents property and take items they fancy or know are of value.

That includes professional house clearances where unrecognised items but recognised by house clearance companies who have links with antique dealers and foreign buyers and auction these items for considerable profits particularly Indian and Chinese markets. These have been brought back by soldiers airmen navy after WW2

It's all fallen on her and the point is that her brother was also routinely bailed out. No standing on his own two feet there.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through similar. My mum isn’t gone but we are trying to sort her house out. She is a hoarder and she has rooms you literally can’t get into. Growing up there was not enough money and there were fights about debts etc.. I am going through her things and I am finding boxes of glasses with price labels still on, clothes with price labels on. Trinkets and souvenirs that have never been opened since the day of purchase. Gift sets of toiletries - years out of date - never opened. Probably bought for gifts then forgotten about. It is criminal the amount of stuff that needs to go straight into a bin. The only saving grace is the charity shops are doing well out of it, so some good will come from it all eventually.

Yes, I take your point.

but what do the house clearance companies do with all the stuff? If it's landfill / incinerator, I wouldn't be OK with that.

What would you like to be done with any items that nobody wants to take? Things that a charity shop won't accept, that there aren't any obvious buyers for.

No one wants most of this stuff. No one wants to buy it, charity shops don’t want it. What do you suggest happens to it?

is your brother helping? take what you want get a house clearance in and walk away or your MH will continue to suffer

I mean do they separate out the stuff that people would want or could use, and put the rest in the bin? Or do they just bin everything?

It's awful isn't it. How much money they wasted and you struggled. I feel your pain. And disposal is such a task these days. You'll get there and it'll just be a memory

They separate out the stuff they can sell, generally.

Which means being able to sell it viably of course. There's probably no item that someone on the planet wouldn't pay something for, but it still has to make business sense and justify admin, storage and selling costs.

They split it 50/50, despite giving him thousands towards buying properties that they also didn't do for op!

Of course he isn't 😕

I can definitely relate to this. Toiletry sets were handed out to be used, and clothes, stillin their wrappers,went to Charity shops. I now make a point of using everything I am given.