Sex or lack of after birth

[winniethepop]

I am 3 months post partum and having a few stress incontinence issues which I'm seeing a physio for and doing kegals and it's slowly improving but it's making sex really difficult for me just now because although all has been fine so far I'm spending the entire time we do it hoping I don't leak and trying not to and hoping it's over soon just in case.
Dh is getting frustrated because it's child number 4 and we've always been back to normal straight away and he doesn't understand why we're not back on track yet even though he knows the situation but the added pressure of him constantly asking is literally killing my libido.

I'm 41 and just want to recover, I had a ventouse delivery and lots of painful stitches and he kept asking when, when, when and since the stitches have healed he just wants me to be back as we were but I'm feeling so pressured its making me dread bedtime and I'm worried I'll never actually enjoy it again if this is how it is, I feel like I'm just letting him and not enjoying it and feeling quite dirty after because deep down I just don't want to but I know he has needs too and I don't want him to look elsewhere.

You're not likely to relax* anytime soon, given you're being coerced into sex.

Even if I was fully functional, that amount of duress would be a real issue and it's pretty much amounting blackmail. I'd be telling to fuck off elsewhere sharpish.

*immaterial of damage and healing

It’s so sad that you fear him cheating if you dont give him sex

even more scary is him asking everynight !

If it was 3 years him being annoyed would be more understandable but 3 months???

Do you have someone safe you can talk to in real life? A trusted health visitor, GP, counsellor or friend?

It's quite an embarrassing thing to admit especially the stress incontinence but I'm seeing a physio about it and she's very nice.

If my husband had asked for sex every night when I was 3 months post partum, he'd be carrying his knackers round in a zip lock bag by now. Your husband is being awful, selfish and an absolute git. Take sex fully off the table until you're actually ready for it. If he tries to force the issue, this man is not for you - and, quite frankly, showing that he's sexual predator. You do not owe him sex. He owes you kindness, love and understanding.

Big hugs op - you must be exhausted and v upset xx

I had a baby twelve weeks ago. I was lucky and had a very straight forward delivery with minor grazing. We also have other children. DH and I have dtd once since our baby arrived. We are both exhausted, there are usually kids around and the times we have free we are catching up on sleep or housework or anything else that needs doing. We have a larger than average family size too so it’s busy here too.
To make my point, not once has DH complained about having sex. He hasn’t pressured me. He hasn’t even mentioned it unless I bring it up. I would like to dtd but we both understand that it just isn’t a priority right now and that aspect of our relationship will rekindle later. There are other ways to be intimate.
Your husband is being abusive by pressuring you and it’s no wonder you don’t want to have sex with him regardless of the other physical health issues you’re having on top of it. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.

Yes and he apologises but nothing changes he says he does understand but he can't help it.

Sex is supposed to be about enthusiastic participation. I don’t understand how anyone can have sex with someone who is clearly not enjoying it. Your husband is a creepy sex pest. I think my vagina would seal closed permanently.

Oh dear. He most certainly can help it…. he can go without or he can see to himself.

An apology followed by then continuing to do it is meaningless 😞

This is crazy and just makes me sad for you. I had a ventous delivery and sore stitches and didn’t have sex (of any description) for the first time until about 3 months later. There was zero pressure from my OH, he was just grateful that I’d birthed HIS CHILD and couldn’t do enough for me whilst I recovered. I can’t stand the stories of these ‘men’ with so little respect for someone they’re meant to love. He needs to back the fuck off.

Mines lucky if he gets it once a month but he never belittles me over it, I also have 4 kids and had a c-section 6 months ago and I haven't felt like it or been in the mood, your husband sounds selfish to be honest

He can definitely help it. I'd bet if he did more childcare and housework he'd be less randy. Then there's our old friend Mr Hand.

He does it because he thinks he has the right to it and more say over what happens to your body than you do.

Give him a sock and tell him to sort himself out. If that doesn't work then leak and piss all over him. Prick.

Tell him to have a wank

This isn't love.

He is a adult with capacity. He understands.

He just doesn't care. He wants to use your body for his orgasm. That's more important to him than you healing fully from a difficult delivery.

I think you need to talk to your practitioner about being coerced for sex every night that you are not comfortable with and don't want.

Unfortunately, coercive men rarely make more than a temporary change.

Oh he can.

How can you stand to be living with someone like this.

What a cunt. No regard for your health or mental well-being whatsoever. I'm so sorry. You're better off without.

I'm 9 months pp now I had a difficult birth and lots of stitches and was left with prolapses and stress incontinence that I'm seeing a physio for I think it was after 3 months we even tried to have sex again and since then maybe once a month if that. Honestly my husband isn't a saint but surely basic respect for what you're body is going through and recovering from should just be the norm?

Men can be such pigs

feeling quite dirty after because deep down I just don't want to

This is heartbreaking, op. Please don't put yourself through this any more. If he's going to cheat on you, let him. The price you're paying is not worth it.

I think the previous poster was asking if you had anyone to talk about re your husband pressuring you into sex, not about the incontinence. Your husband is much more of an issue than anything to do with your pelvic floor. I am sorry.

His 'needs' don't trump yours. You are not fully recovered from the birth and he is aware of that, but still pesters you for sex. He is being really horrible to you. If he understood that sex isn't possible at the moment and waited until you had fully recovered, I'm sure you would feel much more comfortable about having sex when the time is right for you. What he is doing now could put you off for life and ruin your marriage and it would be all his fault.

Does he mean that he can't help pestering you for sex, even though he knows why you don't want it? Of course he can help it.

OP please talk to someone about this. Your h (not dh) is being a pest and using coercion, this is not acceptable.

He can have a wank if he ‘has needs’, what a total shithead he sounds. I think I’ve had sex twice since my baby was born and she’s almost 10 months old. Pressuring you into sex is abuse. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of healing x