Greediness or normalcy

[UrLov3ly]

So I have been living with my bf at his mom’s place for a year with the intent of moving out within a couple months to a year. I am grateful we have a roof over our head don’t get me wrong, but I pay rent. Plus I’m the only adult paying rent. Besides my bfs mom. So I wasn’t expecting problems to really arise or occur. After things change and plans change, we have no way of moving out within the time frame we placed. His mom is nice, super nice when you don’t get on her bad side. I haven’t really done anything to make her dislike me other than maybe the slight annoyance that I don’t answer her texts or phone calls like my bf does (her son), or buy her food when she cooks dinner for me mainly every night. I don’t agree with decisions she has made regarding her older son and just allowing him to stay with us. Even though illegal “things” seem to follow everywhere they ( my bfs brother ) go. My question really is that am I greedy or selfish when my bf asks me if I can buy his mom dinner when him and I eat out. I 99% of the time say no because I don’t want to buy another meal for another person no matter the cost. I have bought her dinner before but I rarely ever do. So am I wrong in deciding what to do with my money that I earn. Even though she prepares dinner ready when I’m home from work. I have said that I can make my own meals. She insists because she says she’s a good person and dosent have the need to fight over food. She pretty much always shares. I am looked at as the bad guy because I don’t want to buy her dinner. Most of the time she even says she’s not hungry, she’s already ate her own dinner. It makes me mad when she does those things and then when my bf and I are cooking she comes to the kitchen and asks if we can share because she’s hungry. I automatically don’t want to share, I understand that is selfish in ways. Although she already told us she wasn’t hungry. So now she changes her mind and guilts my bf into sharing food.

Yes, but I’m not sure in which century 400 would cover your share of rent, your utilities, your food, and still have enough over to support 3 more adults.

it certainly isn’t this one or the last.

It’s literally in bold in the post you quoted that she asks for food after telling them she wasn’t hungry when she was offered food.

That is massively irritating behaviour. If you want to eat, say yes when asked so enough can be made for everyone.

You’re never going to get anywhere if you continue to date this ‘man’. You’re already stuck living with his mum and his druggie brother whilst being the only person that pays for anything.

Stop making excuses for him. If he was a hard worker he wouldn’t keep getting fired or struggle to find employment. You can’t possibly rent or buy a home and rely on him at all, you’ll 100% get stuck with paying everything when he gets fired from his next job and when you can’t afford it on one salary, homeless or back to mums is it?

What are you even doing FFS, you’re both almost 30 not 18.

Ok, in your world you can’t change your mind when you smell the food and you find this massive irritating. Fair enough.

As I said, I would throw them all out, especially OP’s deadbeat unemployed boyfriend and his druggy 46yo brother. And OP should dump the deadbeat and move out.

But I find the sexism here annoying. OP is the only one contributing (as she should) and yet now she’s also expected to share her food, both cooked and when buying takeout (which gets expensive really quickly).

As much as I agree she should chuck them all out, and the op should dump the deadbeat, the fact remains the op has for reasons only she knows, decided to stay with this guy and she buys food for him. I see no issue with occasionally sharing that with his mother, who is not only allowing her to stay in her home, but cooks for her most nights and buys the food to do so.

she isn’t the woman’s child like the other two. Many people would let their kids stay at home as adults, if in financial hardship. Not many would allow the girlfriend to move in too.

Why does he keep getting sacked? They all sound a bit useless apart from the mum. If you don't like how she runs her house you know where the door is.

There is a third option here. One of the freeloaders could cook the food the paying members of the household buy…

Whole thing sounds bonkers

So, to be clear, she charged you “rent” but not her own children? That’s her right as it’s her home.

You contribute rent towards the food and bills, no one else does, but she cooks you all meals?

You don’t ask for meals cooked but you eat them.

But you don’t want to pay for meals out for her, and whilst your bf pushes you to do so, he doesn’t pay for her himself? Equally, when you two are cooking, you asked if she wants some, she says no but then changes her mind?

I think you just need to move out as it’s all pretty messy.

Where else do you imagine you’ll get a roof over your head, bills paid and dinner on the table for 400 dollars or pounds a month?

You have no right to be judgemental about the other members of the household. They are not your family and they are doing you a favour.
You sound pretty entitled tbh.
As if these people who are housing you and feeding you are lower forms of life?
Why do you accept meals off someone if you're not willing to reciprocate. That's either extremely childish or selfish.
Just try your best to get out of there asap. And in the meantime just keep your head down.

I’m guessing she knows no where, as that’s why she’s living there and not in this mysterious non existent place. Doesn’t mean she still doesn’t pass judgement on them and not want to share her food occasionally.

maybe she’s just very young and has some growing up to do.

@Queenofthejabs shes 27! Paying only 400 a month and begrudging buying the woman a meal.